So Is It Selfish to Want to Manifest Your Desires?

In a recent conversation with a new acquaintance, she revealed to me that she didn't really think life is about manifesting what we desire. I don't recall her specific words, but what she said reminded me of a perspective I've encountered again and again as I do my work supporting people in...manifesting what they desire.

There are beliefs, entrenched in mass consciousness, that life is serious business. Manifesting desires is seen as downright selfish. Many people, depending on whether they consider themselves "realistic" or "spiritual," think that our purpose in life is to work hard or learn lessons.

I used to think that way...until I realized that in doing so, I was living a life of hard work and learning lessons.
I wasn't all that fun to be around. And when I became completely honest with myself, I finally acknowledged that I wanted a wholly different experience. I wanted to experience joy, fulfillment, happiness, satisfaction - and, yes, recurring good hair days.

So I gave myself permission to want what I really wanted.

And what I've come to understand is that our wants and desires are neither frivolous nor selfish. They're actually evolutionary impulses, calling us forward into new avenues of growth, creativity and self-expression.

I know, it's not always easy to see them that way. There seem to be so many examples of selfish desires - who really needs that huge McMansion, anyway?! - that desire itself has gotten a bad rap.

But the thing is, our desires mature and evolve as we do. And we can't experience the ongoing expansion of our creativity if we squelch desire from the get-go. Instead, we benefit greatly from learning to nurture our desires, to acknowledge them and appreciate them and let them lead us into new experiences.

As we mature, we learn to distinguish between desires that arise from wanting to prove ourselves vs. those that arise from wanting to express ourselves, and we recognize that the latter are more fulfilling. But if we label all desires as frivolous or selfish, we never reach that point of evolution. We cut ourselves off from realizing our greatest self-expression - and it is through our genuine, joy-filled self-expression that we are of most service to others.

In other words, honoring your desires is not selfish, it is self-respecting and inherently generous.

I see our genuine desires as the inner compass leading us to our deepest fulfillment. And so from that standpoint, I might even say that manifesting our desires is why we're here.

I'm not saying that life is about accumulating lots of stuff, although I'm not judging that, either. I mean that, in the quiet heart of our hearts, most of us desire experiences such as being respected, feeling appreciated, making a difference, expressing our creativity, having fun, creating beauty, helping others...you get the idea. Our desires form the core of our intentions, which give purpose and direction to our lives.

So I say it's high time we stop judging our desires and begin celebrating them instead.

We may not manifest every desire we have, but the process of honoring them opens us to our inherent joy and creativity.

And isn't that what life is all about?

Power Play

Let’s talk about power. 

Not power over anything or anyone, but power to create a life you love.

How powerful do you feel? Do you believe you have the power to create what you deeply want to experience in life? Do you have the power to stay centered and calm and make necessary course corrections when things get a little wobbly? 

Power is all about energy, because energy is the fundamental basis of reality as we experience it in this universe. And being powerful is not just about having “big” energy, but having coherent, aligned and focused energy. 

Ah, focus. 

One of the most direct routes to gaining – or reclaiming – your personal power to create a life you love is to develop your ability to focus. And I don’t mean thinking about something with such intensity that your head hurts and your eyeballs bulge from their sockets. It’s not about being myopic or rigid or one-dimensional.

The focus I’m talking about is cultivated through what I think of as light-hearted persistence. A willingness to, again and again, notice what you’re paying attention to and how you feel about it, then choosing to shift your attention toward something that aligns more with who you are and what you want.

Think about all the places your attention wanders throughout the day. How much time is it focused on what matters to you or what lights you up or what relaxes and comforts you? How much time, instead, might your attention be absorbed in ways of thinking that upset or frustrate or bore you?

Notice the emphasis on feelings. How you feel is crucial to understanding your level of personal power. Feelings of  worry, frustration, resentment, blame, resignation, etc., reflect varying levels of feeling powerless. 

Pause to really let that sink in.

The worse you feel, the less powerful you are.

Or to be more precise, the worse you feel, the less powerful you believe yourself to be. In truth you are innately powerful. But when you’re feeling badly, it’s a signal you’re focused in a way that is cutting you off from your own power. 

Imagine what it would be like to stand in your full power, knowing you had all the inner and outer resources to navigate through life. Feelings of frustration or upset would be very rare. You might still encounter unexpected speedbumps or losses or setbacks, but you would respond to them from your powerful center, knowing that moving through them opens you to growth and expansion and even greater experiences of what you truly want.

You would feel capable, or accepting and peaceful, or willing, or resourceful, or curious, or creative, or energized, or maybe even inspired by a new challenge. You would feel effective. You might even be able to find some humor in whatever was going on. 

Obviously no one feels this way all the time. And that’s perfectly fine, we’re human! Our job isn’t to make feelings go away, it’s to understand their immense value. Our feelings are exquisitely tuned indicators, informing us when we’re in alignment with our authentic selves and when we’re leaking power. The more aware we are of how we feel, the more quickly and smoothly we can shift into a more empowered place.

Having worked with countless people over the years, helping them reclaim their personal power to create lives they love, I can tell you that many people give a tremendous amount of their power away. They give it away to people and institutions and things over which they have no direct control. So it’s more like throwing it away, now that I think about it.

Pause and consider how much time you may spend thinking or talking about what’s wrong with…

…the government

…the healthcare system

…big corporations

…our legal system

…your boss

…your co-workers

…your spouse or partner

…your dysfunctional family of origin

…your favorite thing to complain or be upset about

Notice that as you blame or complain or worry, you feel powerless.  You are focused in a way that robs you of power, and aspects of your life which you could directly influence or improve are being ignored.

Consider which, of the following pairs of options, is a more empowered way to live:

• Complaining about the healthcare system or committing to being as healthy as possible?
• Worrying about whether Social Security will be there when you retire or exploring ways to generate more income now?
• Blaming management for creating a hostile environment or getting really focused on the kind of work you want and taking steps toward finding it?
•  Gossiping about your lazy coworkers or taking the time to acknowledge and appreciate yourself for your talent and contributions? (And, on a good day, taking the time to acknowledge and appreciate their talent and contributions!)
• Resenting your father for not really being there for you when you were young or finding ways to “be there” for yourself, right now?

 

You get the idea, I’m sure. And I’ll be the first to admit that it isn’t always easy to let go of resentment and blame and worry, because when we’re insecure it feels good to be “right” about how “wrong” others are. But when you pause to consider the quality of your life experience in terms of empowerment, it quickly becomes evident that being “right” often carries a high cost: peace of mind and creative control over your life.

So am I saying you should just give up and not try to create positive change in an area such as healthcare? Not at all.  I’m saying that the quality of your life experience matters, and the better you feel, the more able you are to create a life you love.  I’m saying that true power is reflected not in your ability to control others, but to influence and uplift them. And the better you feel – the more grounded and peaceful and inspired - the more able you are to do that without creating a backlash of resistance or resentment.

I’m saying that being powerful is a good thing, and the more empowered we are, the more fun we can have co-creating an amazing world.

So let’s take our power back. Here’s how.

First, notice where you focus your attention and how you feel when you do. Whenever you feel worried, bitter, resentful or frustrated - pause. Take some deep breaths and feel your feelings, without adding fuel to their fire by continuing to think worried or complaining thoughts. Say firmly to yourself, “I’m not giving my power away to this. I’m taking it back.”

Next, give your mind something constructive to play with. Learn to ask open-ended questions that point you toward possibility and growth, such as:

• What good could come from this?
• How might this help me see more clearly what I want and what is important to me?
• What if intelligent, caring people are already working to shift this?
•  Is there one step I could take right now to move this in a direction I prefer?
•  Where could I focus to feel more empowered?
•  What am I learning about myself through this?
•  What is the best possible outcome I can imagine?

And finally, when you’re feeling calm, clear and centered, consider the things that often upset or frustrate you and ask yourself, “Is this something I feel strongly enough about to make a stand for positive change?”  

Be completely honest with yourself and respond intuitively, not analytically. Would championing this cause light you up and fulfill your sincere desire to be a part of something fulfilling and meaningful to you? If so, honor yourself by honoring that desire. Just remember that what we focus on is what we create, so as you move into action, remain focused in “solution consciousness” rather than “problem consciousness.” Hold a vision for what you want to create, don’t keep railing against what you don’t like. What we resist, persists.

And what if you discover that championing this cause really isn’t, in your heart of hearts, what you feel called to do? Then honor yourself by letting it go. Invest your priceless energy and attention in the people and things that bring you joy or matter deeply to you. 

As always, taking the time and care to slow down and listen to your heart of hearts – and then honoring what you hear – is your path of greatest fulfillment.  Your willingness to do that again and again - with loving, light-hearted persistence – connects you with your innate power. And what better experience of power could there be than the power to live a fulfilled life?

Feeling Those Good Vibrations

The following is excerpted from an online course I’m creating about the essentials of creating a life you truly love.  This working title for this particular module is, “Try Supporting What You Want Rather Than Diminishing It.” How’s that for a radical idea? It follows a module about giving yourself permission to want what you really want for your life, which is a theme my readers will recognize as one I write about frequently. So assuming you’ve actually given yourself permission to want what you really want – and if you haven’t, now would be a good time! – read on…

Okay, you’ve given yourself permission to want what you really want, and to feel how you really want to feel. Congratulations! Take a moment, right now, to close your eyes and imagine you are already experiencing what you want to experience. Luxuriate in the feelings and images that are stimulated. Relax, breathe a little deeper, and relish these feelings for as long as you can.

Notice that you can actually feel the way you want to feel right now, even before “what” you want has materialized. This is key. I’m not the first person to make this next point, and I’m sure I won’t be the last, but even if you’ve heard it countless times, see if you can take it in at an even deeper level:

We want what we want because we think that, in having it or experiencing it, we will feel better. So feel better now. The capacity for those feelings is within you.

As you choose to generate and experience those good feelings more often, you become a magnet for ideas, people and opportunities that are on that same good-feeling wavelength. You move forward with more fluidity, creating what you want – because you can, and because the creative process is so enlivening – rather than working to “get” what you want.

And that’s what supporting what you want is all about. It’s about finding ways to focus on what you want (rather than becoming absorbed in what you don’t want), relishing the anticipation of experiencing it, relaxing and opening to inspiration, nudging yourself to take small steps forward and looking for all the resources and reasons you have to succeed.

It’s also about learning to respond constructively to the small-self part of you that doubts your ability to realize your dreams, or simply judges them to be impractical and ignores them. We’ll talk more about that later, but for now just notice how common it is for people – maybe you? – to immediately look for, and enumerate, all the reasons why they can’t have what they really want.

We’ve become habitual dream-crushers with thoughts and questions such as:

·         Nobody has ever pulled this off. It’s completely unrealistic!

·         That’s going to take more time and money than I have.

·         The world doesn’t need another ___________. There’s too much competition out there already.

·         I’m not good at sticking with projects for the long term.

·         Who am I to think I can have that?

·         This is just the way I am, and I’m too old to change.

·         I have no idea how to do this.

The list could go on and on, but I think you get the idea. Given how quickly our minds can fill in the “reasons why not” – the reasons we can’t have or experience what we want – we need to literally retrain them to focus in a way that empowers and supports us.

In this article I’ll offer a practice that has been particularly helpful to me, and to my clients and students, in that retraining process.  But before launching into the details of the practice, let me offer another key point that you have undoubtedly heard before, yet is so fundamental to creating a life you love that it cannot be overstated. It’s one that is easily understood at an intellectual level, but in order to realize its power, you have to “get it” at a far deeper, more embodied level.

 Are you ready? Drum roll, please.

You cannot get what you want by focusing on what you don’t want.

Let that one really sink in. Reflect on all the places your mind wanders throughout the day, and where it goes when you consider manifesting what you want. Which direction are you facing – toward what you want, or away from it?

Here are a few examples of where we often focus our attention. In many cases we think we’re focusing on what we want, but we’re really placing our attention on the perceived obstacles to what we want:

·         Past failed attempts to create what we want (thinking that if we figure out where we went wrong, we’ll be able to move forward)

·         Resources we need that we don’t have

·         Tasks and to-do lists that don’t include any steps toward our dreams

·         All the things we’re not getting done

·         How hard things are right now

·         How long creating what we want will take

·         Worst-case scenarios if we pursue what we want

·         Worst-case scenarios if we don’t!

If you were able, moment to moment, to notice where your attention is and whether it’s pointed toward what you want - and, if it is not, to pause and shift your focus - you would not need to use the practice I’m going to suggest. (But you might choose to use it, anyway, because it’s fun!)

So intend, right now, to do just that. Imagine you can turn up the dial of self-awareness and begin noticing where your attention and thoughts are focused. Keep choosing to pause and shift your focus whenever you notice you’ve wandered into “don’t want” land. Let it be that simple.

And now let’s get to the practice. It’s a direct and powerful method for developing a new habit of focusing on what you want in a way that is supportive and empowered. Here it is:

Keep a “Good Vibrations” notebook.

I love this one. I still write in mine most days, and without fail it helps me get focused and feel better about where I’m headed.

The idea of a “Good Vibrations” notebook is simple: record anything and everything that helps you get in the vibration of what you want to create or experience. It’s the perfect place for asking (and answering), “What do I really want to create or experience in my life?”, jotting down your Reasons Why, brainstorming (and even answering) your Effective Questions and playing with your One Small Step ideas. (Note: the capitalized phrases are the names of additional practices from the online course that were too detailed to include in this article.)

It’s also the perfect place for acknowledging and celebrating the steps you’ve taken and the wonderful outcomes you’ve created. Bestselling author Tama Kieves refers to this as a “win list,” which is a simple and powerful way to keep your attention focused on what you want, rather than on what you don’t want.

And the best part about the win list is, it helps you grasp that you’re already living into your dreams. You’re already successful. What you want isn’t a “thing” out there in your future. It is an ongoing expression of who you are.

Nothing is too big or too small for the win list. If you’re cultivating peace of mind and you carved 10 minutes into your day for meditation, that’s a win! If, in the midst of a conversation with a friend, you noticed you were complaining about the progress you feel you haven’t made, and then switched your focus to all the progress you have made – that’s a win! If someone gave you positive feedback on something you did, and you were able to really take it in – that’s a win!

And of course, if Oprah calls with an offer to create a new show featuring you and your work – that would probably go on the list, too.

Be creative about what – and how - to write in your Good Vibrations notebook. You can write in prose, poetry or bullet-point lists. You can draw pictures. You can add cutesy things such as stars and hearts to highlight your favorite things. You can spend two minutes with it each day, or twenty.

Make it fun and inviting for you, so that you look forward to writing in it. Keep it going for a while on some regular basis – daily is great, but weekly is good, too – until you’re living more readily from that “good vibration” place.

You might be tempted to dismiss this practice as simplistic rather than simple and helpful. I hope you won’t. It’s purposefully simple so your mind doesn’t get all tangled up in philosophical arguments or analytical detail. And it works.

Of course, feel free to create your own practices that help you support rather than diminish what you want. As you consciously choose to focus, more and more, in that direction, you will naturally create the positive shifts you want to make.

And remember, what you want matters…because you matter. Let that one really sink in, too.

Believe It or Not

No doubt you’ve heard it said, “Your beliefs create your reality.” If you’re like many people, you are intrigued by the idea and feel, intuitively, that it makes sense. You may already have explored shifting your beliefs in order to create a reality – a life – you love, yet can’t seem to get there from here. Either it isn’t obvious what you believe that runs counter to what you want, or what you believe just seems so absolutely true you don’t see any way of shifting it.

You are not alone. That’s why there are so many of us offering perspectives on what it really takes to change a belief. Or more to the point, that’s why I’m offering my perspective on what it really takes to change a belief! Because it is possible to shift your beliefs in order to create a more deeply fulfilling life – in fact, positive change can only happen when the underlying beliefs support it – and learning to do it intentionally will give you an amazing sense of empowerment to create a life you love.

So I’m going to give you my answer to “what it really takes to change a belief” right here, right now:

Intention…Awareness…Willingness…Practice…all resting on a solid foundation of self-love.

Let’s look at the self-love piece. What it takes to change a belief is a choice to do so, a decision. And fundamentally the decision you’re making is that you are deserving of living a deeply fulfilled life, and you’re willing to find ways to empower yourself to do so.

That’s the foundation of self-love:  you are worthy of happiness and fulfillment. AND you will love yourself through the experience of shifting your beliefs rather than being a taskmaster and using the process as an excuse to beat yourself up.

The process itself looks something like this:

You intend to live a fulfilled life, you become willing to expand your awareness so that you can recognize the beliefs that are holding you back, then you intend to shift them, and you willingly employ the practices that help you form more empowered beliefs.

Going into depth about this process and each of its elements is beyond the scope of a single article. But there is one thing I want to offer right here and right now which can help you immediately begin to let go of your limiting beliefs, and it draws on the element of willingness:

Be willing to consider that what you think is true about something- and particularly, what you think is true about yourself - is actually a belief and not a fact.

This is key, and it gets to the heart of why we often have difficulty letting go of limiting beliefs. We know intellectually that beliefs can be changed, but we don’t think “reality” can be changed.  (We generally haven’t grasped that reality is not fixed and predictable but is, instead, an organic, fluid and ongoing creative process. More on that another time.)

We continually draw conclusions about life that we think are obvious statements of fact, when in truth they are interpretations. Interpretations that we believe to be true.

Beliefs.

And because of the vibrational nature of this universe, beliefs – thoughts we believe to be true – are magnetic. So a well-established belief, either conscious or unconscious, will draw to us experiences we see as evidence that the belief is true. The more evidence we see, the more we think “this is the way it is,” and on it goes.

It takes a genuine willingness to step back from all of that and consider the possibility that the belief is the generative force and the circumstances are the result, and not the other way around.

But here’s the good news: If you ARE willing to see it that way, you immediately move to a more empowered place, and that’s because it is possible to change beliefs…and therefore to create a whole new lived experience. A new reality.

So become willing to notice thoughts you have about yourself and what is possible for your life, which you believe to be true and which obviously limit you in some way. Observe how those thoughts affect the ideas you have, the actions you take and the experiences that tend to show up. Become willing to ask, “What might my life be like if I didn’t believe this to be true?”

The simple but genuine act of asking that question will open new avenues of insight and experience. Explore those avenues with an open mind and an open heart, and let yourself be led to new possibilities that inspire you.

Remember, you are worthy of happiness and fulfillment.

I will be leading my catalytic teleclass, What It Really Takes to Change a Belief, on Saturday, February 23^rd, from 10am – noon EST. We’ll go into depth about the whole process of shifting beliefs and you’ll be given the framework and practices to help you actually do it.

 

The Next Amazing Version of You

It’s that time of year again: time for me to come up with something fresh, helpful and possibly humorous about starting a new year. I just reread my January column from last year in Living.Well Magazine and realized I’d pretty much captured, in that article, all I’d want to say about setting intentions for a new year. So where do I want to go from here?


Hmmm, I wonder if I could just use that article here? I wonder if my readers would mind? I’m sure everyone’s forgotten what I wrote, so reading it again would seem like a totally new experience.

That’s not a bad idea! But not a particularly creative one, either. Efficient, maybe, but not creative.

Or is it? No, I don’t mean the recycling-an-old-article idea. But it just occurred to me that the very choice I made to reread a previously written article is actually a great way to get my creative juices flowing – because it gave me an opportunity to appreciate what is already good, fun and useful about my writing.

Now don’t worry, I’m not going to write an article about my writing process, other than to highlight its simplicity: I allowed myself to actually appreciate how my writing has evolved, and then I asked myself, “So where do I want to go from here?” Then I recognized that this basic, two-step process is incredibly useful not only for stimulating new article ideas, but also for setting intentions for the New Year.

Let me explain.

Too often, in our zeal for fresh starts and wanting to move as quickly as possible into our slimmer bodies, peaceful minds, fulfilling careers, deeply satisfying relationships and lots and lots of money, we set specific goals that reflect our assumed “end points” for those experiences. Consciously or unconsciously, we fall into the trap of believing that we’ll be happy when we’ve reached those end points, which are way out in our future. And in the meantime? Well, we’ll just have to grin and bear it and push as hard and fast as we can to get to where we want to go.

The difficulty with that approach is that it deprives us of satisfaction and enjoyment right now. It also, by the way, runs cross-current to our very nature. As I said in last year’s (quite competently written) article, happiness is not a thing we can obtain or a point in time we can “get to.” It is a vibration, a state of being from which our experiences flow. The happier we are, the happier the circumstances we attract and create.

And here’s why: in this vibrational universe, our attention is a powerful creative force. It’s like a frequency tuner. What we focus on becomes the frequency we’re on, and since like frequencies resonate with each other, this means that the essence of what we pay attention to becomes the essence of what we attract. So when we set goals that arise from our attention to the lack of what we have now – such as not enough money, or a career that isn’t fulfilling, or a state of health that lacks vitality - and as we keep paying attention to the gap between where we are and where we want to be, we’re on the frequency of not having what we want. And so we perpetuate our experience of being in the gap.

When we set intentions to create or experience more of what we want, and then pay attention to anything and everything that matches the “more” right now, we perpetuate the experience of having what we want.

And it gets even better than that! When we not only pay attention to, but appreciate, the things in our now experience that match the “more” of what we want, we accelerate the experience of having more of what we want. Appreciation is a vibration that lines us up with more things to appreciate.

Which brings me back to my simple process for jumpstarting the writing of this post, one that we can adapt to the setting of intentions for the New Year. When I reread last year’s article and allowed myself to appreciate its good points, I was in the vibration of “good writing.” When I asked, “So where do I want to go from here?” I stayed in that vibration with a focus on expanding it. And then I started writing.

Had I reread last year’s article with a critical eye and zoomed in on all the awkward and unclear places, I would have been in the vibration of “bad writing.” And from there it would have been easy to find more to criticize, or to try figuring out how to fix what’s wrong with my writing – or to close the laptop, walk away and hope the good writing fairy would visit in time to meet the submission deadline.

From the “bad writing” vibration, had I asked, “So where do I want to go from here?” I would likely have answered, “As far away from this computer as I can.” Actually, from that vibration my next question would likely have been something along the lines of, “So what’s the point?”

I might have been tempted to simply give up.

And isn’t that what often happens as we trudge into the New Year with resolutions we’ve set in order to fix what is “wrong” with us? We think the outer goal itself will galvanize us into action, not recognizing that inspired action and inspired results arise from our inner sense of empowerment and our ability to sustain positive momentum.

When we start from a place of lack or self-judgment – we don’t have enough money, we’re too lazy to stick with a good diet and exercise program, we can’t seem to get it right in the relationship department – we are hardly in an empowered place. We can try forcing ourselves to take action toward our goals but deep down we don’t really believe we can meet them.

So we might be tempted to give up.

There really is a better way to create the experiences we wish to create. And it starts with understanding that our desires for change arise from our evolutionary impulses to grow. We’re not broken and in need of fixing. We’re simply where we are - and expanding into our ever-growing potential.

And with our understanding that what we pay attention to is what we create and experience, we can support our expansion in a loving, empowered way by starting first with appreciation. When we take the time to thoughtfully acknowledge and deeply appreciate all we have accomplished in the past year, we reinforce a self-identity of someone who has what it takes to create a fulfilling life. We initiate a spiral of positive momentum that carries us into our next phase of growth.

And when we ask ourselves, “So where do I want to go from here?” rather than, “So what do I need to fix or improve about myself?” we build on that momentum rather than stopping it in its tracks.

You might ask, “But what if my accomplishments from the past year have nothing to do with what I want to create in the new year? What if there is nothing for me to appreciate about, say, my progress toward a more stable financial situation?”

The fundamental process is still the same. Take time to genuinely acknowledge and appreciate all you can about yourself and your life. Intend to get on the frequency of “my life is good and getting better all the time” by noticing progress you’ve made in any area – and don’t overlook significant progress you may have made on the inside. Maybe you’re far less reactive than you used to be, or you’ve let go of old resentments, or you’ve finally started supporting rather than doubting yourself. These are significant! Those positive shifts in your internal vibration will ultimately lead to positive shifts in your external circumstances.

So you’ve taken the time to really feel appreciation for all you’ve accomplished this past year. Now you ask, “So where do I want to go from here?” And in this example, you really want to improve your financial situation. Don’t be tempted to criticize yourself for not yet being where you want to be. Stay with the good feeling of self-appreciation, and let yourself imagine how great it will feel when you’re making the progress you want to make in this area. Ask yourself helpful questions such as:

• In what ways am I already good with money?

• What ideas do I already have, about how to get to an even better place with money, that I’m willing to take action on?

• Who might know something helpful about this?

• What inner and outer resources are already available to support me?

• How could I make this process fun?

The idea is to focus your attention – your frequency tuner – to the frequency of success. Which is why it’s so helpful to start by appreciating all the ways you already are successful, and then expand from there.

You may be tempted to judge this as simplistic or superficial. Let me assure you nothing could be further from the truth. When we shift from a paradigm of fixing what is wrong to one that focuses on lovingly supporting our natural impulses toward growth, we gain access to a whole new way of living. We live fully in the present rather than waiting to come alive in the future. We learn to love ourselves and appreciate our value. We relax more, we enjoy more and, liberated from self-doubt and self-criticism, we accomplish more.

So before you make resolutions or set intentions for 2013, take the time to deeply acknowledge, appreciate and celebrate your many fine qualities and accomplishments. Ask yourself what you most want to create or experience in your life, not what you think you should fix. Remember, there is nothing wrong with you that needs to be fixed. You’re evolving and expanding into the next delightful, amazing version of yourself. And you deserve to enjoy the ride.

Here’s to a new year of vibrant growth and unexpected pleasure.

In Your Own Voice

It’s been a while since I've written a post that isn’t based on an interview I had with a best-selling author about a recently published book. I actually have two more amazing authors lined up for interviews – stay tuned in 2013! – yet I felt a deep need to write what is likely to be my last post in 2012 straight from my heart to yours, in my own voice. I wanted to keep things pure and simple.

I’ve discovered that, in many respects, writing articles based on the published work and philosophy of others is more “work” than writing an original piece. It requires more time – preparing for the interview, conducting and recording the interview, listening to it afterward and taking notes, organizing the notes into themes for articles, writing and editing the articles – and attention to a new kind of detail: wanting to honor and convey the spirit of the author in a kind, fair and genuine way. I certainly wouldn’t say I labored over those articles – the whole process was much too fun for that kind of exaggerated characterization – yet I can say I’m somewhat relieved to be sitting here, just me and my laptop, with my own thoughts and an open, hopeful heart.

Let’s see, what was that about my own thoughts?

Oh, yes, now I’m remembering the “work” of writing an original piece: being original. I hate that part.

Then again, I’ve learned over the years that being completely “original” can be vastly overrated – or maybe it’s more accurate to say that we often misunderstand what it actually means to be original. How many of us have discarded our secret longings to, say, open a yoga studio or write a book about parenting or maybe just play with watercolors? We tell ourselves the world doesn’t need another __________ (yoga studio, book, artist…you name it) and get on with the nuts and bolts of running our busy lives. 

I’ve had that inner debate several times, and it was ignited again after interviewing the luminous Anita Moorjani and the deliciously humorous and wise Tama Kieves. (Not to mention reading their penetrating, well-written and transformation-inducing books.) Some part of me questioned the value of my own teaching and writing. What was the point, really, of creating new articles and blog posts and courses and maybe even a book, when I could just refer clients to the books and blogs of countless other insanely talented writers and teachers? 

After all, we’re out there sharing similar messages, yet they’ve got the momentum and machinery of “best-selling author” status behind them to reach hundreds of thousands of people.  What are the chances of my being heard? And anyway, what value do I provide that people aren’t already getting from Tama and Anita and all those other wildly successful teachers leading workshops at Omega and Kripalu?

If I was my own coach I’d grab myself by the shoulders and shake lightly – but firmly. I’d look myself straight in the eyes and remind myself of this potent truth, which I love to share with as many people as I can who want to listen:

You matter, and what you love matters. You are here to bring forth your unique talent and brilliance, led by your genuine desires. What else could you do with your time here on Earth that could be more important? It is not up to your small, fearful self to decide what the world needs. It’s your job to wake up to your large, magnificent self and live from that expanded and generous place. 

And here’s something else I love to remind people – and myself: your very presence is unique and irreplaceable. Even if you’re saying or doing things that others have apparently said or done, it is still completely original because it comes from you. It bears what I call your exceptional, inimitable energy signature. People will respond to your message or product who have not responded to similar messages and products from others, because they’re on your frequency. Wouldn’t it be a shame if you weren’t making it available to them…all because you discounted your own dreams for not being “original” enough?

And yet I’m not just talking here about things you can offer as an entrepreneur or an employee. This isn’t only about careers and commerce. It’s about recognizing your innate value and worthiness and the transformative power of your shining, genuine presence. When you’re centered and relaxed and relating to others from your true core, you are a force for good in the world. Your special blend of qualities and talents – such as kindness, humor, insightfulness, artistry, calmness, technological brilliance, peacefulness, clarity, love of language, athleticism, compassion and countless others – are inherently inspiring and uplifting to others. Your special blend is completely original. And much needed.

Recognizing, honoring and sharing your special blend is fundamentally the same thing as finding and living your calling. It’s all about being authentically, joyfully you. I often say the deep impulse to find and live your calling arises from the inner workings of a beautifully designed system: what you most long to create, share or experience is what the world most needs from you. So when you dare to follow your dreams, you not only open yourself to a deeply fulfilled life, you are naturally in service to others. 

I know I’m not the first person to tell you that following your dreams leads to fulfillment, and I certainly won’t be the last. The message is not – dare I say it - an original one. Yet I hope, through my own unique blend of teaching and writing, to add a new voice to the chorus, giving our song greater nuance and depth and harmony. And maybe, with my voice added to the mix, you’ll hear it in a whole new way.

And you’ll know this song is for you. Have fun singing it in your own voice.

Wishing you deep peace and newfound joy this holiday season.