Let's Not Be Selfish

The scene is a familiar one. I’m sitting across from a client as we explore possibilities for getting her dreams out into the world. She tells me, hesitantly and almost dismissively, about an experience or two she had, times when she dared to share her talent and genius with someone else. And the “someone else” was blown away, deeply moved or inspired or in some way helped by my client’s brilliance. But before I can jump into the story with her and ask her to tell me more, to share with me how it felt, to consider where that kind of energy might lead, she stops cold.


And she says something along the lines of, “But that was so long ago.” Or, “I think that was beginner’s luck.” Or, “I just don’t have what it takes to really build something with that.” Or the ever-popular, “But that won’t make me any money.”

Instant possibility-killers.

And that’s not the worst of it. What I’ve come to appreciate, more deeply than ever before, is that our habitual tendency to dismiss our talent - and our longings to share it with others – is just plain selfish. And I don’t mean the “good” kind of selfish that arises from love and reflects a healthy desire to nourish ourselves. I mean the petty, whiny, self-indulgent kind of selfish that arises from fear and reflects the inner admonition to keep ourselves small.

When we hold our talent in, we withhold it from the world. We deprive others of the wisdom and inspiration and beauty and playfulness and knowledge and support and fantasy and warmth and dazzling insights that we have to share, if only we would. And without those things, the world is a dimmer place. It lacks a certain vibrancy. It is in a fundamental sense incomplete, as the very contributions needed from us to make it whole are missing.

And all because we’ve decided we’re somehow not good enough. We think we’re sparing the world our ineptness, when in fact we’re depriving it of our greatness. And we’re depriving ourselves of the immense joy and generosity and aliveness we could feel if we celebrated and surrendered to our innate creative genius.

That’s a lot to deprive ourselves of. That’s a lot to deprive the world of. And that’s why I call it selfish.

I’m not trying to play the guilt card here. But sometimes we need a little shake to wake us up to a deeper truth. And the deeper truth here is that what we most long to create or give is what the world most needs from us. It’s an elegantly designed system that can function beautifully if we all do our part. And our part is to recognize, honor and empower our deepest longings and talents.

I know, I know, you may not know where or how to begin. You may be living such a crazy-busy life that cultivating a talent or two seems overwhelming. You may have convinced yourself that you really can’t make any money at what you love so why bother? I’m telling you, firmly and clearly, to set all of that aside. None of it matters. What matters is that you are fully alive and that you are giving the best of what you have to give to yourself and others.

Here are a couple of things I’ve learned that may help you get started - or stay committed – to living your dreams:

• Joy and passion are their own reasons for being. They do not need to be justified or to create specific results in order to “count.” Every moment you open to the life force of creative energy within you is a moment that counts. Every time you open the laptop and write, or pull out the sketchpad and doodle, or take your children on an adventure that delighted you to plan, or sing out loud because you feel so alive when you sing, or teach a friend how to play bridge, or practice with love and dedication that new piano arrangement you want to learn – every time you immerse yourself in your most cherished talents and longings is a moment fulfilled. Give yourself more of them.

• The real treasure in committing to honoring your dreams is in who you become. You grow into a person of immense courage and integrity and generosity, a person who loves life and loves herself and illuminates for the world what a love-filled life is like. You grow into someone you respect, and someone other people want to be around. You grow into who you were meant to be.

• Don’t make it about money, at least not right away. I’m a huge proponent of challenging our beliefs about what has value and what can be exchanged for money in the marketplace, but if we demand too soon of our talent that it covers all the bills, we strangle that very talent with our rigid expectations and subterranean fears of not having enough. Create space in your life to nurture your talent and let it build its own momentum and direction. Practice appreciating your talent and your self each step of the way, for it is only through loving appreciation that our talent can grow and flourish. And when the time is right to offer our creations and services in the marketplace, we’ll be fortified with the inner certainty that what we’re offering has value.

Okay, I think that's enough for now. Are you with me? I hope so…I love good company! And even if you have to take it on faith, know that you really can do this. Actually, only you can do this…this, that you most want to do. Decide that who you are and what you have to give really matters. (Because it does.) Dare to make your dreams a priority in your life, right now. Lavish your talents with dedication and appreciation. Relish them and look for opportunities to share them with others. Please, do it.

Because to do anything less is just plain selfish.