The first big snowstorm of the season is now blanketing the east coast, on the very day I was scheduled for a personal first: my first official book signing. I am, shall I say, a wee bit disappointed. I've held an image in my mind and heart for years of sitting behind a table in a large bookstore, happily signing dozens of books for the kind people who show up to meet me and buy my book.
The book in my dream image is one I've been working on for years - and continue to work on, or at least talk a lot about working on! - yet I ended up self-publishing a book I wasn't even "officially" working on in September of this year. It evolved organically: I began writing a piece that was intended as a free download from my website, and it just kept growing until it reached the size of a small book. So I decided to publish it as one! It's called
10 Ways to Find Peace Rather Than Panic (When the World Has Gone a Little Crazy) and it's a compact, focused guide to support people through times of uncertainty or transition.
But enough about the book. (At least for now...I'm sure I'll write about it in future posts!) The point is that, because of having published a book at all - and because my fabulous business manager arranged for a book signing at the historic Baldwin's Book Barn in West Chester, PA - today was the day I was going to realize that dream I've held in my heart for so long.
Instead, today is the day I'm writing about unmet expectations and responding to disappointment and finding meaning in the events of our lives. I was really, really looking forward to that book signing. It represented a small but significant milestone on the journey of expanding my work as a teacher, writer and coach. When I first heard about the possibility of a significant snowstorm landing on the east coast on Saturday, I did what most sane people do at such times: I reminded myself feebly that, more often than not, weather forecasts are not entirely reliable. Surely the storm, if it materialized at all, would not be virile enough to thwart my plans! I continued with my preparations and kept my thoughts focused on a positive outcome.
Soon enough it became evident that the weather forecast was unaccountably accurate. It started snowing in the wee hours of this morning, and at 3:45 p.m. it shows no signs of slowing down. Several feet of snow are expected. So instead of sitting behind that table in the warm and welcoming bookstore, dressed in a really great new outfit I bought and graciously signing books for happy customers, I am sitting in my sweatpants in front of a computer, typing my first blog entry. Alone.
What could this possibly mean? Is the Universe failing to support my hopes for getting my book out in the world? This kind of thinking shows up quite a bit for those of us on a path of spirituality and consciousness. As we've come to understand that we are inherently creative beings living in an energetic, interconnected universe, and that our intentions, beliefs and thoughts have immense power in shaping the quality and experience of our lives, we tend to get a little worried when things don't go the way we've planned, affirmed and visualized. We think, perhaps, we've done something wrong. Maybe our intention was muddied, or we've sabotaged our efforts with fear-based, contradictory beliefs about what is possible, or we didn't keep ourselves focused strongly enough on what we wanted. Or maybe, more to the immediate point, my book just isn't that good and the Universe is ultimately protecting me (and others!) by not letting too many people read it.
In fact any of those things could be true. Or not. The key is to consider them not from within a context of placing blame and rooting out fault-ridden mistakes, but from a place of open and loving curiosity. If I really do trust in a loving universe that is poised to support my soul's true longings, how might I view this unexpected turn of events?
The one thing that is always true of apparent obstacles to our plans is that they provide an opportunity for us to ask, again: "Do I really want this?" If the answer is yes, then in asking and answering we deepen the yes, we deepen our commitment to ourselves and our lives. And if the answer is no, then how wonderful it is to find out now rather than continue investing our energy in something we only thought we
should want, but don't really want. Or to ask, "Why do I no longer want this?" and let the exploration lead us to deeper levels of self-awareness.
So when I ask myself, "Do I really want this? Do I really want to take the time and energy to promote my book and get it out in the world?" The answer is yes. Yes. So I've already started thinking of other venues for promoting it, and of course we'll reschedule the book signing with this particular bookstore. And I turn my attention, too, to how grateful I am to be in a warm, dry, safe and beautiful home in the midst of a gorgeous, softening snowfall. With my two warm cats. (So I'm really not alone.) And with a functioning phone that allows me to reach out and call friends and family, and plenty of food to eat. I could not be more blessed.
And here I am, writing my first blog entry after talking about starting a blog for more months than I can remember. That's a direct result of yet another means of responding to disappointment or unmet expectation: after checking in to see if I really wanted what was temporarily blocked, and after choosing to place my attention on the many blessings in my life, I also asked myself how I might benefit from this unexpected stretch of time in my schedule. What have I been wanting to do that might now be ready to be done? The first thing that popped into my mind was, "Start the blog." And then I actually did it. (Not without the apparently requisite bout of procrastination, but that's a topic for another post.)
Welcome to my blog. I want to share with you the perspectives and insights I've gleaned in consciously intending to live a spiritually-centered life in a material world, and in helping others to do the same as a teacher and transformational life coach. I know there are many of us on this path, a path of heart and passion and great courage. It is easy to become doubtful, frustrated or very, very afraid. I've been all of those things. And I offer what I offer not as an expert, but as an experienced partner...one who is devoted to supporting others in seeing themselves and their lives through the eyes of love, and in connecting with their souls' longings and bringing those longings into full expression.
I look forward to sharing the journey with you.
