In Your Own Voice

It’s been a while since I've written a post that isn’t based on an interview I had with a best-selling author about a recently published book. I actually have two more amazing authors lined up for interviews – stay tuned in 2013! – yet I felt a deep need to write what is likely to be my last post in 2012 straight from my heart to yours, in my own voice. I wanted to keep things pure and simple.

I’ve discovered that, in many respects, writing articles based on the published work and philosophy of others is more “work” than writing an original piece. It requires more time – preparing for the interview, conducting and recording the interview, listening to it afterward and taking notes, organizing the notes into themes for articles, writing and editing the articles – and attention to a new kind of detail: wanting to honor and convey the spirit of the author in a kind, fair and genuine way. I certainly wouldn’t say I labored over those articles – the whole process was much too fun for that kind of exaggerated characterization – yet I can say I’m somewhat relieved to be sitting here, just me and my laptop, with my own thoughts and an open, hopeful heart.

Let’s see, what was that about my own thoughts?

Oh, yes, now I’m remembering the “work” of writing an original piece: being original. I hate that part.

Then again, I’ve learned over the years that being completely “original” can be vastly overrated – or maybe it’s more accurate to say that we often misunderstand what it actually means to be original. How many of us have discarded our secret longings to, say, open a yoga studio or write a book about parenting or maybe just play with watercolors? We tell ourselves the world doesn’t need another __________ (yoga studio, book, artist…you name it) and get on with the nuts and bolts of running our busy lives. 

I’ve had that inner debate several times, and it was ignited again after interviewing the luminous Anita Moorjani and the deliciously humorous and wise Tama Kieves. (Not to mention reading their penetrating, well-written and transformation-inducing books.) Some part of me questioned the value of my own teaching and writing. What was the point, really, of creating new articles and blog posts and courses and maybe even a book, when I could just refer clients to the books and blogs of countless other insanely talented writers and teachers? 

After all, we’re out there sharing similar messages, yet they’ve got the momentum and machinery of “best-selling author” status behind them to reach hundreds of thousands of people.  What are the chances of my being heard? And anyway, what value do I provide that people aren’t already getting from Tama and Anita and all those other wildly successful teachers leading workshops at Omega and Kripalu?

If I was my own coach I’d grab myself by the shoulders and shake lightly – but firmly. I’d look myself straight in the eyes and remind myself of this potent truth, which I love to share with as many people as I can who want to listen:

You matter, and what you love matters. You are here to bring forth your unique talent and brilliance, led by your genuine desires. What else could you do with your time here on Earth that could be more important? It is not up to your small, fearful self to decide what the world needs. It’s your job to wake up to your large, magnificent self and live from that expanded and generous place. 

And here’s something else I love to remind people – and myself: your very presence is unique and irreplaceable. Even if you’re saying or doing things that others have apparently said or done, it is still completely original because it comes from you. It bears what I call your exceptional, inimitable energy signature. People will respond to your message or product who have not responded to similar messages and products from others, because they’re on your frequency. Wouldn’t it be a shame if you weren’t making it available to them…all because you discounted your own dreams for not being “original” enough?

And yet I’m not just talking here about things you can offer as an entrepreneur or an employee. This isn’t only about careers and commerce. It’s about recognizing your innate value and worthiness and the transformative power of your shining, genuine presence. When you’re centered and relaxed and relating to others from your true core, you are a force for good in the world. Your special blend of qualities and talents – such as kindness, humor, insightfulness, artistry, calmness, technological brilliance, peacefulness, clarity, love of language, athleticism, compassion and countless others – are inherently inspiring and uplifting to others. Your special blend is completely original. And much needed.

Recognizing, honoring and sharing your special blend is fundamentally the same thing as finding and living your calling. It’s all about being authentically, joyfully you. I often say the deep impulse to find and live your calling arises from the inner workings of a beautifully designed system: what you most long to create, share or experience is what the world most needs from you. So when you dare to follow your dreams, you not only open yourself to a deeply fulfilled life, you are naturally in service to others. 

I know I’m not the first person to tell you that following your dreams leads to fulfillment, and I certainly won’t be the last. The message is not – dare I say it - an original one. Yet I hope, through my own unique blend of teaching and writing, to add a new voice to the chorus, giving our song greater nuance and depth and harmony. And maybe, with my voice added to the mix, you’ll hear it in a whole new way.

And you’ll know this song is for you. Have fun singing it in your own voice.

Wishing you deep peace and newfound joy this holiday season.

True Power

I recently had the great pleasure and privilege of interviewing best-selling author Tama Kieves about her latest book, Inspired & Unstoppable: Wildly Succeeding in Your Life’s Work! This is my third of three articles about our conversation. To learn more about Tama visit www.TamaKieves.com.

“I finally got it that my wildest dreams could never come true, until I remained wildly true to myself.” – Tama Kieves in Inspired & Unstoppable

Have you ever had the experience of thinking you understand a particular concept fairly well, then something happens that opens you to “getting it” at a profoundly deeper level? Conversations with Tama Kieves have a way of stimulating those “aha!” moments. So does her writing. Things that were merely “understood” suddenly become “known.” You gain a newfound appreciation for your own wisdom and your ability to translate it into something meaningful in your life.

The concept of being true to yourself in order to live an authentic, fulfilling and genuinely successful life is one of those easily understood concepts. It’s touted by every therapist and coach and self-help guru on the planet (including yours truly). It’s one that is so commonly repeated and endorsed it feels almost trite.

Yet it’s also one that we’re subtly – and not so subtly – encouraged to abandon time and again in order to “fit in” or to meet the external standards of success so revered in our culture. And time and again, we discover that it simply doesn’t feel good to try squeezing ourselves into roles or circumstances or jobs that bear no resemblance to who we really are. That’s why the self-help gurus keep reminding us that we need to live by a different standard. Only being true to ourselves will yield true satisfaction.

Tama Kieves does more than merely remind us of that potent truth. She illuminates vividly - through her writing and her life – that “being true to yourself” is not merely a guideline or strong personal value to uphold. It is the seat of your blazing, mountain-moving, joy-loving power to create a life you really want to live.

In her book and during our conversation, she shared the story of a time, after she had self-published her first book, when she met a woman named Phyllis who seemed like “the one” – the one who could open doors and secure the introductions and connections that would catapult Tama to success. Phyllis had found Tama’s book on Amazon and loved it. She was well-connected in the publishing industry and offered to help Tama put together a package that would be sent to the president of a big New York publishing house, a man she knew personally. I’ll share the rest of the story in Tama’s words:

“I was a giddy Cinderella who had just met a ticket out of invisibility. But then over the next few weeks, things began to feel anxious and weird. Phyllis didn’t return some phone calls. But she was a busy woman and I, an insecure and desperate one, wagged my tail against the odds. Then there were missed deadlines, stories, dramas, and weeks passing by. Finally, she began disappearing altogether, even from cyberspace. I felt as though I was skidding on black ice, still trying to get somewhere. I desperately wanted things to work. I couldn’t bear the idea of going back to my life alone, without this hookup to the Emerald City, or, in this case, midtown Gotham….That night, weeks of agony receded and I knew what I had to do, come what may. I had to speak my truth, and risk my one thin bridge to having my book published by a big publisher. I felt surrendered and strangely calm. ‘Spirit got me here and will carry me all the way,’ I said to myself as willingness, fear, exhilaration and faith warmed my veins like apricot brandy. Suddenly I was willing to believe that a loving universe might have more than just one rickety way for me to accomplish my dreams.”

The next day, Tama told Phyllis – aka the Fairy Godmother – she no longer wanted to work with her. And the rest, as they say, is history. Tama continued to listen to her heart of hearts, landed a big-league agent to represent her and was published by the publishing company of her dreams. And all because she dared to speak her truth. She dared to be true to herself.

Through this experience and others, Tama had a dawning “aha!” of her own. She began to grasp what it really means to be wildly true to yourself – and how much power is unleashed when we commit to that, no matter what. She now states, boldly and calmly:

“I will walk away, figuratively or literally, from any situation that doesn’t feel true to my soul. I will not be walking away from power or opportunity. I will be walking away with power and opportunity. My truth is my power. So is yours. It’s where the magic lives.”

I love how clearly she draws the line between personal truth and personal power – or perhaps more accurately, how she shows us that personal truth and personal power are fundamentally the same thing. A good practice to follow, whenever you’re feeling powerless, is to see if you’ve somehow ignored or denied an inner truth.

A classic example of how many people give their power away is by denying the truth of their talents, passion and creativity, and remaining stuck in jobs that suffocate or bore them. They convince themselves that the job is their only source of financial security and that they must stay. They deny the unfathomable intelligence of the universe and Life itself, which wants to thrive through us. Or as Tama says, they haven’t yet grasped that a loving universe has more than one way for them to accomplish their dreams. And yes, that includes their dreams of financial prosperity.

I’m not saying that everyone who is frustrated in their job should simply quit and walk away – far from it. But a sense of deep powerlessness always indicates a misperception of our true power, talent and possibility. And we can learn to cultivate a truer perception, to stand in our talent and power and passion, before walking away from the job we’re in. (Of course, if we’re clearly guided to walk away – and we feel deep in our hearts it is the right thing to do, right now – then walking away would itself be a reclamation of power.)

Start with your intention to do just that – to acknowledge and stand in your talent and power and passion. Be willing to consider the possibility that the universe has infinite ways for you to realize your dreams.

Even if you’re not an entrepreneur or bestselling author like Tama.

Let me share the story of a friend of mine who recently went through a highly tumultuous time at work. She works in a large, bureaucratic organization and the chaos was caused by a change in leadership at the highest levels. As part of the transition from one regime to the next, it was decided that certain positions would be redefined and everyone currently in those positions had to reapply for them. And the reapplication and interviewing process was detailed, demanding and lengthy.

My friend is a high-potential employee with years of outstanding performance well documented in her file. She is creative, proactive and responsible – not to mention highly skilled and immensely talented. Yet the grueling process triggered a sense of self-doubt within her. She doesn’t like being interviewed, and kept wondering if she would “make it through.” She started to feel almost as if she would be lucky to keep her current job, in which she had excelled for years…and which she was sick of.

From my vantage point, I could easily recognize the chaotic transition as a time of great opportunity. From her vantage point it was at best a colossal nuisance and at worst a slap in the face of her many years of hard work. The self-doubt kept surfacing, and her inner wrangling was often matched by unexpected dips and changes in the outer process. It was wearing her down.

I kept encouraging her to ignore the outer drama and focus on her immense talents and contributions, and to get clear about the kind of job she really wanted. I knew if she connected with the deepest truth about who she is and what she wants, she would invite opportunity to reflect that truth.

Luckily for her – although at the time it didn’t seem lucky at all, it just seemed like busy work - one of the requirements of the process was for the applicants to compile a portfolio of their achievements. As my friend accumulated and organized the various reports and awards that documented the milestones of her career, she gained a newfound appreciation of herself. And at my urging, she took the time to sit with her journal and describe the kind of job that would best fit her creativity and skill. It felt good to contemplate it and recognize that she was indeed ready for that kind of job. She regained a deep connection with the truth of her talent and passion.

Fast-forward to the conclusion of the process. My friend did not retain the job she was in. She was promoted two grades – to the highest pay level – into a newly created position that matched what she had written in her journal. Turns out the universe didn’t just want her to tread water, it wanted her to move forward. And it created a whole new path for that to happen.

Her responsibility in the process was to be true to herself - to stand in the truth of her talent and passion.

And that is your responsibility, too.

When you do that, opportunity will meet you there.

Tama said in our conversation that she finally recognized, humbly yet joyfully, that her talent and genius represent an amazing gift to this planet, and she needed to value it. And she learned that when she values it, so does everyone else.

My friend learned the same thing. It is true for her, it is true for Tama and it is true for you.

And let’s be clear, this is not about being egotistical. It is about honoring the deepest truth of who you are. As Tama says in her book:

“There comes a time when you will have to stand up for the magnificent truth that trembles in your heart and bones. When you step out in this way, you are actually letting go of your ego, not letting it decide for you.”

Let yourself feel the truth in those words. Decide to acknowledge the deepest truth of your own talent and passion and possibility. Choose to speak and live from that truth. Remember that your wildest dreams can come true only when you remain wildly true to yourself.

The full audio recording of Suzanne’s interview with Tama is available at www.mysolidground.com.

There IS No Other Shoe

Earlier this year I experienced a real highlight of both my personal and professional lives, which was the opportunity I had to interview bestselling author Anita Moorjani, author of Dying to Be Me: My Journey from Cancer to Near Death to True Healing. I had been profoundly moved by a video I’d seen of her on YouTube, and after reading her book had the impulse to reach out and see if she’d be willing to talk to me, a writer for Living.Well Magazine. I had a strong desire to connect with her personally - and a sense of intuitive “rightness” about it.


So I acted on the impulse and sent an interview request through her website. My so-called reasoning mind tried to protect me from disappointment by reminding me that she must get thousands of such requests, and the chances of her spending quality time for an interview with a small regional magazine were slim to none. After all, she is an internationally known bestselling author on a world tour! It wouldn’t be wise to get my hopes up, said the sober one within me, with her backhanded brand of comfort. In effect she was saying, “Don’t feel bad if she doesn’t respond, you’re not important enough to garner a response.”

Yet deep within me I knew the interview was “supposed” to happen. Even with the voice of caution hissing in my ear, I felt an odd sense of destiny about the interview. And sure enough, within days I received a response from Anita’s assistant. She told me Anita would be delighted to schedule an interview with me, and we proceeded to email back and forth to work out the specifics of when, where and how the interview would be conducted. I was, quite simply, thrilled.

Each email was kinder and more generous than the last. I felt I was establishing genuine rapport with Anita’s assistant when, suddenly, all communication stopped. It happened after I sent the email with my list of specific questions for the interview. No response. I sent it again, and yet again. Still no response. I was baffled, frustrated and immensely disappointed. There was nothing further for me to do.

A heated conversation bubbled up within me. The seemingly “spiritual” part of me recommended I just let it go; clearly it wasn’t meant to be, and we all know that attachment to a specific outcome is the biggest recipe for unhappiness in life. Another part of me went over the sequence of communications and steps, looking for the mistake I must surely have made. Maybe the interview questions were somehow offensive. Maybe I had done something else wrong. If I could just figure it out, perhaps I could somehow correct it.

Another part of me was simply angry and hurt and prone to dramatic brooding.

Thankfully, deep in the eye of the swirling hurricane of confused thoughts and emotions, sat a very calm and centered part of me who offered the reminder that the sense of “rightness” I had initially felt was real and true. That sense, that knowing, was what I could trust.

So I gave myself time to simply feel the chaos of emotions that the other parts of me had churned up. After they subsided, and I sat in the blessed silence following the storm, a crystal-clear insight floated upward into my awareness. I suddenly realized that the sober voice who had tried to caution me from getting too excited about all of this was vibrating strongly within my energy field. She was the one proclaiming a very commonly held belief in mass consciousness that the whole thing was simply too good to be true. She had waited expectantly for the other shoe to drop.

And so it had dropped.

I could see with new eagle-eye vision that I had created the whole experience. The initial positive response from Anita’s assistant reflected my own initial enthusiasm and sense of destiny about the interview. The sudden halt in communication mirrored back the deeply held expectation that it was simply too good to be true. In that moment of recognition I declared, “Nothing is too good to be true!” It became my new mantra, and as I repeated it to myself I felt better and better.

And from that better-feeling place I decided to email Anita’s assistant one more time. I boldly ignored the worrier within who cautioned that I was being a pest. (She is such a killjoy.)

Within hours a response came back. Her assistant thanked me profusely for emailing again, explaining that their server had crashed and they’d lost many emails, including mine. They had no record of my email address or even the correct spelling of my name and were unable to contact me. Our warm and friendly communications resumed, and the interview was scheduled.

In one of the last emails I sent, I told Anita’s assistant that it had been a real pleasure communicating with her. What came back was a response from Anita herself, saying the pleasure had been all hers. It turns out her assistant had copied Anita on all of our emails, and Anita had actually read them. She was genuinely looking forward to our interview. Just as my inner sense of “rightness” had predicted she would.

If you haven’t already, I hope you’ll take the time to listen to our amazing conversation, which is posted on my website. I’ve received so many positive comments about it and I feel honored to have been part of something that has such tremendous potential to support radical healing and transformation across the globe.

And here’s what is so amazing to me as I reflect on the experience: it was created through love and trust in that deep sense of “rightness” I’ve mentioned several times. Powerful old beliefs such as, “It’s too good to be true” and “The other shoe is going to drop” almost prevented the interview from taking place – but love is always stronger than fear. When we dare to trust love, when we dare to honor our inner sense of “rightness,” we can move mountains. (Or at least, we can remediate the effects of a failed server.)

Of course, I’m also struck by how entrenched those fear-based beliefs are, and how powerfully the deeper expectations they generate can affect our experience. Yet the more aware we become of them, the less power they have over us. Be willing to acknowledge those ancient beliefs and let them go. Be willing to declare a new reality for yourself, such as my “Nothing is too good to be true!” mantra.

In a recent Facebook post, I commented on the power of letting go of the fear-based beliefs arising from mass consciousness:

“Sometimes we're afraid to let ourselves be happy; there's an underlying fear in mass consciousness that if we feel too good, the "other shoe" is going to drop and something unwanted will happen. But what if there is no other shoe? What if the happier you are, the more fulfilled and generous and secure you become?”

One of my friends posted back a couple of weeks later:

“Suzanne, I have been trying to stay with the concept of enjoying the moment and not looking at good things with the underlying thought of “when will the other shoe drop?” I find that I am enjoying the good stuff even more than I had before, and that the snafus are actually LESS affecting, because I am riding on a higher life line…”

YES! Let’s all declare that there is no other shoe! The more deeply we appreciate all that is good, and the more we expect good to flow into our lives, the better our lives get. And the better our lives get, the greater is our gift to the world through our very example and presence.

Trust your good. Trust your own sense of destiny and “rightness.” Dare to believe that nothing is too good to be true.

Destiny is Calling

The following is excerpted from an article to be published in the September issue of Living.Well Magazine (www.livingwellmagazine.net), which is based on a recent interview I conducted with best-selling author Tama Kieves upon the publication of her newest book, Inspired & Unstoppable: Wildly Succeeding in Your Life’s Work! Many of you know that Tama has been my beloved coach and mentor for years. She is amazingly gifted and profoundly inspiring. For those who don’t yet know Tama, she is an honors graduate of Harvard Law School who left her law practice to write and help others live their calling. In addition to Inspired & Unstoppable, she is the bestselling author of This Time I Dance! Creating the Work You Love. She is a sought-after speaker and career/success coach who has helped thousands worldwide to discover, launch, and thrive in the life, calling and businesses of their dreams. To learn more about Tama visit www.TamaKieves.com or follow her on Facebook and Twitter.

“You are meant to succeed in the work you love.

Your desire will take you all the way.”

So begins – and ends – Tama Kieves’ potent and profoundly inspiring new book, Inspired & Unstoppable: Wildly Succeeding in Your Life’s Work! And trust me when I tell you that everything in between is so moving, so compelling, so clear and brilliant and uplifting that you will want to read it again and again. It could easily become your most trusted guide on the journey of living a truly awake and inspired life.

And yes, you are meant to be inspired. You are meant to bring your dreams to life. No matter what your doubts may be telling you, you are meant to succeed in the work you love. Let’s hear it again from Tama:

“Hello, my courageous friend – you, trying on magnificence. There’s a ticket in your bones and you know it. You know who you are meant to be.

Still you insist on doubting yourself, calling it “realism,” to limit yourself to powerlessness. You’d rather “play it safe,” hedge your bets, trust sweetness only some of the time. But dear one, Wild Amazing Visionary people are the new safe. We are agents of invincible faculties. And we’re blazing trails of abundance.

There is nothing wavy gravy about believing in your wildest dreams. Your inspired inner voice is as real as bunions or bouillon soup. It’s not putting your head in the sand to believe in a higher intelligence than mass consciousness. It’s putting your head in the game. Love is the strongest power on the planet. You want results? Trust your Inspired Self. It’s a presence and intelligence that dwarfs everything else.”

If you’re like me, those words not only wake you up, they light you up. And that’s the magic of Tama Kieves. I can honestly tell you that reading Tama’s first book, This Time I Dance! Creating the Work You Love, was a life-changing experience for me. It provided an alchemical mix of inspiration and uncommon sense that powerfully bolstered my quivering choice to leave a high-paying corporate job and pursue my fledgling dreams.

That was over nine years ago, and without Tama’s brilliant writing and deeply insightful coaching, I may have given up on my dreams before they ever saw the light of day. And now, as I dare to take my dreams to a new level, Tama’s voice is here once again to champion and inspire and guide me. Perfect timing.

I joked with her that she must have written Inspired & Unstoppable just for me. She said that, in truth, she wrote it for herself. Her own burning desire to wildly succeed in the work she loves kept bumping up against all the advice “out there” about how to do it. Many experts emphasized the need to take massive action – through massively unappealing action steps – that left her feeling inferior and doubting whether she could really be successful.

On the other hand, there were plenty of other, more create-your-own-reality-oriented experts telling her how simple it could be if she could just align her energy with the perfect meditations and affirmations. Simple, perhaps. Easy…not always. What she really craved was guidance about how to find her own power and her own way to succeed.

Inspired & Unstoppable arose from that deep desire within her to define and create wild, inspired success. And not only did it satisfy Tama’s craving, it will undoubtedly satisfy yours.

Early on in the book Tama offers a distinction between what she calls linear success and inspired success. We all know what linear success looks like: we line ourselves up to get the right education so we can get the right job, and we go after the right job to get the right salary and bonus, and we spend the salary and bonus on the right house and the right investments in our 401-k plan. It is predictable and firmly sanctioned by our culture.

But as Tama said so simply and eloquently in our conversation, many of us feel crippled by that kind of success. We’re longing for something more, something different, something real. (But we still want plenty of money for the homes and experiences and investments that matter to us!) We don’t want to succeed by checking off the right boxes. We want to live an inspired life. We want to experience inspired success.

Inspired success is not about formulas and rules. It comes from a different source – an inner one. Tama explains that inspired success is what happens when we learn to listen to our desires and trust them, from moment to moment. It’s all about following the heat…the heat of your innermost dreams.

And what about those who aren’t yet clear what their dreams really are? If you’re like many people, you may feel frustrated or dissatisfied with your current job but you may not have a particular desire to do something else. I asked Tama about this and she shared some golden nuggets of insight.

It is often true that if you don’t know what you love – or think you don’t know – you simply need to take some action on whatever small nudge or impulse you do have. Rarely does a fully formed picture of your bold, beautiful life show up in your mind, all at once, as this big “Aha! THIS is what I’m meant to do!”

As Tama said in our interview, this is not a “head thing.” We keep waiting in our heads to be convinced, but it’s the experience of stepping toward our passion that convinces us. I’ve often said to clients that in order to create work they love, they have to let love lead. And often that “love” is a glimmer, an impulse that keeps showing up, or an idea that delights us.

Many of us are afraid to trust something as insubstantial as a glimmer, which brings me to another of the golden nuggets Tama shared during our interview and in the first chapter of her book: We must choose to be called. Wildly succeeding in your life’s work is as much a decision as an experience. When you choose to believe you are called – and that your dreams are the call – you choose everything else differently. You think differently. You live differently. You learn to respect your desires rather than to diminish them.

It is, in many ways, the most important choice you can make.

And when you make that choice, you begin to see success differently, too. Tama explained that so many of us are basing our success on current circumstances – and too readily judging ourselves as failures, particularly if we’re not already making tons of money doing what we love. She said with great clarity and passion that success “…is not in the details. It’s in the destiny.” It’s about following your desire, inclination and instinct moment to moment. Fundamentally, inspired success “is knowing that you’re doing the right thing with your time here on earth.”

I cannot imagine a higher or more loving definition of success. And I cannot imagine a book more gloriously suited to helping us experience that kind of wild, inspired success than Inspired & Unstoppable. In next month’s column I’ll share with you Tama’s insights and wisdom on dissolving limiting beliefs, navigating through fear and – yes – facing the “money issue.”

But for now see if you can really let this sink in:

“You are meant to succeed in the work you love.

Your desire will take you all the way.”

Until next month…see where your desires want to take you right now.

An Open Letter to Anyone Who Feels Stuck in a Job They Hate

There is something I want you to know.


You are not here just to pay the bills. You are not here to sacrifice everything that enlivens you so you can retire (much later, of course) and then start to enjoy life. You are not supposed to be chained to a job that demands relentless productivity and ignores your creative spirit. Being unhappy and resigned does not serve you…or your family.

And there is something else I want you to know.

You are brilliant in a way that only you can be. And your special brand of brilliance is revealed through your longings. What you want is an expression of who you are, so honoring what you want is the most essential way to honor yourself. And honoring yourself is the most essential way to liberate the innate creativity and generosity that uplifts everyone around you.

I have coached countless people over the years and find, time and again, that the starting point (or restarting point!) for living a deeply fulfilled life is to give yourself permission to want what you really want. Not what you think you should want, or what others think you should want, or what you think is practical right now. What you truly, deeply want. What you wish for.

I’ve always felt that wishful thinking gets a bad rap. Empowered with your focus and devotion, wishful thinking becomes a visionary, creative force. And that’s because your innermost wishes and dreams are neither foolish nor impractical. They are not random. They are specific to you, and they are your calling to the life you came here to live.

You may have heard all this before and possibly dismissed it as just so much – well, wishful thinking. It probably seems especially impractical if you’re buried in an overcommitted life with a demanding job and a parade of never-ending expenses to cover. But consider this: the very thinking that dismisses wishful thinking is what got you to this place. Maybe it’s time to consider a new perspective.

Which, happily, is the one thing that will shift your life in amazing ways: a change in perspective. Here is a little-understood dynamic that, as you begin to work with it, creates what most people would consider miracles: what you focus on is what expands in your life. Another way to say it is that energy follows attention – or, as a friend of mine who recently became certified as a yoga instructor so eloquently stated, “Where the mind goes, the prana follows.”

I think we have only begun to understand the vast creative power of our attention. What we attend to is what we create and experience. So when you start attending to your wishes and dreams, rather than dismissing them, you realize them. Can you let that sink in, deeply?

When you pay attention to your dreams – earnestly, with love - they become real.

You may think you already know this – well, you do already know this – but chances are, if you’re not yet living a deeply fulfilled life, you haven’t fully trusted it. You’re not living from this simple yet challenging truth…yet. Your attention is diverted in countless ways to things you’ve been taught to believe are important, but may have nothing to do with how you want to live your life. Like many of us, you may have taken on the conditioning of a fear-based culture that is quick to tell you what is wrong and maybe downright ludicrous with your dreams. You may have unwittingly learned how to doubt your talents and abilities. You may have dismissed your dreams because you can’t see a way, right this minute, for them to generate income.

You haven’t been taught how to honor and nurture and develop your dreams. You haven’t been encouraged to listen deeply within for guidance about next steps. You haven’t yet noticed that the voice you think is “practical” is really just scared. You haven’t been shown how to sift through the myriad thoughts and experiences of your life and consciously choose to align with the ones that light you up.

But you can, and you will – all it takes is your intention, your willingness…and maybe some loving support from a good friend or coach. And let me tell you, it is well worth the effort. You can start right here, right now by simply deciding to change your perspective. Decide that you will pay attention to your dreams, and begin to notice any thought, memory, idea or experience that lines up with them. Look for things to line up with them.

This is a deceptively simple yet potent practice that yields surprising results, and it works because of two related dynamics of energy and attention. The first is that we tend to see only what we’re looking for, and the second is the one I mentioned above: what we focus on is what expands in our lives. So first you need to make the choice to look for anything and everything that lines up with your dreams. Start by spending some quality time with your innermost thoughts and wishes…then begin to consider all the ways your dreams might be possible rather than all the ways they aren’t…then decide to look for anything in your outer world that already displays elements of your dream, or could be a resource needed to bring it to life. Keep deepening and expanding your focus on those things. Be willing to let your newly-focused attention open you to fresh insights, ideas and next steps.

Just start there. Pay attention to where you are paying attention, and keep choosing to pay attention to what you know, in your heart of hearts, matters to you. Choose again and again. Give yourself some quality time and space to listen inward and see what your inner Wise One is nudging you to do. Then do it.

And let me know what happens.

Your Most Important Job

This is an excerpt from the second of three articles, to be published in Living.Well Magazine, featuring highlights of my recent interview with Anita Moorjani, best-selling author of Dying To Be Me: My Journey from Cancer to Near Death to True Healing. For the full article be sure to pick up the July issue of Living.Well Magazine! (www.LivingWellMagazine.net)

            How many times have you said to yourself, or been told by others, that you have to go after what you want, to pursue success and “make things happen” if you want a fulfilling life? This is a commonly held perspective in our goal-oriented culture that still prizes rugged individualism and a “pick-yourself-up-by-your-own-bootstraps” mentality. But what if there is a more elegant and harmonious way to manifests our desires and create lives we truly love? What if the whole idea of “making things happen” runs counter to the way our universe actually works? What if our lives are supposed to be filled with joy rather than struggle?

            Anita Moorjani believes we are meant to live joyful lives, an understanding she gained through her near death experience (NDE). The fact that so many of us are not living in joy doesn’t prove it isn’t possible or realistic; it simply reflects the all-too-common circumstance of our forgetting who we are – forgetting that we are magnificent beings who are deserving of good things coming to us.

            Which means that remembering who we are is central to living in joy.

This is how it “works.” Because we are living in an energy-based, interconnected universe, coming into inner alignment with who we really are creates shifts in the fabric of consciousness that generate reflective shifts in our outer world. (Did you get that?) Here is a perfect example of what I mean, which Anita told me about during our interview:

Some time after her NDE, when she was fully healed from cancer and beginning to share her story with the world via her blog, a group of skeptics began harshly criticizing her. They believed she was instilling false hope in people with cancer and wasn’t offering anything useful, since her experience wasn’t immediately replicable in a scientifically-controlled-experiment kind of way. At first she began defending her position, but quickly recognized that as a fear-based response pulling her into an old attack/defense dynamic that was leading nowhere. So she stepped back.

She stopped blogging for several months and used that time to go deeply within herself, to center again in her truth. And she came to the realization that, not only had her NDE been authentic to her and very real, her desire to share her story with others was just as real, and just as authentic: being the message - embodying the message - was being her authentic self.

            She referred to that realization as an awakening, and it arose from her intention to come into alignment with her inner truth. And it was just after the awakening that she was contacted by Hay House about the possibility of publishing her story as a book.  On her birthday, no less! 

            Prior to that time, she had begun writing a book and had been told by many people that there was already a glut of books in that genre, that she would need to find an agent and face an uphill climb to even be considered by a publisher. Anita had no idea how to do any of that. She told me she didn’t even try the struggling, fear-based way of “making that happen.” She trusted that if the world was ready for her message, the message would be delivered to the world.

            And through the process of going inward to resolve the doubt that was triggered by the skeptics, she gained newfound clarity that she had to do her part in order for the universe to respond. Her message could not be delivered to the world until she came into complete alignment with the truth that sharing the message was an embodiment of her authentic self. It was hers to do, because it flowed from who she was.

 In her book she describes the intricate, synchronistic details that led to Wayne Dyer finding her story and deciding it needed to be published. She said in our conversation that all of those synchronicities were happening as she was resolving her inner doubt. She stated emphatically that the outer experience of being contacted to publish her story was “truly, totally, 100%” a reflection of her inner work.

            Anita understands now that all of us have the same job: to align ourselves with our own truth. She spoke for each one of us when she told me, “When I realize who I am, then what is mine comes to me.” She explained that when we “go after” things, we’re hammering into our minds the false belief that we are not already worthy, that we have to work hard to get what we want because it’s “out there” and in pursuing it we can prove our worthiness to have it. Yet our worth is a given; it does not need to be proven. It simply is. And in this interconnected, vibrational universe, when our awareness is tuned into the vibration of “who I really am,” we’re already connected with “what I desire.” It isn’t separate from who we are, it’s an extension or expression of who we are.

            So the real art of manifesting our authentic desires, as Anita says so clearly in the book, is not to go after them, but instead to expand our consciousness to allow them into our experience. That expansion is a natural outgrowth of, first, centering in our truth, and then allowing ourselves to feel our connection with nature and All-That-Is, to sense ourselves as part of a much larger Whole that is continually unfolding and expanding. She told me that she takes time each day to get quiet, to go within and find that centered connection. In her words, “I feel I’m part of something much bigger, and my part in it counts, it matters.” (my emphasis)

            This is what I love about Anita’s message. It so deeply affirms what I have believed in my heart of heart for years, which has been the foundation of my coaching and teaching: that who we are matters, that what we love or long for is a natural extension of who we are in this physical realm, and that not only does honoring our authentic longings bring us fulfillment, it is our perfect way of serving the Whole. I could not imagine a more elegantly and beautifully designed system. When we love and honor our true selves, we love and serve others in a genuine and joyful way.

            So let’s follow Anita’s lead.  Set an intention to be true to your authentic self, and be open to exploring what that means…to you. Give yourself some quality time and space in which to center within yourself and feel your connection with the larger Whole. Be mindful of your feelings and what they reveal to you about what you truly like, and what you’re genuinely willing to do - or not do. Look for ways to honor and express your unique magnificence.

            Remember that you matter.

            And remember Anita’s experience. She literally healed herself of cancer in being aware of who she really is, and in continuing to go deeply within herself to find and live her truth, she transformed an experience of self-doubt into one of magnificent self-expression. In daring to honor herself, she has helped countless others through her book, her continuing generosity in sharing her message through multiple media, and indeed her very presence.

            Your presence is every bit as transformative. Just…be yourself.

Retreat TO Reality

This time two weeks ago I was relaxing at the beach, reveling in gratitude for the spiritual retreat I had just led with six inspiring women. We gathered on Friday evening, all day Saturday and for several hours on Sunday. The theme of the retreat was self-love, and as the weekend unfolded we shed layers of habits and doubts and should’s and must do’s – and to each of us, a brilliant inner core of magnificence was revealed. It was profound and wonderful and genuinely transformative. It was also, dare I say, fun.


And very, very real.

Let me say that another way: we were living in reality.

I’ve noticed that many people have a strong tendency, after having experienced something like a retreat or a deeply nourishing vacation, to view it as somehow apart from reality. How many times have you heard yourself or others say, as the vacation winds down and it’s time to go home, “Now it’s back to reality!”

Somehow we’ve come to associate “reality” with work and responsibility and obligation and struggle, oddly ignoring or marginalizing the moments of our lives when we experience joy, contentment, peace or delight. We haven’t yet fully grasped that reality is what we make it, and we’re “making it” every moment of our lives with our intention, our energy and our attention. Every bit of our experience is real, and we have a lot of creative power to experience reality in fresh ways that empower and uplift us rather than through past conditioning that disempowers and diminishes us.

When we dare to step away from that old conditioning and immerse ourselves for a day or a weekend or a week with a clear intention for self-connection, we aren’t stepping away from reality. We’re actually plunging ourselves into it. The sparkling, funny, inspired, creative, bold and brilliant self we discover in moments of profound awareness is who we really are – it is our most authentic Self. And giving that Self a little air time is amazingly refreshing. It rights our perspective and reveals our intuitive knowing about how we want to live our lives. It reminds us of our talent and creativity and absolute worthiness to live a life we love. It helps us remember that it is only through loving ourselves that we can grow into our magnificence.

And once we’ve awakened to this truth of who we really are, we can take that expanded awareness back into our day-to-day lives. We can choose to set aside time to remember those moments of profound self-connection - and bring them into the present moment through our loving attention to those memories. We can include in our daily lives the practices we learned at the retreat, simple things such as meditation and journaling and chanting that connect us with our magnificent, authentic Self. We can set a clear and firm intention to live true to that Self, and let that intention guide our moment-to-moment choices.

And that’s really what it’s all about. Stepping away from our usual habits of thinking and doing, with the express intention for connecting with our deepest truth, opens our eyes to the many subtle – and not so subtle - ways we may be diminishing or even betraying ourselves in daily life. With that newfound awareness, along with a strengthened connection to the brilliant inner core of our being, we can declare a renewed intention to live true to ourselves. And from that intention will arise new choices – in everything from how we think to what we prioritize to what we let go of – that will change our lives.

In other words, we can bring the reality of the retreat – an expanded awareness of who we really are - into the reality of our day-to-day lives. And in doing so, we create a whole new reality.

That’s why I’m a huge fan of retreats, both the extended kind and the mini-retreats we create by giving ourselves time out each day for quiet self-connection. They are absolutely essential to a deeply fulfilled life, for it is only through profound self-connection that we come to know ourselves, and it is only through knowing ourselves that we can fulfill our unique potential…and it is only through fulfilling our unique potential that we can live in joy.

During our closing ceremony at the retreat, we spoke aloud the following poem by Raymond Carver. May it inspire you to retreat into the reality of your true, beloved Self.

Late Fragments

And did you get what you wanted in this life, even so?


     I did.


And what did you want?


     To call myself beloved, to feel myself beloved on the earth.

All We Are Is Love

The following is excerpted from an article to be published in the June issue of Living.Well Magazine. The full article will be the first in a series of three which summarize the highlights of my extraordinary interview with Anita Moorjani, author of the best-selling book Dying To Be Me: My Journey from Cancer to Near Death to True Healing. You can listen to the amazing conversation here.



Let me tell you a little about Anita Moorjani. She is kind. She is generous. She is warm and supportive. She is funny. She is incredibly wise. She is gracious. She is respectful. She is someone with whom I would love to have talked for hours. (And very nearly did, thanks to a technology breakdown during our across-the-globe call and her generosity in making up the time we lost…and then giving me even more.) If Oprah still had her talk show, you can bet Anita would be a sought-after guest.


And that’s because her message is so profound and inspiring. It is also elegantly simple, and our busy, complexity-loving minds might be tempted to dismiss it as simplistic. Yet it is a message that, as we let it sink into our hearts and minds and the very marrow of our bones, can literally transform our lives

Here it is: We are magnificent beings whose very essence is love. Our forgetting of that truth gives rise to all that we would consider unwanted in our lives and in our world; our remembering of it restores us to wholeness and joy.

This is where Anita and I started our conversation. She spoke with great clarity and passion about the realization she gained, during her near death experience (NDE), that she was loved unconditionally – and that she deserved this love just because she existed. She understood with complete clarity that we are not here to work or perform or prove ourselves worthy, and all of our efforts to do so are futile: there is no need to prove what is already given. In her words, “Because you have been put on this planet, you are deserving of good things coming to you.”

This may be a message you have heard before. (I hope so.) It is certainly one that I have heard and embraced and shared with my students and clients. And yet hearing it from Anita opened me to feel it more deeply, to know its truth with greater certainty. From my perspective, her very presence – and her generous, loving commitment to share her realizations with the world - affirm this potent message in a way that helps us embody it more fully.

Anita came to this understanding during her extraordinary NDE. She recognized that her cancer was not some karmic punishment for past wrongdoing, nor was it her “fault” for having made unhealthy choices. She saw clearly that her cancer was the manifestation of her own magnificence that had been repressed. In effect, her magnificence had been turned inward, which was an unnatural state; it was meant to radiate outward. And she knew with equal clarity that, in returning to life in this physical dimension, her magnificence expressed would heal her body.

As she explains so simply and eloquently in her book and interviews, it was fear that had repressed her magnificence - fear that she wasn’t good enough (and, later, fear specifically of getting cancer). Like so many of us, she grew up feeling inadequate in many ways and thinking she needed to change in order to be liked or accepted. Her story is one of both racial and gender biases, yet the conditions giving rise to any of us feeling inadequate are many. Anita said during our conversation, and I would agree with her, it’s likely that most of us feel inadequate or “not enough” in some way – and nothing could be further from the truth.

And this gets to the breathtakingly simple heart of her message: it is in realizing, or remembering, who we really are that we open ourselves to vibrant health and joyful living. And how might we do that in the absence of something as dramatic as a near death experience? This is the really good news: we open ourselves to remembering our magnificence by cultivating genuine self-love.

Since our very essence is love, it is through self-love that we connect with our authentic, magnificent selves. And in being our authentic selves we live the joy-filled lives we came here to live. In fact, this is where things get really juicy and fun. As Anita said during our conversation, “The more authentic you are, the more you attract what is really yours.” We talked about the pure creative power of being, of allowing and attracting into our experience that which we desire.

More on that later. For now I’d like to leave you with the heartfelt message that Anita shared at the end of our conversation. She said, “Find your joy! Listen to your emotions and do what makes you happy.” We may be tempted to dismiss that as impractical, but honoring this truth is what restored Anita to full health and vibrancy, and put her life on a whole new trajectory. What could be more practical than being healthy, happy and successful?

And we can begin that new trajectory in our own lives by committing to loving ourselves, right now. Let’s be willing to be amazed at how magnificent we really are.