Moments of Grace

I've been thinking about the well-worn phrase, "There, but for the grace of God, go I." I don't think it's used as commonly today as it was in the past, yet the sentiment is still expressed, especially during times of great crisis such as that being faced by the people of Haiti.

It's meant, I believe, to remind us to be grateful for the blessings in our life - and gratitude for blessings is something I wholeheartedly endorse! - yet there is something about it that bothers me. Maybe not the phrase itself, but the faint aroma of pity that often accompanies it. It's as if the person going through a challenge or crisis is somehow outside of God's grace, and we can only stand back and watch in horror, thankful that we're not walking in their shoes - and thankful that we are the beneficiaries of God's grace, even though others are not. Whew, we dodged that bullet! Now if only we can make it to the end of our lives without having to experience anything like that... We hope we'll continue to be lucky, since grace appears to be rather capricious.

I'll be the first to admit that an experience of grace is something we cannot plan, force or expect; it comes as a great gift from realms beyond our human understanding - a mysterious, unspeakably tender yet powerful revelation of the divine mind and sacred heart within us. It is, paradoxically, both humbling and expansive - and it is also, much to our confusion and frustration, as brief and swift as lightning. We cannot control it, and we cannot hold onto it. We can only be open to receive it.

And we are all, each and every one of us, worthy of receiving grace. It is not bestowed only on the lucky few who have proven themselves in some way, because inherent worth has no need of proof. Grace cannot be earned or bargained for. It is not a reward for good behavior, and its apparent absence is not a punishment for wrongdoing.

I've come to believe that grace is both a reflection of, and a catalyst for, our awakening to the greater truth of our innate divinity and worth. It shakes loose the grip of our conditioned, fear-based view of the world and reveals something wondrous, magnificent and yet inexplicably simple. It lightens our load. Grace opens us to healing and forgiveness in a way we didn't even know we needed.

And grace has many faces; it can be experienced in moments that are silent and still, and also in moments of great chaos and confusion. It shows up in the very form and timing that uniquely serve our growth. It is intensely personal, which means we are not equipped to discern moments of grace for others; we can only be open to recognizing grace-filled moments in our own lives.

Which brings me back to, "There, but for the grace of God..." When we see others who are going through times of great struggle, I think we honor them not by assuming they have somehow fallen outside of God's grace, but by remembering that they, like we, are already worthy of grace - and that grace may indeed be present in the situation, even if we can't see it. We honor them by ackowledging not just their fear and pain, but also their nobility and courage. And of course we honor them by helping them in whatever way we are called.

And we honor grace itself by recognizing it in our lives, however brief or infrequent it appears to be. In those moments we can say, "Here I am, in the grace of God." And we can be very grateful - not because grace chose us over someone else, but because grace exists.

Igniting Inspiration

In the past few days I've had several conversations with friends in which they lamented a lack of focus, energy and inspiration in their lives. Here they are, at the start of a fresh new year - new decade! - feeling drifty and lackluster and perhaps a wee bit apathetic. Or maybe feeling grumpy and overwhelmed. Or just plain tired. Not the best way to feel, it seems, at a time when most of us are ready to commit to some kind of positive change in our lives. We want to feel clear, energized and ready for action.

Like my friends, I don't feel particularly clear, energized or ready for action right now. And like them, that bothers me a little - especially since I'm a transformational life coach, someone who supposedly knows a thing or two about staying focused and inspired. So what do I do at a time like this? I stop. Which, paradoxically, is the quickest way to get started again.

And here is what I stop: I stop thinking I should feel anything other than the way I feel right now. I stop the spiral of thoughts that starts with, "I don't feel inspired" and ends up with, "I just don't have what it takes to succeed in this work!" I stop trying to figure out why I'm not inspired. I stop forcing myself to just do something, already. I stop heaping judgmental labels on myself, and I stop fussing over my to-do list.

I just stop for a moment, and breathe. And breathe some more. And maybe a little more.

I invite a little humor and perspective into the situation: after all, my temporary lack of inspiration and focus is not likely to result in world devastation or complete personal failure. I remind myself of the many times I've been in this place, and the many times I've found my way back to a clear and inspired path. I challenge myself - gently, of course, since I don't have a whole lot of energy - to see how this time might be serving me. Maybe I do need to rest, or maybe I simply need to practice a deeper level of self-acceptance. Maybe I'm procrastinating because I'm afraid of something, and that fear is now ready to be faced and healed. Maybe now is a good time to write in my journal, pray or call a dear friend. Or all three.

I decide to see my seeming lack of inspiration not as a problem, but as an opportunity to slow down and look more deeply inside. And from there I gently check in with myself: "What do I have the authentic impulse, the energy and the willingness to do right now?" And I keep my answer very, very simple. Just one small step, then check in again. And repeat.

I also pause to acknowledge myself warmly for accomplishing each tiny step - look, I'm regaining my footing! That may seem a bit ridiculous from the outside looking in, but from the inside looking out it feels kind and supportive, which is exactly the environment that's needed for reigniting our inspired life force energy. As we learn to replace self-judgment with self-compassion, we increase our capacity for inspiration, creativity and joy.

So if, like my friends and me, you're treading a little water right now and wondering how to move forward, just stop for a moment. Breathe deeply and invite your mind to clear. Set aside, just for now, all the thoughts you have about what needs to be done and why you need to kick yourself into gear and do it. Create a little space to check in with yourself. Look for the baby steps, the ones you're willing to take right now even if they aren't the big important ones on your to-do list. Don't expect yourself to feel inspired right away, just love yourself as you are and coax yourself gently into the next thing that feels right. Honor yourself for taking each step.

Or take a short nap, or a long vacation. Then start again.

Everyday Enlightenment

It is now day 4 of the new year and as a responsible blogger I feel almost obligated to write something about fresh starts, setting intentions or making resolutions. And perhaps in a future post I will, because - regardless of whether you start on 1/1 or any other day of the year - taking the time to reflect deeply on who you are and what you long to create or experience is essential to living a conscious,  meaningful and fulfilling life.

But today I want to write about something else. Today I want to share an experience with you that affirmed, for me, the immense value of committing to a spiritual path, a path of wisdom and enlightenment. I know "enlightenment" is a big word with lots of baggage, which is why this experience was so helpful. It reminded me that enlightenment is not a singular mind-blowing mystical experience or a far-off goal to be reached. It can be known as a sense of joy and lightness in the seemingly small events of our lives. It is about enlightening ourselves with the truth of the moment.

Recently I've been exploring the spiritual principle of, "That which we perceive to be lacking is what we have in abundance to give." It's a challenging one, frankly, and it's easy to get tangled up in overly-specific and very tangible descriptions of what we perceive is lacking. In order to reap the rewards of this principle, we must be willing to consider the intangible essence of things - which is where all the juice is, anyway.

So here is what happened. A very good friend of mine (whom I'll call Natalie) invited me to join her and another friend of hers (whom I'll call Jean) for an outing to the movies. I had met Jean once or twice before, and she'd expressed to Natalie an interest in getting to know me better. I, too, had felt a certain kinship in those early connections with her, and so I was very much looking forward to spending time with her. I was also very much looking forward to going to the movies! So my initial response was an enthusiastic, "Yes!" All we had to do was agree on a specific date and movie time.

The next day, as I was looking over my commitments and early-new-year deadlines, I realized I wasn't as far along on my to-do list as I needed to be, and that enjoying a few hours at the movies probably wasn't the best way for me to spend my time. Still, it was possible that - if I was unsually focused and productive - I could get things done quickly and feel good about taking some time for fun. I called Natalie to let her know I probably wouldn't be able to join them, and suggested she and Jean choose the time that worked best for them and just let me know what they'd chosen. And if I was in a position to join them at that time, I would.

There was an additional flurry of calls and messages I won't bore you with, having to do with the possibility of seeing a different movie. Suffice it to say that nothing was definitively resolved other than an agreement that the movie date would be on Saturday. Mid-morning that day I received a call from Natalie, who wanted to know if I would be joining them. I realized I would need the entire day to get done what I wanted to get done, so I called her back and said that I wouldn't. Natalie was very gracious, as always, yet in that conversastion she revealed more than a little frustration at the tangled-up mess we'd made of trying to coordinate a movie date, only to have it "not work out." She even compared me to another friend of hers who repeatedly backed out of commitments. My ego was more than a little ruffled at that.

After that call I felt out of sorts, replaying the conversastion in my mind. My ego was adamant that it wasn't my fault, crafting a version of the experience that clearly justified my position - and helpfully pointing out how Natalie had failed to communicate clearly in several instances. I called her back to calmly explain my choice again, certain that with a better explanation she would see the light and realize I was nothing like that other friend of hers. (In that conversation I - my ego - also decided to do Natalie a favor by explaining the part she had played in messing things up.) Despite my calm demeanor and crystal-clear explanation, Natalie did not seem particularly helped. I hung up feeling out of sorts yet again.

I had nowhere else to turn but inward. I knew this whole thing wasn't about Natalie, it was about me and my inability to see clearly through the righteous and defensive lens of my ego. I asked myself, "What do I perceive is missing here?" and the answer was immediate: understanding. I felt misunderstood. Deep breath. That meant that "understanding" was what I had in abundance to give to heal the situation.

I thought back to our earlier conversation, in which Natalie had said several times that she hated being "in the middle." At the time my response had been to challenge what being "in the middle" really meant. I could certainly understand the discomfort that arises when someone tries to mediate a dispute between two friends, but that wasn't the case here. She was merely coordinating a movie date! I cringed inwardly as I recognized with simple clarity how I had invalidated her perception rather than seeking to understand it. I also saw that my agreement with her definition of "in the middle" was completely irrelevant. My only job was to be present, listen, understand and respond.

And so I decided to alter my response in a way that demonstrated my willingness to offer understanding. After our second call Natalie had agreed to explain to Jean why I wouldn't be joining them, and suggest to her that she call me herself if she wanted to spend time with me. A rational and helpful response, but one that put Natalie squarely in the middle, at least for that conversation. Which was what she didn't want. I saw how simple it would be for me to call Jean directly and do my own explaining.

I called Jean, explained that I wouldn't be able to join them for the movie, and suggested we meet for lunch. She was understanding and very enthusiastic about scheduling a lunch date, which we did with great ease. I then called Natalie to let her know I'd spoken with Jean and that she didn't have to speak to her for me. Her relief was almost palpable, even over the phone. I could hear in her voice and words the tremendous energy we experience when a load has been lifted, and she thanked me numerous times.

When I hung up the phone from that third call with Natalie, I felt humbled and yet expanded and blessed at the same time. I experienced such a sense of spaciousness and freedom within me that I actually felt physically lighter. I could see with sparkling clarity the great gift of Natalie's friendship and the privilege of being introduced to another kindred soul on the path. I was awakened to the abundance of kindness and nourishing connections in my life - and also to the reactiveness of my ego that almost prevented me from appreciating them. I recognized the profound wisdom of offering that which I perceived to be lacking, a paradoxical choice that connected me with kindness and generosity in a way that served us all.

I was, in that moment, enlightened.