Seeing Through the Eyes of Love

Imagine that, after recognizing your spark for living a passionate life has been withering inside of you, you’ve finally given yourself permission to start something you’ve wanted to do for a long time, something that really matters to you. It’s a nudge from your soul you can no longer ignore, and you’re tingling with anticipation. Maybe the art class you’ve longed to take is being offered close to your home, or you’re fired up to start training for a half-marathon, or you’ve been harboring an idea for a new business you know in your heart of hearts will succeed.


You begin taking your first tentative steps…then you’re walloped with an avalanche of harsh criticism from everyone close to you: your partner, your mother, your women’s circle, even your best friend. They’re aghast at your naïveté, sure that you’re making a big mistake and speaking to you in no uncertain terms about the risks of your undertaking. They’re convinced you just don’t have what it takes. Every time you mention your dream, they overpower you with their alarming prophecies of failure. They’re very convincing, relying as they are on statistics and stories they’ve heard of other people’s bad experiences – maybe even their own – and the immutable logic of how your family will suffer if you take this on.

You start seeing things their way. “Good God, what was I thinking?” you mutter to yourself, incredulous that you could have entertained such a ridiculous notion. You sigh, then shove your dream into the recycling bin. And you get back to your real life, the one that’s lacking a certain zest but is at least safe and manageable.

And you wither a little more on the inside.

Time and again my clients have this soul-crushing experience. Except the naysayers are not people outside of them (although occasionally they are). It turns out that the most potent voices of criticism and negativity arise from within, and they’re every bit as damning and paralyzing as anything our nearest and dearest could say to us. We stop ourselves before we ever really get started, practiced as we are at focusing on what could go wrong and lamenting all the inner and outer resources we seem to be lacking.

We could ask ourselves why we’re so practiced at self-judgment – and the conversation could be illuminating! – yet the “why” is really outside the scope of this article. And in truth, spending a lot of time trying to figure out why we sabotage ourselves can often, itself, be another delay tactic. The important thing to recognize is that we’ve formed habits of thinking and habits of focusing our attention that are not aligned with our innate creativity, brilliance and passion.

So we need to learn new habits. And I want to tell you about one that I have found to be powerfully life-changing. I call it the Eyes of Love journal, and the very purpose of keeping this journal is to help you cultivate a loving and wise voice that supports your dreams and affirms your worthiness and talent in pursuing them.

The Eyes of Love journal is different from a gratitude journal, although expressions of gratitude are of course welcome. This journal is for recognition, acknowledgment, appreciation and celebration – of you and all of your amazing qualities. Especially the qualities that your dreams are calling you to cultivate.

Here is the basic idea. On a regular basis – ideally every day but at least weekly – sit down in a quiet space with your journal and pen. Consider the past day or week and ask your Wise and Loving Self to show you how your experiences during that time look through her eyes. Specifically ask to recognize things you can really appreciate about yourself, things you can genuinely honor and congratulate yourself for, no matter how large or small.

This is not about pumping up your ego and pointing out all the ways you are better than others. (The Eyes of Love journal is all about you, not about anyone else – except to the extent that they reflect, validate or affirm something in you that you value.) This is about intentionally connecting with the part of you who longs for a fulfilled life and knows you’re worthy of living one, and giving her a voice. It’s about cultivating a habit of thinking and focusing your attention in a way that supports your dreams rather than denying them.

If you’re like a lot of people with whom I’ve worked, you may be attracted to this idea - but speaking to and about yourself in this way is so foreign to you, you don’t quite know what to say. So here are a few ideas to get you started:

• You can write in the first or second person, whichever feels more intimate and real to you. If you write in the second person, try using the format of a letter, such as “Dear Brenda, It’s so good to connect with you! I wanted to tell you what a great job you did on…”

• Ask yourself these questions to stimulate your thinking:

• What went really well for me yesterday, and what part did I play in that?

• What are the qualities I think are important for the life I want to live (e.g., confidence, clarity, creativity, humor, focus, kindness, perseverance, self-trust, etc.)? How might I have demonstrated any of those qualities yesterday?

• What compliments, validation or expressions of appreciation did I receive from others? (Then let yourself take a minute to really feel the truth of those comments.)

• What did I accomplish that I feel really good about?

• When did I experience joy or happiness or deep contentment? How did I create that experience? (Remember that being open to receive is something to note and appreciate!)

• If the day was a challenging one, look for any new awareness or insight the challenges generated, and also see if you can name several inner or outer resources that are available to help with the challenges.

You may want to begin and end each entry with a personal affirmation that genuinely resonates with you, such as “I have what it takes to succeed” or “I am worthy of being fully supported in doing the work I love” or “I am lovingly guided to make healthy and prosperous choices.”

Again, nothing is too small or too large to be captured in the Eyes of Love journal. In fact, the more ”small” or specific you can be, the more real this becomes for you. You might write things such as, “I love the outfit I put together yesterday – I got so many compliments on it!” or “I am so pleased that I maintained my sense of humor during that difficult conversation with my son…” or “When Tom said he really wants to work with me because our businesses are successful and growing, I realized he’s seeing me the way I want to see myself.”

You get the idea. Oh, and although I think this is obvious, let me say it, anyway: this is not a journal for complaining or worrying or dissecting a difficult conversation or venting your feelings. More often than not, that type of journaling devolves into some form of negativity or judgment or perhaps feelings of righteousness or resignation – the old conditioning takes over and you’re seeing and writing about things through a lens of “what’s wrong” or “what’s missing.” The whole point of this journal is to see with fresh eyes – the eyes of love – and to condition yourself to focus in ways that strengthen and expand your capacity for joy.

Are you in? Okay, then let me give you a specific challenge: write in your Eyes of Love journal for 30 days in a row, then see how you feel. Just commit to doing it, and don’t miss a day. After the 30 days you’ll probably want to continue daily, but don’t turn this into a rigid task. (Most people find it’s something they genuinely look forward to doing.) Find your right frequency and rhythm, but find a way to keep it going after the 30 days.

And let me know what happens. I’m willing to bet that, if you take this on with genuine willingness and commitment, you will feel stronger, more confident and self-loving than you have ever felt. You will notice that your life is flowing with greater ease and joy. You will begin to feel that you really do have what it takes to follow your dreams.

And you will be right.

Reality: Some DIS-Assembly Required

The following is a blog post written by author and teacher Lola Jones, which I'm reprinting with her permission. See more of Lola's blogs at www.divineopenings.com. Enjoy!

In the sixties and seventies we said, "Question Authority!"


Now I tell people, "Disrespect Reality!"

Why give our power away to any outer "reality," whether it's government, relationship, a job, or health condition? Just because it's physical and it's staring you in the face doesn't mean it's real-- or permanent. Don't give it so much respect.

Disrespect it.

Take your power back.

Today's reality is merely an out-picturing of your feelings and beliefs. Most people just keep re-creating yesterday's reality! Change, and tomorrow you could take delivery on a fresh reality. All you have to do is give up the old one. It's all ephemeral-- as insubstantial as mist. The trouble is that in this Age of Reason, we've bought so heavily into physical "reality" that we actually worship it, bow down to it, revere it, and fear it.

Let's take an empowering look, behind the curtain, at what beliefs really are.

They're just big boxes of evidence that you've collected, or you "bought them" from someone else. They are pre-decided experience!

Our minds "organize" our reality for us in compartments, all neatly boxed up. It's how we keep a very complicated reality under "control".... by simplifying it and OVER-simplifying it.

Oversimplified example: As a child, Sue fails at something. That's her first piece of evidence that she's defective. She becomes a magnet for more evidence of it. Soon she's collected a whole box of evidence for it, other people affirm it, and it's HER reality.

This applies to every concept you have about yourself, the world, and others.

So more evidence keeps showing up. We attract evidence that fits our beliefs. So anything we deeply believe in our unconscious seems to get more and more true by the day.

What DO you do with evidence that doesn't support your beliefs?

Your unconscious deletes it, because it doesn't fit in the box with the other contents! You think, "Oh, that's a fluke!" I often see people being completely unable to see evidence that doesn't fit in their box. What evidence? Where? It's as if for them, it's not there!

Or you can discount it, or distort it to fit, "Well, I succeeded at that, but that was too EASY. Any failure of a person could succeed at that!" or "Yes, it's working now, but it won't keep working."

Most people don't experience reality at all. They literally only experience their boxes. Sit with that for a moment! Other people are in boxes, their health and their job is seen through the filter of their box of evidence.

What they believe is possible for them in life is all boxed up and sealed. Done.

*******************************

There are two main kinds of beliefs, the kind you picked up from a personal experience like Sue's, and beliefs you absorbed by osmosis from your parents, culture, media, friends, and the giant collective unconscious. In my book it's referred to as the Ancient Mind.

The collective unconscious is a sort of "community pool" of beliefs that we swim in daily. We live by thousands of unquestioned assumptions that we "absorbed" unconsciously from this collective.

One of the most damaging of these beliefs is that reality is some kind of fixed, unchangeable thing. How often do you hear, "face reality," "get real," "be realistic," or "that's impossible"?

Any reality is only one creation out of many possibilities.

Why limit yourself?

People say, "This is THE reality. It's proven, true, and real because there is evidence."

Of course you have evidence!

When you believe it, evidence for it finds you. And once you know how powerful you are, you will never again be a victim of a reality that you yourself created.

When you get conscious of your beliefs and take back your power, you're really going to like what happens.

Ask The Divine to go on a box-busting adventure with you. If you can't find the belief, ask The Divine to do the heavy lifting.

The Dive In And Be With It audios are great for this, because you don't have to know, figure out, or analyze what's holding you back. You just tune into the subject you want to address, and find the feeling. Then relax, and let the process take you.

To learn more about Diving In process, or to order, go to http://www.divineopenings.com/.
OR..... if you're already good at the diving in process, you've mastered the moving of your emotions, and surf them like a pro, here's something more advanced for you:

When you create something you don't particularly like, try this:

"Hmmm, how amazing that I created that. I sure am a powerful creator.

It's only energy in form, and I can create something else just as easily."

When you create something you love, try this:

"Ahhh, I created that.

I sure am a powerful creator.

It's only energy in form, but I sure do appreciate it."

*********************

OK!

Dig out your old hippie headband and start a revolution.

Bust some boxes!

Disrespect reality!

Love,

Lola

www.divineopenings.com

Could Steve Jobs' Wisdom Be the Nudge You Need?

Several months ago I received a flurry of emails from friends and clients, who were forwarding me either a link to a YouTube video of Steve Jobs' 2005 commencement address to the graduating seniors of Stanford University, or a transcript of that same speech. I'm not sure why it was making the rounds then, but it doesn't matter. To say the speech was inspiring, engaging and very humanly real would be an understatement. He was definitely speaking from his heart to ours.


With Steve's recent passing, another client forwarded me a quote from that same speech. Once again I was moved by his clear, straightforward message to follow your heart - first and always. Below are two of my favorite excerpts from his commencement address, both of which speak to themes that are central to my work in helping clients create work - to create lives - they love:

"Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something - your gut, destiny, life (my emphasis), karma, whatever. This approach has never let meknow, and it has made all the difference in my life."

Clients who have worked with me know that I often use the analogy of following the breadcrumbs, or holding a flashlight that illuminates only your next step, to convey the mystery of our inner guidance. It doesn't lay out a five-year plan, and that's a good thing!

I have come to understand that our inner guidance is connected to - in some real way is an aspect of - the Divine Intelligence that guides the very expansion and evolution of the universe. It understands paradox and flow and interconnectedness in a way our linear minds simply cannot.

And because we are inherently creative beings, we are constantly creating - our future is not fixed. Step-by-step guidance reflects and respects this truth. Our own creative impulses trigger the guidance we need in that moment...and then the next, and the next. There is no set plan, just a continual unfolding. As we learn to trust this more and more - to trust in Life itself, as Steve suggests - we can follow the dots into our deeply fulfilling, heart-centered future.

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noice of others' opinions down out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."

Again he eloquently emphasizes the absolute necessity of listening to your own inner voice, your heart and intuition. They're connected to your soul's true longings, and they do indeed know what you want to become. He also uses the word courage, which most of us on this journey find very appropriate! It can feel daunting to say "no" to the many rules, beliefs and expectations of our families and communities and culture - not to mention how difficult it is to say "no" to the naggingly persistent voice of fear and doubt within our own minds.

We literally have to learn how to think differently, how to think from that deep inner well of wisdom and creativity. We have to learn how to navigate through fear and doubt. And - this is essential - we have to learn how to cultivate a strong, resilient foundation of self-love as we commit to this journey. In the absence of that love, none of this makes sense.

Most of us need a little support and, yes, training as we shift from "having a job" to "living a life." And providing that support is my greatest passion! I know I might sound like a broken record, but hey - some messages simply bear repeating, if only because it can be so difficult to grasp their full impact the first - or fiftieth! - time around. And here's the message, in the words of someone else who has inspired me on my own path, Tama Kieves:

"You can do this. You must do this! You don't want to miss this life!"

- from her bestselling book, This Time I Dance! Creating the Work You Love

Join me this Saturday, October 15th, for my from-the-heart workshop on Creating Work You Love: Growing Into Your Dreams. For only $40 and 3 hours of your time, you could put your life on a whole new trajectory. Email jill@mysolidground.com for information and to register.

Don't wait. Now is the perfect time.

You don't want to miss this life.

Maybe Having a Little Egg On Your Face Isn't All Bad

I want to talk about the phenomenon known, rather comically yet inexplicably, as “having egg on your face.” (Where did that come from? Why egg, particularly? Isn’t having spinach in the teeth even worse? No matter…it’s just a visual way to represent a feeling of embarrassment. And in particular, for this post, feeling embarrassed about changing your mind.) It’s an unappealing image, to be sure, which is why we try hard to avoid it. But like so many things we seek to avoid, our fear of it is usually far more crippling than the actual experience.


I’m sitting with a little egg on my face right now. And I’m daring to write a blog post even so.

Here’s what it’s all about. Depending on how frequently you read my newsletters, you may recall that, in late August and early September, I began enthusiastically promoting a new class on how to heal our relationship with money and open to greater abundance. It was going to start in October of this year, which would be…right about now.

It won’t be starting in October.

And you may also remember, if you’ve been on my mailing list for a while, that earlier this year I told you with great excitement about a program I’d be participating in that would qualify me as a certified “Calling In The One” coach, and I’d be enrolling clients in this new coaching program in the fall.

That’s not happening, either. I cancelled my registration in the training class and got my money back.

I wasn’t going to call these turnarounds to your attention. After all, why wave the flag of my fickle-mindedness right in your face? Chances are you didn’t even see those notices or, if you did, you promptly forgot them. Not that I’m thrilled with the idea of my newsletters and classes being so easily forgotten…but somehow that thought seemed preferable to the one that kept nudging me to ‘fess up and tell you the whole story.

It’s a short story, really. And here it is: I started moving forward with both of those plans, and then I changed my mind.

And here’s the rest of the story: changing my mind was liberating! In both cases the choice to pause, reconsider and then take a different direction ushered in a fresh wave of creative energy. I became acutely aware of how I had depleted myself with a stultifying commitment to “make something happen” just because I’d said I would, even though my inner voice was calling me to slow down and reconsider.

Of course, it would have been easier to change my mind if I hadn’t made public my original commitments. After all, I’d made the commitments not only to myself, but to you. I had a responsibility to follow through! Or so my smaller self would have me believe. But my Larger Self has a different view on things like commitment and responsibility. She helped me remember that my primary responsibility is to the truth as I see it and know it in each moment. And my commitment to you is one of openness, honesty and authenticity.

She also reminded me to lighten up. Clearly the world hasn’t come to an end because I’ve changed my mind. Even my own world is still going! Not to mention the fact that changing my mind has given me some juicy material for a new blog post.

So here’s the juice: it’s okay to change your mind. Really, really okay.

But let me very clear that when I say it’s okay to change your mind, I’m not saying it’s okay to whittle yourself down to a nubbin with constant second-guessing, with relentless back-and-forthing that prevents you from making any decision. It’s not about changing your mind a million times before you finally give up in exhaustion and then just take the path of least resistance. (Or sit in paralysis, not taking any path at all.)

It’s actually – paradoxically – about going ahead and making a decision and then “making it right,” as they say…again and again and again. I know, I appear to be contradicting myself here, don’t I? After all, making a decision and “making it right” seems like the very thing I did that got me in trouble: I made a decision and then stuck to it, only to discover it wasn’t quite right for me.

But let’s look a little closer. You might think that “Make a decision, then make it right” means to make a choice and then put your blinders and ear muffs on so you can’t see or hear anything that might cause you to stray from your choice. You might think it’s all about one-pointed focus and relentless inner cheerleading to keep yourself moving. And sometimes it can mean that.

Yet I’ve rediscovered, as I’ve given myself permission to change my mind about things that are really significant to my work and my business, that the “making it right” piece of that advice is really about making yourself right – or perhaps more bluntly, not making yourself wrong. It’s about not turning a changed mind into an opportunity to beat yourself up.

It’s about making yourself all right with your self, iffy choices and all.

Which is why we need the “again and again and again” piece. Life is an endless series of choices, and we can’t figure them all out in our heads before we take the first step! We have to step, choose, step, choose, pause, choose, turn left, choose, take a nap, choose, choose not to choose, choose, call a friend, choose…

Now of course, we owe it to ourselves to learn how to listen deeply to our inner guidance, so that our choices come more and more often from the place within us that always has our best interests at heart. That is the essence of good choice-making, but it’s a subject for another time. Still, let me emphasize one thing right here about listening to inner guidance: we have to keep listening, because this world, and our lives, are fluid and ever-changing. There are a lot of moving parts! Something that is right, right now, may be a little “off” a month from now. Time to listen in and choose again.

That’s why I’m a big fan of setting intentions rather than specific goals. (Not that goals can’t be helpful…another good subject for a future post!) Intentions provide what I call the “resonant frequency” we’re listening for. When I considered whether to change course with the certification program and the money class, I checked in with my intentions to stand in my genuine passion and talent as I serve my clients, and to do work I truly love. Holding those clear intentions helped me recognize that moving forward, in the exact manner and timetable I’d set for myself, would shift me out of alignment with those intentions.

So the choices were, ultimately, clear.

And I continue to listen, to choose and step and pause, then choose again. (Which includes choosing a different timetable for some things. That money class is still in the pipeline!) I’m choosing to choose, or choosing not to choose, in any given moment - and I’m practicing “making that right” each step of the way, which means I’m learning to find what’s good and right in each choice I make, even if the only “right” I can find is that I rediscovered something important for me to take to heart at a deeper level.

I’m reminding myself, as I so often remind clients, that I really can’t make a mistake; no choice is ever final. The universe is endlessly fluid and flowing with countless options. So go ahead – set your intentions, listen to your heart of hearts, then choose. And if your choice starts feeling like it doesn’t really fit…change your mind. Choose again. And congratulate yourself for having the wisdom and courage and humor to do it.

Even if it feels like you’ve got a little egg on your face.

Which Do You Choose: Problems...or Possibilities?

I'd like to ask you a question. Imagine that everything you're working so hard to achieve has been accomplished: your retirement account is fully funded, a regular stream of income covers your ongoing expenses quite nicely, you're booked for the vacation of your dreams - and yes, you've finally lost those five "extra" pounds. Really, pause to close youe eyes and feel into what it might be like to be at peace, relaxed and trusting in the goodness of Life.

Okay, here's the question: Now what? What might the divinely creative aspect of your being feel ready to experience, to share, to create? What song does your soul want to sing?

And here's another question: Were you able to answer those questions?

If you're like many people, your mind may have gone blank - you've never even given yourself permission to consider such an outlandish scenario. Or maybe you got a little twinkle in your eye as you admitted to yourself the dream you have to write a screenplay or take piano lessons or get a patent for that invention you've been tinkering with - but then shut yourself down with admonishments of "impracticality." After all, your retirement account isn't fully funded, your income may not be covering all your expenses, and there isn't a vacation anywhere on your horizon. How could you possibly relax and think about letting your soul sing?

Let's get to the "how" in a minute. First I'd like to make a case for the "why" - why it is essential to let your soul sing, right here and right now. One of the creative principles of this vibrational universe we live in is that energy follows attention. Another way to say that is, what we focus on is what expands in our lives. When we keep focusing on needing to work hard to overcome obstacles, we get more obstacles we need to work hard to overcome. When we keep focusing on not having enough money, we experience ongoing lack. When we keep putting conditions on when and where we can be happy, and see those conditions as being almost impossible to meet, we can never be happy.

Thankfully, this dynamic works in both directions. When we lovingly and consistently shift our attention to what is good, what is loving, what is plentiful and what we're eager to create or experience, we start to feel good and loving and creative. We open ourselves to new levels of inspiration and insight. We get our creative juices flowing. We become happier and, frankly, a lot more fun to be around.

And when we dare to consider what our souls might want to create, we become bigger - bigger than the small, fearful self who keeps tangling us up in worry and analysis. We gain a broader perspective that helps us make sense of who we are and where we're going. We see things in terms of possibility rather than problems. The vibrational pull of our soul's song calls us to expand into our largest, wisest and most loving self. Doesn't that sound a lot better than keeping your nose to the grindstone and hoping you live long enough to have a little fun between retirement - if you ever get there, of course - and death?

Believe it or not, even in this economy, there are people who are living happy, fulfilled lives. Some have a lot more money than you do, some have far less. They're happy because they're choosing happiness, and they've learned how to get out of their own way and let it in. And that's really what it takes: a consciously declared intention, and then a letting-go of everything not in alignment with that intention. It's a process, and it does require your highest-quality attention, but it doesn't have to be "work." (In fact, if it feels like work you're heading back into obstacle-land.)

So where do you start? There are plenty of teachers and resources to help you make this shift - including yours truly! - but let me suggest a few things you can do right now:

• Create a new habit of noticing and appreciating all that is good and right and delightful in your life, even the seemingly trivial things such as getting every light green on your way to work. Really pause to feel how much you appreciate these ever-flowing gifts of goodness.
• When things don't seem to be going your way, take some time to be contemplative and ask, "How might this be serving me at a deeper level? What qualities is it helping me cultivate? Is it calling me to make a desirable change in direction?"
• Practice thinking larger. Just a little. Keep expanding your ideas of what is possible. And have fun with it. Challenge yourself to think of reasons why the larger (or deeper, or more appealing) option could actually work.

Okay, that's enough to get started. (Or to restart, if you were previously on an upward spiral but then allowed yourself to cave into our cultural habits of cycnicism, frustration and resignation.) Let me also suggest a wondeful book called Things Are Going Great In My Absence: How to Let Go and Let the Divine Do the Heavy Lifting, by Lola Jones. (You can order it from her website at www.divineopenings.com). And of course, I'd welcome the opportunity to support you through my classes or private coaching. Email me at see@mysolidgound. to explore what might work best for you.

However you choose to stay supported, just do it. And keep choosing. In the words of best-selling author Tama Kieves, "You can do this. You must do this! You don't want to miss this life."

Me & Irene

The wind is picking up outside as Hurricane Irene whirls her way toward Wilmington, Delware. Right now I feel cozy and safe, having prepared as well as I can for the storm (and still enjoying my fully-functioning electricity). My laundry is on its last cycle of drying, my cats are safe and sleepy, and I just concluded a deeply satisfying session with a wonderful client. In this moment, I am at peace. And staying connected with that inner core of peace is the intention I am holding as the weekend unfolds, even with the apparent likelihood of turbulence on the surface!


This morning I was reminded of the beauty and simplicity of a practice I often give clients, as a means of helping them regain a sense of inner rhythm and harmony with the flow of life. The practice is this: for some period of time (at least several hours but ideally for an entire day), do only what you have the authentic impulse, the energy and the willingness to do. All three must be present. More often than not, clients resist this exercise, fearing that their lazy selves will jump into the driver's seat and, well, stop driving; they're afraid they'll end up doing nothing but eating cheese curls and watching bad reality TV shows.

But when they actually do the exercise with sincerity and curiosity, they find what I've found time and again: that when we give ourselves the space, depth and self-trust to recognize and honor our true rhythm, that rhythm carries us into an almost effortless flow of action and rest, one that recognizes the true needs of the present moment.

This morning I gratefully experienced that effortless flow as I gave myself over to preparations for the storm. I cancelled a meeting that had been scheduled for weeks as my authentic impulse guided me to do, to free up time for taking care of things I would normally do on Sunday that require electricity. Although a disdainful voice tried to convince me I was shirking my responsibilities and that my cancelling would inconvenience the other person - surely if I just pushed harder I could accommodate both the meeting and the storm preparations! - I trusted the authentic impulse instead. And my meeting partner, who is on the west coast and unaffected by the storm, could not have been more gracious about my request to reschedule.

I went about my tasks at a swift yet unhurried pace. Flowing from one thing to the next without analysis or timekeepking, I even caught the "now would be a good time to vaccuum" wave - which, if you knew how much I dislike vaccuuming, you'd appreciate as the small miracle that it was. And when I close the laptop I will rest in the space of an unplanned afternoon. Who knows what new impulse might arise?

Of course by the time you read this I might be exhausted from bailing water out of my basement and really, really frustrated at the great inconvenience this storm has caused. (Or perhaps despairing at the damage and suffering it might have wrought.) But in this moment I am grateful for the peace I feel, because there was a time when I would have worried myself into a pointless frenzy over the weather forecast. And instead, I now hold an intention to be in harmony with this moment, and to deepen my capacity for releasing resistance to what is.

And perhaps I can even look to Irene as a reflection of my own inner power and ability to move forward with focus and force. I'm inspired by Jean Houston's Facebook post today, which she wrote in reference to the opening weekend of her Mystery School (which is in Irene's path):

"The weather and charged atmosphere inspires flights of thought and practices and action that stun and astonish one and all."

May we each listen to the voice within to guide us to safety, and be willing to be astonished by our own inner power.

Is Your Fear Going Up As The Dow Goes Down?

The other day I was on the phone with a client and the subject of our world’s ongoing economic and financial crisis came up. She told me that a friend of hers had called her, in panic, after last Friday’s precipitous plunge in stock prices. The value of her 401-k account had dropped by a substantial amount and she was awash in fear about her future.


I suspect she was not alone.

Fear is a near-constant companion to many people these days. It’s virtually impossible to stay even remotely connected with current events and not feel a sense of frustration, foreboding or out-and-out panic. And yet, as normal a reaction as fear might be, it is remarkably unhelpful.

I’ve written about this before – in fact, it was the financial market collapse in the fall of 2008 that prompted me to pen my first book, “10 Ways to Find Peace Rather Than Panic (When the World Has Gone a Little Crazy.” But I don’t think the message can be repeated too often, since it’s one that is vitally needed and yet so difficult to embrace. And the message I’m talking about is this: fear cannot solve problems, it can only create them. Every time we allow fear to distort our minds and close our hearts, we move further and further away from the fresh insights that can yield solutions to our challenges. And we move further and further away from the peaceful minds that can create a world where fear does not rule.

And let’s be very clear that, at its core, this crisis is fueled by fear and all of its offspring – competition, greed, denial, gross materialism, the objectification and worship of money, making ourselves right and others wrong... the outgrowths of fear are many and varied. They are also deeply entrenched in our consciousness (and, apparently, in our Congress). And no wonder - our entire economic system is, in a real sense, grounded in fear: the fear of “not enough.” The allocation of scarce resources is the very definition of economics, and “scarce” is but a stone’s throw away from “not enough.” And “not enough” is scary.

Of course any given physical resource is ultimately scarce in that there is a finite amount of it currently available. Yet by focusing only on the scarcity of our material or even human resources – and by failing to perceive the great wealth of our intangible resources, and how they can often meet our true needs without resorting to pillaging our planet - we see a finite number of those resources; we see limitation. Limitation breeds fear of not getting or having enough, and so the scramble to get our share, to get more, begins. Yet in this zero-sum reality that we’ve created, more can only be had at someone else’s expense.

And this fear of “not enough” goes far deeper than our economic theories and policies. It lies at the core of our consciousness: we misperceive ourselves to be separate from each other, from nature, from God or Source or however you name the Life Principle. And that fundamental misperception of our separateness gives rise to an existential fear of aloneness and “not enough-ness.” We may not always be aware of that fear, but we’ve been conditioned by it for so long that it profoundly influences our beliefs, thoughts and actions. It shapes the world we live in.

And I think most of us would agree that the world we live in is in a bit of a shambles.

Which brings me back to the basic message that got me started: Fear got us into this mess; it certainly cannot get us out. The much-repeated Einstein quote is particularly clear on this point: We cannot solve a problem at the level of consciousness that created it. We must lift ourselves out of fear and look at ourselves, and our lives, through new eyes.

But how, exactly, are we to do that? First and foremost, I think we start by being willing to see the truth that fear is making our challenges worse, not better. In these uncertain times we have a responsibility to connect with our innate goodness and creativity and clarity of thinking, and that means we have a responsibility to navigate through fear rather than cave into it. And in the absence of being able to wave a magic wand to make the fear go away, I’d like to suggest some things that can help us on that journey. I’m not offering solutions to our economic crisis. I’m offering ways we can each get our heads above the deep waters of fear so we can breathe, see and think more clearly. So we can find solutions together.

But before I do, let me say that the ways I’m suggesting are simple, and I’m writing them with a light hand. That’s part of the method behind my seeming madness: to bring lightness into a subject that is heavy and laden with fear.

But please do not mistake lightness for inconsequentiality. Just as every choice you make to put down the fork if you’re no longer hungry, when you’re holding an intention to eat mindfully, counts – so does every choice you make to connect with love rather than fear. Every choice, small and large, counts. And with that brief reminder – here are my suggestions for navigating through fear without caving into it:

• Breathe. Deeply and often.

• Get on the floor. No, really. When panic or anxiety begins to make its presence known, it creates a real felt-sense of being ungrounded. So get grounded. And breathe while you’re down there.

• Take a look at your fears. Right in the eye. Put pen to paper (or fingertips to keypad) and write down everything you’re afraid might happen. Just start with, “I’m afraid that…” and make a list. It might include things such as, “I’ll never be able to retire.” “I’ll end up on the streets.” “I’ll get sick and won’t be able to afford health insurance.” Get it all down. (You might feel better already, getting them out of your head and onto paper.) Now challenge each and every one. Ask questions about them such as:

o Is this really true?

o Can I know for certain this will happen?

o What else might be true or possible?

o What resources do I have to deal with this uncertainty, tangible and intangible?

o Do I really want to dwell on this thought? Is it serving me in any way?

• Breathe deeply again. Notice that your heart, your creativity, your humor, your friends and family, your intelligence and resilience are far stronger than your fear. Now burn the list of fears.

• Deepen your connection with your own heart of hearts, and with whatever you know as Source or God or the Life Principle. Spend quiet time in nature, contemplating the enormity and magnificence of the Universe and Life’s insistence on living. Think of grass pushing its way through those tiny cracks in the cement. Think of the Berlin wall falling and communism crumbling in the former Soviet Union. Think of stars and babies being born, day in and day out. Think of your cat purring in your lap.

• Smile.

• Call people you love. Get together with like-minded others and brainstorm – no, heartstorm – possible ways to deal with the challenges you are facing.

• Breathe. Deeply and often.

I realized as I began writing this list that it could go on and on and on; I’ve barely scratched the surface. And that’s a very good thing. Just remembering things I’ve done that have helped me shift from fear to love made me feel lighter with each keystroke. I hope reading them has had the same effect on you. And I hope you’re inspired to create your own list of ways to navigate fear – and that you actually do them. Remember, fear cannot solve problems, it can only create them.

Let me close with a quote from Julia Cameron which, itself, has helped me during times of great fear. You might want to add it to your list:

“There is no circumstance immune to the power of love.”

Could Staying in a Job You Hate Be Your Path to Freedom?

Years ago a country song came out with the title, “Take This Job and Shove It!” It seemed to get a lot of airtime – no doubt because many people held a secret fantasy of saying that very thing to their bosses and then walking triumphantly out of the workplace and into their new, wide-open life. A life of freedom. Ah, wouldn’t that feel good?

So it would seem. And in fact, it might actually feel good for a while. Yet if true peace of mind and a sense of freedom are what we want, walking rebelliously away from an undesirable work situation probably won’t give us access to that. And not just because we may have burned a bridge or two by speaking rudely and failing to give proper notice. I’m not talking about the need to extend professional courtesy so that people will still like us enough to refrain from passing along bad references. I’m talking about reclaiming a deep inner sense of our freedom to choose.

Now that’s freedom.

You might be thinking something along the lines of, “But that’s what the guy in the song did – he chose to leave that crummy old job!” And yes, on the surface he did execute his right to choose: he chose to leave. He physically walked out the door. But as the saying goes, “Wherever you go, there you are.” You can change physical location without changing your internal experience of life and “how the world works.” If you walk away from something still harboring resentment toward it for making you miserable, you’re taking that resentment with you. Not to mention the tendency toward resentment, period.

Which isn’t exactly freeing.

A long time ago I heard the phrase, “You can’t really leave something until you love it.” It was just illogical and jarring enough to get my attention. Even though it didn’t make sense to my analytical mind, it somehow made sense to a deeper part of me that recognized it as true without fully understanding it. Since then I’ve had plenty of opportunity to explore it in depth. (And I expect I’ll have plenty more). Here is the crib notes version of what I’ve learned:

The “love” referred to in the phrase isn’t the gooey, sentimental love we associate with, say, Valentine’s Day. Nor is it the protective love a mother feels for her child. It isn’t even the kind regard we may have for a favorite teacher, or the preference we have for milk chocolate rather than dark chocolate. The love spoken of us here is, in a word, acceptance. You cannot leave something until you accept it. (And by the way, you don’t have to like it. You just need to release your attachment to not liking it.)

I like to think of this in terms of energy. Consider the energy of blame, judgment and resentment. Pause and really contemplate how they feel in your body and in your mind. It doesn’t take long to recognize that the energy of judgment and blame is constrictive; it literally tenses us up and closes us down, preventing a full flow of energy in and through our body-mind system. This is the opposite of free. When we are holding judgment we are holding ourselves apart from the creative life force that opens us to the solutions and experiences we are seeking. Which I’ve learned not only from my training and education, but from personal experience.

I remember when I was in the corporate world, I often felt resentment toward the senior executives for making what I felt were truly dreadful decisions. From my perspective they were myopically focused on the bottom line, and the share price, to the detriment of virtually every constituent in the business. I could probably convince you that my point of view was valid; I could offer evidence of their greed and short-sightedness and preoccupation with their annual bonuses. My ego would delight in convincing you of my rightness, and together we could rail against the gross distortions that a relentless pursuit of profit has, not only on our economy, but on our planet’s very ability to sustain life. I certainly wouldn’t be the first to make that point.

But here’s the point I want to make now: railing against something doesn’t actually change it. It only changes us, making us bitter and angry and resigned. In my own experience, it wasn’t until I stopped criticizing senior management and started realizing that this is how things are, that my attention was freed to look more deeply into myself. Instead of thinking, “It shouldn’t be this way!” I could ask, “Given that things are this way right now, what is mine to do?”

In looking inward rather than outward, I rediscovered a deep desire to heal and to teach. And while I tinkered with the idea of bringing healing, in some form, to corporate America, I ultimately chose to honor my heartfelt desire to work directly with women who were struggling, as I had struggled, to find my authentic path. Another person, after giving herself permission to take a time-out from complaining and seek a deeper truth, might discover a real passion for transforming the world of work. Rather than leaving, as I did, she may find a renewed commitment to staying for the purpose of leading real, positive change.

By pausing to step back from our judgments and complaints, we create space. We open ourselves to fresh insights and deeper truths. I’m not saying that what we’re observing, which gives rise to our resentment, isn’t true at a certain level; it’s just that dwelling in resentment itself prevents us from seeing the whole of the situation, our part in it – and our path forward. Acceptance is the only way to access that path.

So where does that leave you, if you dread getting out of bed each morning and count the minutes until Friday at 5:00 p.m.? Am I suggesting that you find a way to like where you are and get over yourself, already? Not at all. But I am suggesting that, before you leave as an act of desperation or revenge – or perhaps even worse, before you resign yourself to a lifeless career devoid of soul nourishment – stop. Take a nice, deep breath. And another. And another.

Set an intention to reach a place of acceptance (not resignation) with the job as it is right now. Get out a piece of paper and write down everything you hate about it. Let yourself feel what you feel without fanning the flames of criticism and resentment. Allow your emotional reaction to wash over you like the tide. And when it recedes, rewrite what you wrote in the language of neutrality: state what is without excessive value judgments. Here are a few examples:

Original complaint: “My boss is an ego-manic!”

Neutral observation: “My boss consistently makes choices based on how they will further her career, without seeming to consider their impact on others.”

Original complaint: “My boss micro-manages everything and it’s driving me crazy. She doesn’t trust me to do things right.”

Neutral observation: “My boss involves herself in virtually everything I do, giving me detailed instructions. She rarely accepts my ideas for doing things differently.”

Original complaint: “This company treats its employees like children!”

Neutral observation: “This company has policies and procedures for so many things, there is almost no room for creativity.”

I think you get the idea. Do your best to strip away character judgments and assumptions about the other person’s intentions; focus on what you can observe. And yes, your observations may include valid intuitive perceptions about underlying motivations – especially those that don’t align with your values. But suspend any tendency to make other people “wrong” or “bad” for acting in what you consider such a misguided way. Be as truthful as you can; don’t exaggerate the company’s ineptitude or your own angelic qualities.

When you’re finished, pause. Let things settle. Then ask yourself, “Given that this is so, what is mine to do?” Don’t rush to find an immediate answer. Give yourself time to meditate, to contemplate , to journal. Ask yourself, “How has this job served me? What qualities is it helping me cultivate? What is it showing me about myself that I most need to see and understand?” Again, don’t answer these questions the way you would check items off your to-do list. Really go deep within yourself, to your heart of hearts, and listen for the answers.

If you do this with sincerity, something will shift within you. It may not be huge, but it will be an opening into which new life can breathe. And then expand. Keep holding the intention for acceptance, until you can say with peaceful certainty, “Now is the time to leave,” or “I choose to stay here for now.”

And just notice how free you feel inside.

Reworking the "Money Equals Security" Equation

Have you ever opened a bank statement and, observing a diminished balance in your savings account from the previous month, felt a pang of fear? (Or maybe even, depending on how low the balance had become, felt assaulted by a full-on, frontal fear attack?) I suspect it’s fairly common during these tumultuous economic times, and it is a distinctly unpleasant experience. At the risk of stating the obvious, that fear arises because of our belief that money equals security. So when we have less of it, we feel less secure.


I know many people might object to my use of the word belief – money does equal security…doesn’t it? It is a fact, not a belief…isn’t it? From a certain perspective it is indeed true, as anyone who has lived without the basic necessities that money can buy would attest. And yet every true spiritual tradition tells us that nothing in the material world can be secured because all form is impermanent; our security lies not in the forms themselves but in our connection to Source, which feeds our creativity in generating the forms we need to sustain and nourish us. It is in cultivating our innate creative potential that we develop the flexibility, resilience and faith that lay the foundation for a different kind of security.

Helping me to see this clearly was a client I worked with recently whom I’ll call Kathy. After devoting several years to mothering her two children full-time, Kathy courageously and creatively navigated an emotionally trying divorce and the concurrent requirement to re-enter the work force. She had to quickly dust off an outdated resume and find paying work outside the home. And she did just that, taking on with great focus and enthusiasm a sales job which was 100% commission-based. In other words, there was no predictable base salary; she was paid only after she closed sales.

During the early years of her return to the workforce she supplemented her small but growing income by pulling money from a little nest egg she had in a savings account. Finally she reached the point where the income she generated from her job covered her monthly expenses, and the withdrawals from her savings account stopped.

Shortly after her monthly income and expenses reached equilibrium – and long after she had acknowledged a secret dream to find work that would be more deeply fulfilling to her – she discovered a training program she was genuinely excited about that would qualify her for the work she wanted. The fee for the program was several thousand dollars, and she hesitated to enroll because of the cost. As we explored her deep feelings and fears about considering this investment, she shared with me that she really didn’t want to touch her nest egg because leaving it intact gave her a feeling of security.

I completely empathize with the association of a tidy sum in a bank account with a feeling of security. But like so many of us, Kathy was confusing “effect” with “cause.” She thought the nest egg gave her security, when in truth it was her inner security that gave her the nest egg. It was her confidence and focus and creativity that was exchanged in the marketplace for cash, and in continually expanding her talent, skill and productivity she expanded the cash flowing into her life.

Now she had an opportunity to invest in her true self, to expand her capacity for giving and creating from the place within her that most wanted to give and to create, and she hesitated because of a misguided belief that money provides security. She temporarily forgot that money has no inherent worth or power; it has only the power we give it, which means that the power is ours to give.

Kathy’s nest egg, while not being the source of her security, was a reflection of her power and creativity. As a form of energy it held the potential to support her ongoing learning and expansion. Yet that potential could be released only through her conscious choice. Money must be put into circulation to release its value; money sitting in a bank account, or stuffed under a mattress, provides no security if we don’t actually exchange it for what we need.

Admittedly the purity of this concept gets a little muddy when we factor in the element of time. Until we are able to instantaneously manifest our desires from the life-giving field of pure potential, as Jesus did in multiplying the loaves and the fishes, we are wise to save money for future needs rather than putting it all into circulation right now. Yet the choice to save money for our future is just that, a conscious choice we have the power to make. And as our present unfolds into our future, we choose when, and how much, to withdraw from our savings. The power is always within us – the power to choose, to direct our energy in the form of money in accordance with our highest intentions.

This may seem like a trivial point, but I see it as fundamental to the shift in perspective that is needed when we seek to live our dreams. If we view money as a source of security, we subtly disempower ourselves. Security is seen as an object outside of us rather than as an innate aspect of our inner creativity and connection to Source. And as we chase that outer symbol of security, we’re more likely to choose work that pays the most, even if it does not provide an opportunity to develop our true passion and talent; we’re also more likely to hold onto money that we’ve accumulated, as Kathy did, rather than invest it in ways that could enrich us on all levels.

So if, like so many of us, you believe that money equals security, how do you begin to shift that belief? Let me be honest – that isn’t the kind of shift that generally happens overnight. Yet the earnest effort to reach for the deeper truth about the nature of security can open us to fresh insights and a greater sense of creative freedom. Here are a few steps you can take right now:

• Be willing to see “money equals security” as a belief, and to consider the possibility that it might confusing or constraining you as you seek to live your dreams.

• In your journal or on a notepad, write “What is the real source of my security?” at the top of a page. Put the pen down, close your eyes and quiet your mind. Consciously let go of any preconceived notions of what the answer might be. Invite Source to fill you with clarity and insight. When you feel at peace, open your eyes, pick up the pen and start writing. See what shows up.

• For the next week pay attention whenever you interact with money in any way – when you purchase something, when you check online to see if your paycheck has been deposited into your checking account, when you open your 401-k statement. Notice what you’re thinking and how you feel. Take notes about what you observe at the end of each day. Then at the end of the week pull out your journal and answer the following questions:

o How would I characterize my current relationship with money?

o Am I earning and spending it in alignment with my highest intentions?

o What change(s) might I make to bring me into greater alignment with my highest intentions?

• If you don’t have a regular spiritual practice already, contemplate deeply your willingness to commit to one. It is only though an intentional connection with Source, and the deeper wisdom that issues from Source, that our deepest needs can be seen and met.

As I said, this shift in perspective doesn’t happen overnight; it takes conscious choice and effort. As does virtually everything in life that is worthwhile. Imagine how you might feel – and how you might live your life – if your inner peace didn’t fluctuate with your bank or portfolio balance. Imagine the clarity, insight and inspiration that could arise from that deep sense of peace. I say that’s a peace worth cultivating. You might even call it…security.

Can Your Soul Help You Make Good Money?

Imagine this bizarre scenario: you’re called upon to represent your cousin Barb in the salary negotiations for her new job, and naturally she wants to make good money. The negotiations are starting right now. And that’s not all: as improbable as the act of negotiating someone else’s salary with virtually no advance notice might be, what makes this scenario even stranger is that Barb is a distant cousin living halfway across the country. You’ve never met her and you don’t know anything about her. And there’s no time to call her for a crash course in Life As Barb.


Somehow you have to decide what “good money” would be for your cousin and do whatever you can think of to get it for her. You’d likely find yourself vacillating between wanting to nail a really big number – to be sure she earns enough to pay for everything she needs – but also wanting the negotiations to go smoothly, which would be easier if you didn’t ask for too much money. (After all, you don’t even know how good she is at what she does.)

A preposterous challenge, don’t you agree?

And yet, if you’ll allow me a big helping of artistic license, many people experience an eerily similar challenge in their own lives – not because they’re asked to represent a cousin whom they’ve never met in salary negotiations, but because they’re deciding what “good money” means for themselves without consulting the one person who really knows: their own best and highest self - the Wise One within, which I think of as the soul.

The soul knows quite a bit about good money – and about living a deeply fulfilled life. And, quite often, the soul’s direction is 180 degrees away from what we’ve been conditioned to believe. We’ve been taught that “good money” is the amount that maximizes what we can get; the soul knows that “good money” supports us in maximizing what we can give.

From spiritual masters to modern studies on happiness and fulfillment in the workplace, we are told that true happiness arises not from making more money than we’ve ever made before, but from serving others in a meaningful way. We experience fulfillment when we know that our contributions matter. We want, simply and deeply, to make a difference.

And of course we want a good home and clothes we enjoy wearing and maybe a really nice beach vacation every year…I’ll get to that in a moment.

Or maybe I can get to that right now.

Because the really cool, holistic and dare I say elegant thing about putting our souls in charge of our money is that our souls align our “gets” with our “gives.” The soul starts with identifying what we most long to heal, create and share – what we deeply want to give ourselves and the world that moves us toward wholeness and the realization of our highest potential – and then discerns what we need to have in order that we may give fully and generously.

I’m thinking now might be the perfect time for an example.

I read an article recently about a woman who grew up on a lake and cultivated a deep and abiding love of the water. She became a boat captain and started her own business taking people on adventurous, aquatic vacations. Over the years she’s observed a shocking amount of garbage swirling in even the remotest areas of the ocean, and has become a tireless advocate for cleaning up our precious seas. She recently started a nonprofit research and education foundation and routinely observes, measures and reports on the levels of garbage in our water, and also promotes new technologies for getting rid of it.

This woman needs a boat.

I, on the other hand, do not need a boat. At one point in my life, back when I was under the hypnotic spell of relentless messages about the “good life” and all it supposedly included, I might have been convinced that having a boat was a great way to reward myself for all the hard work I was putting into climbing the corporate ladder. (A highly unlikely scenario, I’ll be the first to admit, since I can’t even swim. Still, I can distinctly remember being lulled into thinking that having high-status, expensive things equated to having “made it.” Hence my unfortunate decision to buy a car at the age of 21 whose price equaled the annual salary of my first job out of college. I can assure you I never made that mistake again.) I shudder to think of the gross misallocation of time and energy I might have devoted to making the kind of money I’d need to buy a boat.

Which is exactly the point: putting our souls in charge of our money helps us allocate our time and energy wisely. When we start the “good money” conversation by asking what we most long to heal, to create and to give, we are focused in a way that helps us identify our true needs. Our energy is aligned with our highest intentions rather than scattered among countless alternatives that have no real relationship with who we are and what we’re here to give.

And that doesn’t always mean, by the way, that our true needs can or should be met with less money than our false ones. For many people, coming into right relationship with money means they need more of it in order to support their soul’s needs for healing, creating and giving. The key is to consult the inner Wise One to get the real answers.

And that, truthfully, is easier said than done, with the countless voices in our heads giving us all kinds of mixed advice and confusing us with both crippling doubt and ungrounded wishful thinking. It can seem easier just to play by the rules and aim for getting the most money we can as fast as we can, then figure out what to do with it as we go along. The problem with that is it reinforces the false notion that our happiness arises from having rather than giving, and so we increase the likelihood of being unfulfilled.

So where does that leave us? It’s not likely that we can turn around our ingrained habits of earning and spending money overnight, but we can start where we are. Get in the habit of setting aside quiet time for deep inner listening and ask yourself, with sincerity and openness and genuine curiosity, “What is it that I most long to heal, create or share in my life? And what do I need to be supported in that?” Give the exploration plenty of time and space, and feel for a deep sense of “rightness” in the responses. Write them down, and ask the Wise One what step you can take that moves you toward fulfilling those needs. Then take it.

And repeat: keep asking, keep listening, keep stepping forward. I know you’re going to want to figure it all out, already, especially the part about how you’re going to make the money your wise soul has determined you actually need. There are plenty of resources, both inner and outer, to support you in making that happen. But the foundation for that process is holding the intention to put your soul in charge, and to do that you need to actually listen to its voice.

So just start listening.

It's Not About the Money - But It's Not NOT About the Money!

During the tenure of my corporate career, I went from being a young, idealistic girl to a not-so-young and increasingly dismayed woman. Thinking that corporations were in business to provide a service, I was naively shocked to observe, time and again, a relentlessly myopic focus on the bottom line. On making money. And on creating bonus plans that generated payouts for senior executives that could have covered the annual salary of several of the hard-working employees who made it all possible.


It became increasingly, overwhelmingly clear to me that when “making money” becomes the objective, huge distortions are introduced in the process of creating and selling something in the marketplace. Prices are raised disproportionately to value, costs are cut without full consideration of the impact of those choices on employees, the community and the environment, and the focus narrows to a short-term, quarter-to-quarter view that disregards the natural continuum from present to future.

As I wrote in an impassioned letter to the CFO, imploring him to talk some sense into the senior executives, all I could see was a relentless transfer of wealth from the many to the few. It was difficult not to become a little cynical. (Okay, I actually did become a little cynical. Maybe more than a little. And that’s how I knew something had to shift in me, and in my life. But that’s another story.)

Life is not about making money. Life is about life, about living fully into our potential in joyful service to the Whole. And yet in the life we have created, money serves an immensely useful purpose as a medium of exchange. I am forever grateful that I do not have to find farmers and seamstresses who are in need of coaching services so I can barter with them for food and clothing. Whew!

Yet I remain wary of not letting a misplaced desire for money distort my authentic intention to serve others through my work. And this lingering distaste for chasing money and materialism that many of us share can, itself, create distortions. It can distort our healthy appreciation for money. It’s easy to “get” that life isn’t about making money – but it’s harder to grasp how to come into right relationship with this undeniably valuable tool for graceful living.

I know many good-hearted, well-intentioned people – people who are centered in a genuine desire to create valuable products and services that help others – who cling so fervently to “It’s not about the money!” that they’ve forgotten how to allow money into their lives. Having seen, as I did, that putting money first almost always means putting what really matters last, they vow to do it differently. So they decide to turn things around and put money last.

Which almost always means they don’t have enough of it.

It’s common, when observing something that doesn’t work, to assume that its opposite must be the solution. But putting money last isn’t the solution to freeing ourselves from the tyranny of chasing it. In an odd way, it simply creates a different kind of tyranny. Whether we chase money or avoid it, the very charge we have around it reflects what I call an “unholy alliance” between money and power. We keep giving money the power to prioritize our choices, whether we regard it as good or evil. And relating to money as the source of our power is never a healthy choice.

So we need to find a new way of relating to money. Which is a bit more than I can cover in a single blog post! But I’ll continue to share my thoughts about it in future posts. Those of you who know me, know that helping people shift their relationship with money is an integral part of the teaching and coaching work I do. I won’t leave you hanging!

And in the meantime, I’d love to hear from you. How would you characterize your relationship with money? Is it healthy? Dysfunctional? Missing in action altogether? Whatever it is, you are not alone. Let’s heal it together.

Embracing Your Inner Procrastinator

A few weeks ago I led a workshop with the same title as this blog post. (I must admit it was a classic example of teaching what we most need to learn.) I’ve had an uneasy relationship with procrastination for years, and decided a while back that it needed a little TLC and probably a fresh insight or two. So I set an intention to learn more about procrastination and practice healthier ways of relating to it.


And I’m pleased to tell you that I’ve made tremendous progress! (Although I’m still working out some kinks, as you might guess from the length of time that has passed since my last blog update…)

In this post I want to share with you a little of what I’ve learned that has helped me – and my clients – the most. If you’ve ever struggled with procrastination, and the damning self-judgment that almost always accompanies it, a small but profound change in perspective could make all the difference for you. And I sincerely hope it does. So…here goes!

First I want to emphasize the need to use both tenderness and humor as you explore why you put things off. Procrastination is not a character flaw! It is a signal to get curious, to treat yourself with great respect and compassion, and to experiment with new ways of thinking and acting. It is not an invitation to judge yourself as severely lacking in some critical ingredient for success.

I know how easy it is to feel immensely frustrated with a tendency to procrastinate, and that frustration quickly morphs into self-judgment. But the simple truth is, self-judgment doesn’t work. Often our inner procrastinator is a bit of a rebel, and we can’t heal rebellion by heaping more judgment on it – judgment only increases the tendency to rebel. So I hereby request that you firmly set aside any judgment about procrastination. Just do it.

Now let’s start with the basics. Procrastination is generally either fear-based resistance…or love-based inner guidance. (Don’t you feel better already, just knowing that love could be in the mix?) And here’s the really good news: sometimes procrastination isn’t procrastination at all! It is simply the rhythm of our creative process, the ebb and flow of how we get things done.

So the first question to ask yourself is: am I really procrastinating? Or am I ultimately getting done what I want to get done, in its own perfect time? Imagine nothing else changing about how you do things except your inner monologue about how lazy you are and how you should be doing them sooner or faster. Can you imagine how free you would feel without that haranguing hawk of a judge inside you? You would feel wonderful.

Step back and take the long view. See if this thing you’re calling procrastination could be the incubation period of your creative process. See how the apparent delays may actually be serving your artistic need for exploration, rumination and fertilization. (Or much-needed rest.) See if you’re actually getting done what you want to get done, even if the timetable is a bit different than your inner control freak might dictate. Be willing to see it this way, and then see how you feel.

Of course, sometimes we really are putting things off that we think need to be done; we’re not creating, we’re avoiding. But before jumping back onto the self-judgment bandwagon, consider the possibility that dragging your feet is a form of inner guidance. Maybe this thing you’re avoiding doesn’t really need to get done, or maybe it doesn’t need to get done right how.

So the next question to ask yourself is: Am I avoiding something I truly want to do or have done, or something I think I should want? Is this really mine to do? I could give you several really juicy examples of people who have dared to ask themselves this question, and realized their so-called procrastination was really a form of inner guidance helping them stay on track with their true priorities. But in the interest of keeping this post from expanding into a novella, I won’t. Still, I hope you will ask this question seriously of yourself. You might be surprised at what you discover.

Okay, now let’s dive into the deep end of what most of us mean when we say we procrastinate: we’re putting off something we really do want to do or have done. Something that is truly ours to do. Yet we resist doing it…and then we berate ourselves for that.

This is where the tenderness comes in, because that kind of procrastination isn’t helpful guidance. It’s fear masquerading as resistance and justification (e.g., “I don’t feel like it right now…” or “I really don’t have the time…”). And if we can recognize the fear, we can bring compassion rather than judgment to the process. We can talk and coax ourselves into a more supportive mindset, as we might a frightened child (the part of us who is generally running the show at times like these). We can nudge ourselves lovingly into a little forward motion.

So when we’re avoiding doing what we truly want to do, we start by quietly asking: Why am I procrastinating? If I set aside all justifications and judgments, what am I afraid of? What am I afraid I’ll discover about myself?

(Quick tip: if your first answer is “Because I’m lazy” – or something equally damning - remember that’s a judgment and not at all helpful.)

Look firmly and gently for the specific fear underneath the resistance.

…”I’m afraid that even if I do it, then…”

…”I’m afraid I’m just no good at it…”

…”I’m afraid I have nothing useful to say…”

Once you’ve named your fear, bring your loving curiosity and a sincere willingness to see things differently to the table. Ask the following questions:

With respect to what I’m afraid of…

…is it really true?

…is it possible it’s not true?

…what else might be true that is even more relevant and helpful?

…what kind of support might I need to move through this?

All of these questions are useful. Sometimes just taking the time to ask what we’re afraid of, to write down our honest answer and then ask, “Is this really true?” is enough to dissolve the fear. We see clearly, once it’s stated in plain English, that what we believe to be true is only a childish fear. It is not true. And we can let it go.

Other times it’s not so easy dissolve a fear, and those times are when the question about what else might be true is particularly powerful. It calls us to reach for a deeper truth, one that is more empowering and kind.

For example, I may keep putting off writing because I’m afraid I’m just not that good at it, so why bother? Actually, I’m not just afraid I may not be good at it, I’m convinced that I’m not; but if I get quiet and ask myself what else might be true, I discover that I’m willing to get good at it, and that mastery doesn’t happen overnight. I remember that I have the passion and the willingness to keep practicing. And I remember that “being good at it” is highly subjective, and compared to how I was just a few short years ago, I’m pretty darned good. And resting in those deeper truths, I find my willingness to practice again.

It’s also a good idea to create a powerful affirmation of your deeper truth, one that is clear and inspiring. Mine could be, “I have what it takes to be a good writer!” or “My passion and willingness to practice writing are taking me where I want to go.” And once you’ve created your power statement, call on it repeatedly when that old familiar resistance shows up. Just take a deep breath, place a loving arm across the shoulders of your frightened inner child, and remind her of what is really true.

Uncovering your specific fears and creating powerful statements of deeper truth is one simple and effective way to support yourself in this process. Other ways include…

…Writing about why you want what you want, to get deeply connected to the satisfaction or fulfillment you long for, which is inherently motivating.

…Taking the tiniest, babiest steps you can think of – and celebrating each one as the victory that it is.

…Enlisting the support of a partner or coach.

There are undoubtedly countless other ways to stay supported and inspired. The important point is to recognize that you are deserving of that support, and to actively create it. And don’t forget, there is simply no room for judgment in this healing process. As my coach once said to me, in the words that have helped me time and time again, “You’re just going to have to love yourself through this.”

So love yourself through it. And take all the time you need.

Please be sure to visit my website for information on classes, workshops and private coaching.

Tell The Truth About Your Life

I've had more than a few conversations recently about the wild swings and ongoing uncertainty in our economy. Even as many of us are feeling a new surge of grounded optimism, we can't help but notice the chaos and ugliness in the world around us. Should we be happy or worried? Should we take new risks or hunker down and hope the ill winds don't blow in our direction? Should we upgrade our crumbling kitchen or sell the house and move to the Cayman Islands? Should we trust our accountant or our inner voice?

Helping clients grapple with questions like these is what prompted me to write my first book in 2009, so I decided to share a chapter from it in this blog post, just to give you a little taste. The title of the book is 10 Ways To Find Peace Rather Than Panic (When The World Has Gone A Little Crazy), and I invite you to visit my website to learn more (http://www.mysolidground.com/) or use the above link to go to Amazon.com and see all the wonderful reviews! I'm honored by the positive feedback I've received about the book so far, and would be delighted for you to check it out, if you haven't already.

And by the way, although the economic downturn was my catalyst for writing the guide, it is intended to be a loving support during any period of uncertainty or transition in your life. So whether you're feeling a little wobbly because of the economy, or sensing a longing and readiness to create a bigger life, this book can help. I wrote it and offer it from my heart, and hope you will receive it with yours.

And now without further ado, here is Chapter 4 from 10 Ways To Find Peace Rather Than Panic (When The World Has Gone A Little Crazy). Enjoy!

Tell The Truth About Your Life

When everything is working according to plan, we fall into the mindset, patterns and routines that keep the plan in place. We go about our lives, executing tasks and checking things off our to-do lists. We get things done and keep going, without question, because there is a certain sense of security in knowing what to do, how to do it and when to do it. But when these patterns and plans begin to crumble, we recognize that what we thought was security was only predictability – a numbing sameness that seduced us through mere repetition. It felt like something we could count on. Until, suddenly, we couldn’t.


Now is the perfect time to pause – since you don’t know what to do, anyway – and look with fresh eyes at the life you’ve been living. What’s really working here? What isn’t? How are you feeling? What are you tired of? What do you need? What is your soul longing to be, do, create or experience? What are you, finally, ready to acknowledge? What kind of life do you want to live?

These are the unanswered questions that await you in the void, and it’s only when you let go of knowing how your life is supposed to go that you can begin to see how your life wants to go. Since you’re just floating about anyway, why not take advantage of this freed-up perspective to look at your life with loving curiosity? What might you be ready to release or stop doing? What is itching to emerge? Who have you become, and who do you want to be?

Keep asking, and be willing to answer truthfully. There is no need to posture, defend or justify. Just tell it like it is, with as much compassion, humor and perspective as you can muster. Maybe now is the time to admit, finally, that you’re in the wrong job, and all the energy you’ve poured into convincing yourself otherwise has depleted you. (You might even be secretly hoping to get laid off.) Or maybe you can finally see that you’re in the perfect job, even though it’s not as glamorous as the one you thought you should have, and it needs more of your focused energy and attention than you’ve been giving it. Maybe now you’re ready to take that course you’ve wanted to take for so long. Maybe now is the time to look at those credit card statements and see if all that stuff you bought is really making you happy. Maybe now is the time to tell the truth – the whole truth – about your life.

This isn’t easy to do. You might twist and squirm a little, trying to avoid naming your truth. You might even feel like a failure or sell-out for having ignored it all this time, and so you keep trying to pretend that maybe it isn’t really your truth, after all. Maybe this lifeless path is as good as it gets, and your task is to stay the course and talk loudly so you can’t hear the distracting murmurings of your soul.

But here is the beauty of this chaotic time: as the path you’ve been walking literally dissolves beneath your feet, you’re given a sort of “life amnesty,” an opportunity to come clean with yourself. There is no penalty for admitting that you’ve been heading in the wrong direction. You got a little lost, that’s all, and now you’re ready and willing to find your way back home. You’re ready to acknowledge your truth and let it light your way, step by step.

excerpted from 10 Ways To Find Peace Rather Than Panic (copyright 2009, Suzanne E. Eder)

Let's Not Be Selfish

The scene is a familiar one. I’m sitting across from a client as we explore possibilities for getting her dreams out into the world. She tells me, hesitantly and almost dismissively, about an experience or two she had, times when she dared to share her talent and genius with someone else. And the “someone else” was blown away, deeply moved or inspired or in some way helped by my client’s brilliance. But before I can jump into the story with her and ask her to tell me more, to share with me how it felt, to consider where that kind of energy might lead, she stops cold.


And she says something along the lines of, “But that was so long ago.” Or, “I think that was beginner’s luck.” Or, “I just don’t have what it takes to really build something with that.” Or the ever-popular, “But that won’t make me any money.”

Instant possibility-killers.

And that’s not the worst of it. What I’ve come to appreciate, more deeply than ever before, is that our habitual tendency to dismiss our talent - and our longings to share it with others – is just plain selfish. And I don’t mean the “good” kind of selfish that arises from love and reflects a healthy desire to nourish ourselves. I mean the petty, whiny, self-indulgent kind of selfish that arises from fear and reflects the inner admonition to keep ourselves small.

When we hold our talent in, we withhold it from the world. We deprive others of the wisdom and inspiration and beauty and playfulness and knowledge and support and fantasy and warmth and dazzling insights that we have to share, if only we would. And without those things, the world is a dimmer place. It lacks a certain vibrancy. It is in a fundamental sense incomplete, as the very contributions needed from us to make it whole are missing.

And all because we’ve decided we’re somehow not good enough. We think we’re sparing the world our ineptness, when in fact we’re depriving it of our greatness. And we’re depriving ourselves of the immense joy and generosity and aliveness we could feel if we celebrated and surrendered to our innate creative genius.

That’s a lot to deprive ourselves of. That’s a lot to deprive the world of. And that’s why I call it selfish.

I’m not trying to play the guilt card here. But sometimes we need a little shake to wake us up to a deeper truth. And the deeper truth here is that what we most long to create or give is what the world most needs from us. It’s an elegantly designed system that can function beautifully if we all do our part. And our part is to recognize, honor and empower our deepest longings and talents.

I know, I know, you may not know where or how to begin. You may be living such a crazy-busy life that cultivating a talent or two seems overwhelming. You may have convinced yourself that you really can’t make any money at what you love so why bother? I’m telling you, firmly and clearly, to set all of that aside. None of it matters. What matters is that you are fully alive and that you are giving the best of what you have to give to yourself and others.

Here are a couple of things I’ve learned that may help you get started - or stay committed – to living your dreams:

• Joy and passion are their own reasons for being. They do not need to be justified or to create specific results in order to “count.” Every moment you open to the life force of creative energy within you is a moment that counts. Every time you open the laptop and write, or pull out the sketchpad and doodle, or take your children on an adventure that delighted you to plan, or sing out loud because you feel so alive when you sing, or teach a friend how to play bridge, or practice with love and dedication that new piano arrangement you want to learn – every time you immerse yourself in your most cherished talents and longings is a moment fulfilled. Give yourself more of them.

• The real treasure in committing to honoring your dreams is in who you become. You grow into a person of immense courage and integrity and generosity, a person who loves life and loves herself and illuminates for the world what a love-filled life is like. You grow into someone you respect, and someone other people want to be around. You grow into who you were meant to be.

• Don’t make it about money, at least not right away. I’m a huge proponent of challenging our beliefs about what has value and what can be exchanged for money in the marketplace, but if we demand too soon of our talent that it covers all the bills, we strangle that very talent with our rigid expectations and subterranean fears of not having enough. Create space in your life to nurture your talent and let it build its own momentum and direction. Practice appreciating your talent and your self each step of the way, for it is only through loving appreciation that our talent can grow and flourish. And when the time is right to offer our creations and services in the marketplace, we’ll be fortified with the inner certainty that what we’re offering has value.

Okay, I think that's enough for now. Are you with me? I hope so…I love good company! And even if you have to take it on faith, know that you really can do this. Actually, only you can do this…this, that you most want to do. Decide that who you are and what you have to give really matters. (Because it does.) Dare to make your dreams a priority in your life, right now. Lavish your talents with dedication and appreciation. Relish them and look for opportunities to share them with others. Please, do it.

Because to do anything less is just plain selfish.

Putting Our Souls in Charge of Our Commitments

I had the pleasure last weekend of meeting a local author whose book, The Practicing Mind, is one of the top sellers on Amazon.com. Tom Sterner was the featured speaker at a local spiritual center where I was promoting an upcoming workshop. I loved his talk and so hurried to buy his book after the service.


Having just finished reading it, I feel confident in recommending The Practicing Mind as a powerful manifesto for developing focus and discipline as a path to inner peace. Tom’s writing is clear and thoughtful and his guidance is eminently practical. As synchronicity would have it, the timing of the book showing up in my life is quite perfect, as I’ve committed to increasing my own levels of focus and discipline this year in the areas that really matter to me.

And I got another surprising benefit from Tom’s book – the impulse to write this blog post, inspired by a story he shares in an early chapter. He tells us about the decision he made at a certain point in his life to take up golf. He chose to honor and support this newfound commitment with golf lessons, which he approached with great dedication. It was immediately clear that the students in the class who practiced regularly made significantly more progress than those who did not.

One of the students whose skill did not progress was a woman who had signed up for golf lessons because she was in the corporate world and felt that playing a decent game of golf would further her career; she would be able to participate in the strategic planning conversations and spontaneous brainstorming meetings that arose regularly on the golf course. Now let me be clear about the fact that I have no idea who this woman was, or anything at all about her inner life. But Tom’s description of her reminded me of many people I’d met in my own corporate career who pursued golf for just that reason. And I remembered the pressure I’d felt to do the same.

While Tom made the valid point that committed practice would have yielded better results for her (and the also valid point that most of us don’t really know how to approach practice as anything other than a chore, thereby depriving ourselves of an opportunity to surrender to the process and the moment), I saw something else in the story. I was reminded of how essential it is to choose our commitments based on what we are truly called to do – not because we’ll possibly advance our career, but because the very doing of it expresses, in some fundamental way, who we are.

I’ve seen time and again that what creates true fulfillment in life is what we create, give and experience that arises from our strengths and passions. We naturally serve others in bringing forth the brilliance within us. But so often we make commitments based on what we think we should do to get ahead, leaving our deeply held longings in the dust of our hurried race to the future.

I can remember thinking years ago, with heavy resignation, that I should learn to play golf. Everyone who was at the highest levels of the company played golf; it seemed to be a requirement for making it to the top. Yet golf had no inherent appeal to me, and the one time I tried it I was miserable. I’m sure if I was skilled at it – a skill requiring committed practice – I would have enjoyed it more. But without the inner desire to experience myself as a golfer, I had no willingness at all to practice. None. I could have tried forcing myself to just do it, but I did not.

Thank God. Because that would have been a complete waste of my talents and skills and natural desire to help others through my teaching and writing. Learning to play golf in a misguided attempt to further my career would have been a choice arising from my ego’s need to fit in and prove that I was a team player worthy of greater titles and benefits. It would have been false, soul-denying and inherently depleting. I might have become an adequate golfer, but I wouldn’t have become who I am deeply called to be.

I agree wholeheartedly with Tom that a devotion to practice is essential for living a rich and fulfilled life, whether we’re practicing golf or meditation or writing or changing how we think about things. But we need to choose what we’re practicing wisely. And that’s why learning to recognize the inner voice of our soul is so important, because the soul’s longings point us unfailingly toward our highest potential and deepest satisfaction. That’s their purpose. Our authentic longings are deep and penetrating. They’re an ever-renewing energy source that powers our ongoing devotion to practicing whatever we need to practice to become our highest and best selves.

My soul's longings to teach and write and discover the deepeset truth of who I am keep me focused in a way that merely deciding to do something does not. They are patient and yet lovingly relentless, reminding me again and again to reorder my priorities to align with them. And when I do, I experience myself as clear and powerful and worthy. Life becomes lighter and yet more purposeful at the same time. Our longings are the gateway to our genius, calling us to try, to explore, to cultivate, to practice. And practice becomes the path of inevitable growth and expansion into the person we wish to become.

So let’s dare to put our souls in charge of our commitments. And then let’s really commit, full out, with the loving devotion our souls dearly deserve.