Maybe Having a Little Egg On Your Face Isn't All Bad

I want to talk about the phenomenon known, rather comically yet inexplicably, as “having egg on your face.” (Where did that come from? Why egg, particularly? Isn’t having spinach in the teeth even worse? No matter…it’s just a visual way to represent a feeling of embarrassment. And in particular, for this post, feeling embarrassed about changing your mind.) It’s an unappealing image, to be sure, which is why we try hard to avoid it. But like so many things we seek to avoid, our fear of it is usually far more crippling than the actual experience.


I’m sitting with a little egg on my face right now. And I’m daring to write a blog post even so.

Here’s what it’s all about. Depending on how frequently you read my newsletters, you may recall that, in late August and early September, I began enthusiastically promoting a new class on how to heal our relationship with money and open to greater abundance. It was going to start in October of this year, which would be…right about now.

It won’t be starting in October.

And you may also remember, if you’ve been on my mailing list for a while, that earlier this year I told you with great excitement about a program I’d be participating in that would qualify me as a certified “Calling In The One” coach, and I’d be enrolling clients in this new coaching program in the fall.

That’s not happening, either. I cancelled my registration in the training class and got my money back.

I wasn’t going to call these turnarounds to your attention. After all, why wave the flag of my fickle-mindedness right in your face? Chances are you didn’t even see those notices or, if you did, you promptly forgot them. Not that I’m thrilled with the idea of my newsletters and classes being so easily forgotten…but somehow that thought seemed preferable to the one that kept nudging me to ‘fess up and tell you the whole story.

It’s a short story, really. And here it is: I started moving forward with both of those plans, and then I changed my mind.

And here’s the rest of the story: changing my mind was liberating! In both cases the choice to pause, reconsider and then take a different direction ushered in a fresh wave of creative energy. I became acutely aware of how I had depleted myself with a stultifying commitment to “make something happen” just because I’d said I would, even though my inner voice was calling me to slow down and reconsider.

Of course, it would have been easier to change my mind if I hadn’t made public my original commitments. After all, I’d made the commitments not only to myself, but to you. I had a responsibility to follow through! Or so my smaller self would have me believe. But my Larger Self has a different view on things like commitment and responsibility. She helped me remember that my primary responsibility is to the truth as I see it and know it in each moment. And my commitment to you is one of openness, honesty and authenticity.

She also reminded me to lighten up. Clearly the world hasn’t come to an end because I’ve changed my mind. Even my own world is still going! Not to mention the fact that changing my mind has given me some juicy material for a new blog post.

So here’s the juice: it’s okay to change your mind. Really, really okay.

But let me very clear that when I say it’s okay to change your mind, I’m not saying it’s okay to whittle yourself down to a nubbin with constant second-guessing, with relentless back-and-forthing that prevents you from making any decision. It’s not about changing your mind a million times before you finally give up in exhaustion and then just take the path of least resistance. (Or sit in paralysis, not taking any path at all.)

It’s actually – paradoxically – about going ahead and making a decision and then “making it right,” as they say…again and again and again. I know, I appear to be contradicting myself here, don’t I? After all, making a decision and “making it right” seems like the very thing I did that got me in trouble: I made a decision and then stuck to it, only to discover it wasn’t quite right for me.

But let’s look a little closer. You might think that “Make a decision, then make it right” means to make a choice and then put your blinders and ear muffs on so you can’t see or hear anything that might cause you to stray from your choice. You might think it’s all about one-pointed focus and relentless inner cheerleading to keep yourself moving. And sometimes it can mean that.

Yet I’ve rediscovered, as I’ve given myself permission to change my mind about things that are really significant to my work and my business, that the “making it right” piece of that advice is really about making yourself right – or perhaps more bluntly, not making yourself wrong. It’s about not turning a changed mind into an opportunity to beat yourself up.

It’s about making yourself all right with your self, iffy choices and all.

Which is why we need the “again and again and again” piece. Life is an endless series of choices, and we can’t figure them all out in our heads before we take the first step! We have to step, choose, step, choose, pause, choose, turn left, choose, take a nap, choose, choose not to choose, choose, call a friend, choose…

Now of course, we owe it to ourselves to learn how to listen deeply to our inner guidance, so that our choices come more and more often from the place within us that always has our best interests at heart. That is the essence of good choice-making, but it’s a subject for another time. Still, let me emphasize one thing right here about listening to inner guidance: we have to keep listening, because this world, and our lives, are fluid and ever-changing. There are a lot of moving parts! Something that is right, right now, may be a little “off” a month from now. Time to listen in and choose again.

That’s why I’m a big fan of setting intentions rather than specific goals. (Not that goals can’t be helpful…another good subject for a future post!) Intentions provide what I call the “resonant frequency” we’re listening for. When I considered whether to change course with the certification program and the money class, I checked in with my intentions to stand in my genuine passion and talent as I serve my clients, and to do work I truly love. Holding those clear intentions helped me recognize that moving forward, in the exact manner and timetable I’d set for myself, would shift me out of alignment with those intentions.

So the choices were, ultimately, clear.

And I continue to listen, to choose and step and pause, then choose again. (Which includes choosing a different timetable for some things. That money class is still in the pipeline!) I’m choosing to choose, or choosing not to choose, in any given moment - and I’m practicing “making that right” each step of the way, which means I’m learning to find what’s good and right in each choice I make, even if the only “right” I can find is that I rediscovered something important for me to take to heart at a deeper level.

I’m reminding myself, as I so often remind clients, that I really can’t make a mistake; no choice is ever final. The universe is endlessly fluid and flowing with countless options. So go ahead – set your intentions, listen to your heart of hearts, then choose. And if your choice starts feeling like it doesn’t really fit…change your mind. Choose again. And congratulate yourself for having the wisdom and courage and humor to do it.

Even if it feels like you’ve got a little egg on your face.

Which Do You Choose: Problems...or Possibilities?

I'd like to ask you a question. Imagine that everything you're working so hard to achieve has been accomplished: your retirement account is fully funded, a regular stream of income covers your ongoing expenses quite nicely, you're booked for the vacation of your dreams - and yes, you've finally lost those five "extra" pounds. Really, pause to close youe eyes and feel into what it might be like to be at peace, relaxed and trusting in the goodness of Life.

Okay, here's the question: Now what? What might the divinely creative aspect of your being feel ready to experience, to share, to create? What song does your soul want to sing?

And here's another question: Were you able to answer those questions?

If you're like many people, your mind may have gone blank - you've never even given yourself permission to consider such an outlandish scenario. Or maybe you got a little twinkle in your eye as you admitted to yourself the dream you have to write a screenplay or take piano lessons or get a patent for that invention you've been tinkering with - but then shut yourself down with admonishments of "impracticality." After all, your retirement account isn't fully funded, your income may not be covering all your expenses, and there isn't a vacation anywhere on your horizon. How could you possibly relax and think about letting your soul sing?

Let's get to the "how" in a minute. First I'd like to make a case for the "why" - why it is essential to let your soul sing, right here and right now. One of the creative principles of this vibrational universe we live in is that energy follows attention. Another way to say that is, what we focus on is what expands in our lives. When we keep focusing on needing to work hard to overcome obstacles, we get more obstacles we need to work hard to overcome. When we keep focusing on not having enough money, we experience ongoing lack. When we keep putting conditions on when and where we can be happy, and see those conditions as being almost impossible to meet, we can never be happy.

Thankfully, this dynamic works in both directions. When we lovingly and consistently shift our attention to what is good, what is loving, what is plentiful and what we're eager to create or experience, we start to feel good and loving and creative. We open ourselves to new levels of inspiration and insight. We get our creative juices flowing. We become happier and, frankly, a lot more fun to be around.

And when we dare to consider what our souls might want to create, we become bigger - bigger than the small, fearful self who keeps tangling us up in worry and analysis. We gain a broader perspective that helps us make sense of who we are and where we're going. We see things in terms of possibility rather than problems. The vibrational pull of our soul's song calls us to expand into our largest, wisest and most loving self. Doesn't that sound a lot better than keeping your nose to the grindstone and hoping you live long enough to have a little fun between retirement - if you ever get there, of course - and death?

Believe it or not, even in this economy, there are people who are living happy, fulfilled lives. Some have a lot more money than you do, some have far less. They're happy because they're choosing happiness, and they've learned how to get out of their own way and let it in. And that's really what it takes: a consciously declared intention, and then a letting-go of everything not in alignment with that intention. It's a process, and it does require your highest-quality attention, but it doesn't have to be "work." (In fact, if it feels like work you're heading back into obstacle-land.)

So where do you start? There are plenty of teachers and resources to help you make this shift - including yours truly! - but let me suggest a few things you can do right now:

• Create a new habit of noticing and appreciating all that is good and right and delightful in your life, even the seemingly trivial things such as getting every light green on your way to work. Really pause to feel how much you appreciate these ever-flowing gifts of goodness.
• When things don't seem to be going your way, take some time to be contemplative and ask, "How might this be serving me at a deeper level? What qualities is it helping me cultivate? Is it calling me to make a desirable change in direction?"
• Practice thinking larger. Just a little. Keep expanding your ideas of what is possible. And have fun with it. Challenge yourself to think of reasons why the larger (or deeper, or more appealing) option could actually work.

Okay, that's enough to get started. (Or to restart, if you were previously on an upward spiral but then allowed yourself to cave into our cultural habits of cycnicism, frustration and resignation.) Let me also suggest a wondeful book called Things Are Going Great In My Absence: How to Let Go and Let the Divine Do the Heavy Lifting, by Lola Jones. (You can order it from her website at www.divineopenings.com). And of course, I'd welcome the opportunity to support you through my classes or private coaching. Email me at see@mysolidgound. to explore what might work best for you.

However you choose to stay supported, just do it. And keep choosing. In the words of best-selling author Tama Kieves, "You can do this. You must do this! You don't want to miss this life."

Me & Irene

The wind is picking up outside as Hurricane Irene whirls her way toward Wilmington, Delware. Right now I feel cozy and safe, having prepared as well as I can for the storm (and still enjoying my fully-functioning electricity). My laundry is on its last cycle of drying, my cats are safe and sleepy, and I just concluded a deeply satisfying session with a wonderful client. In this moment, I am at peace. And staying connected with that inner core of peace is the intention I am holding as the weekend unfolds, even with the apparent likelihood of turbulence on the surface!


This morning I was reminded of the beauty and simplicity of a practice I often give clients, as a means of helping them regain a sense of inner rhythm and harmony with the flow of life. The practice is this: for some period of time (at least several hours but ideally for an entire day), do only what you have the authentic impulse, the energy and the willingness to do. All three must be present. More often than not, clients resist this exercise, fearing that their lazy selves will jump into the driver's seat and, well, stop driving; they're afraid they'll end up doing nothing but eating cheese curls and watching bad reality TV shows.

But when they actually do the exercise with sincerity and curiosity, they find what I've found time and again: that when we give ourselves the space, depth and self-trust to recognize and honor our true rhythm, that rhythm carries us into an almost effortless flow of action and rest, one that recognizes the true needs of the present moment.

This morning I gratefully experienced that effortless flow as I gave myself over to preparations for the storm. I cancelled a meeting that had been scheduled for weeks as my authentic impulse guided me to do, to free up time for taking care of things I would normally do on Sunday that require electricity. Although a disdainful voice tried to convince me I was shirking my responsibilities and that my cancelling would inconvenience the other person - surely if I just pushed harder I could accommodate both the meeting and the storm preparations! - I trusted the authentic impulse instead. And my meeting partner, who is on the west coast and unaffected by the storm, could not have been more gracious about my request to reschedule.

I went about my tasks at a swift yet unhurried pace. Flowing from one thing to the next without analysis or timekeepking, I even caught the "now would be a good time to vaccuum" wave - which, if you knew how much I dislike vaccuuming, you'd appreciate as the small miracle that it was. And when I close the laptop I will rest in the space of an unplanned afternoon. Who knows what new impulse might arise?

Of course by the time you read this I might be exhausted from bailing water out of my basement and really, really frustrated at the great inconvenience this storm has caused. (Or perhaps despairing at the damage and suffering it might have wrought.) But in this moment I am grateful for the peace I feel, because there was a time when I would have worried myself into a pointless frenzy over the weather forecast. And instead, I now hold an intention to be in harmony with this moment, and to deepen my capacity for releasing resistance to what is.

And perhaps I can even look to Irene as a reflection of my own inner power and ability to move forward with focus and force. I'm inspired by Jean Houston's Facebook post today, which she wrote in reference to the opening weekend of her Mystery School (which is in Irene's path):

"The weather and charged atmosphere inspires flights of thought and practices and action that stun and astonish one and all."

May we each listen to the voice within to guide us to safety, and be willing to be astonished by our own inner power.

Is Your Fear Going Up As The Dow Goes Down?

The other day I was on the phone with a client and the subject of our world’s ongoing economic and financial crisis came up. She told me that a friend of hers had called her, in panic, after last Friday’s precipitous plunge in stock prices. The value of her 401-k account had dropped by a substantial amount and she was awash in fear about her future.


I suspect she was not alone.

Fear is a near-constant companion to many people these days. It’s virtually impossible to stay even remotely connected with current events and not feel a sense of frustration, foreboding or out-and-out panic. And yet, as normal a reaction as fear might be, it is remarkably unhelpful.

I’ve written about this before – in fact, it was the financial market collapse in the fall of 2008 that prompted me to pen my first book, “10 Ways to Find Peace Rather Than Panic (When the World Has Gone a Little Crazy.” But I don’t think the message can be repeated too often, since it’s one that is vitally needed and yet so difficult to embrace. And the message I’m talking about is this: fear cannot solve problems, it can only create them. Every time we allow fear to distort our minds and close our hearts, we move further and further away from the fresh insights that can yield solutions to our challenges. And we move further and further away from the peaceful minds that can create a world where fear does not rule.

And let’s be very clear that, at its core, this crisis is fueled by fear and all of its offspring – competition, greed, denial, gross materialism, the objectification and worship of money, making ourselves right and others wrong... the outgrowths of fear are many and varied. They are also deeply entrenched in our consciousness (and, apparently, in our Congress). And no wonder - our entire economic system is, in a real sense, grounded in fear: the fear of “not enough.” The allocation of scarce resources is the very definition of economics, and “scarce” is but a stone’s throw away from “not enough.” And “not enough” is scary.

Of course any given physical resource is ultimately scarce in that there is a finite amount of it currently available. Yet by focusing only on the scarcity of our material or even human resources – and by failing to perceive the great wealth of our intangible resources, and how they can often meet our true needs without resorting to pillaging our planet - we see a finite number of those resources; we see limitation. Limitation breeds fear of not getting or having enough, and so the scramble to get our share, to get more, begins. Yet in this zero-sum reality that we’ve created, more can only be had at someone else’s expense.

And this fear of “not enough” goes far deeper than our economic theories and policies. It lies at the core of our consciousness: we misperceive ourselves to be separate from each other, from nature, from God or Source or however you name the Life Principle. And that fundamental misperception of our separateness gives rise to an existential fear of aloneness and “not enough-ness.” We may not always be aware of that fear, but we’ve been conditioned by it for so long that it profoundly influences our beliefs, thoughts and actions. It shapes the world we live in.

And I think most of us would agree that the world we live in is in a bit of a shambles.

Which brings me back to the basic message that got me started: Fear got us into this mess; it certainly cannot get us out. The much-repeated Einstein quote is particularly clear on this point: We cannot solve a problem at the level of consciousness that created it. We must lift ourselves out of fear and look at ourselves, and our lives, through new eyes.

But how, exactly, are we to do that? First and foremost, I think we start by being willing to see the truth that fear is making our challenges worse, not better. In these uncertain times we have a responsibility to connect with our innate goodness and creativity and clarity of thinking, and that means we have a responsibility to navigate through fear rather than cave into it. And in the absence of being able to wave a magic wand to make the fear go away, I’d like to suggest some things that can help us on that journey. I’m not offering solutions to our economic crisis. I’m offering ways we can each get our heads above the deep waters of fear so we can breathe, see and think more clearly. So we can find solutions together.

But before I do, let me say that the ways I’m suggesting are simple, and I’m writing them with a light hand. That’s part of the method behind my seeming madness: to bring lightness into a subject that is heavy and laden with fear.

But please do not mistake lightness for inconsequentiality. Just as every choice you make to put down the fork if you’re no longer hungry, when you’re holding an intention to eat mindfully, counts – so does every choice you make to connect with love rather than fear. Every choice, small and large, counts. And with that brief reminder – here are my suggestions for navigating through fear without caving into it:

• Breathe. Deeply and often.

• Get on the floor. No, really. When panic or anxiety begins to make its presence known, it creates a real felt-sense of being ungrounded. So get grounded. And breathe while you’re down there.

• Take a look at your fears. Right in the eye. Put pen to paper (or fingertips to keypad) and write down everything you’re afraid might happen. Just start with, “I’m afraid that…” and make a list. It might include things such as, “I’ll never be able to retire.” “I’ll end up on the streets.” “I’ll get sick and won’t be able to afford health insurance.” Get it all down. (You might feel better already, getting them out of your head and onto paper.) Now challenge each and every one. Ask questions about them such as:

o Is this really true?

o Can I know for certain this will happen?

o What else might be true or possible?

o What resources do I have to deal with this uncertainty, tangible and intangible?

o Do I really want to dwell on this thought? Is it serving me in any way?

• Breathe deeply again. Notice that your heart, your creativity, your humor, your friends and family, your intelligence and resilience are far stronger than your fear. Now burn the list of fears.

• Deepen your connection with your own heart of hearts, and with whatever you know as Source or God or the Life Principle. Spend quiet time in nature, contemplating the enormity and magnificence of the Universe and Life’s insistence on living. Think of grass pushing its way through those tiny cracks in the cement. Think of the Berlin wall falling and communism crumbling in the former Soviet Union. Think of stars and babies being born, day in and day out. Think of your cat purring in your lap.

• Smile.

• Call people you love. Get together with like-minded others and brainstorm – no, heartstorm – possible ways to deal with the challenges you are facing.

• Breathe. Deeply and often.

I realized as I began writing this list that it could go on and on and on; I’ve barely scratched the surface. And that’s a very good thing. Just remembering things I’ve done that have helped me shift from fear to love made me feel lighter with each keystroke. I hope reading them has had the same effect on you. And I hope you’re inspired to create your own list of ways to navigate fear – and that you actually do them. Remember, fear cannot solve problems, it can only create them.

Let me close with a quote from Julia Cameron which, itself, has helped me during times of great fear. You might want to add it to your list:

“There is no circumstance immune to the power of love.”

Could Staying in a Job You Hate Be Your Path to Freedom?

Years ago a country song came out with the title, “Take This Job and Shove It!” It seemed to get a lot of airtime – no doubt because many people held a secret fantasy of saying that very thing to their bosses and then walking triumphantly out of the workplace and into their new, wide-open life. A life of freedom. Ah, wouldn’t that feel good?

So it would seem. And in fact, it might actually feel good for a while. Yet if true peace of mind and a sense of freedom are what we want, walking rebelliously away from an undesirable work situation probably won’t give us access to that. And not just because we may have burned a bridge or two by speaking rudely and failing to give proper notice. I’m not talking about the need to extend professional courtesy so that people will still like us enough to refrain from passing along bad references. I’m talking about reclaiming a deep inner sense of our freedom to choose.

Now that’s freedom.

You might be thinking something along the lines of, “But that’s what the guy in the song did – he chose to leave that crummy old job!” And yes, on the surface he did execute his right to choose: he chose to leave. He physically walked out the door. But as the saying goes, “Wherever you go, there you are.” You can change physical location without changing your internal experience of life and “how the world works.” If you walk away from something still harboring resentment toward it for making you miserable, you’re taking that resentment with you. Not to mention the tendency toward resentment, period.

Which isn’t exactly freeing.

A long time ago I heard the phrase, “You can’t really leave something until you love it.” It was just illogical and jarring enough to get my attention. Even though it didn’t make sense to my analytical mind, it somehow made sense to a deeper part of me that recognized it as true without fully understanding it. Since then I’ve had plenty of opportunity to explore it in depth. (And I expect I’ll have plenty more). Here is the crib notes version of what I’ve learned:

The “love” referred to in the phrase isn’t the gooey, sentimental love we associate with, say, Valentine’s Day. Nor is it the protective love a mother feels for her child. It isn’t even the kind regard we may have for a favorite teacher, or the preference we have for milk chocolate rather than dark chocolate. The love spoken of us here is, in a word, acceptance. You cannot leave something until you accept it. (And by the way, you don’t have to like it. You just need to release your attachment to not liking it.)

I like to think of this in terms of energy. Consider the energy of blame, judgment and resentment. Pause and really contemplate how they feel in your body and in your mind. It doesn’t take long to recognize that the energy of judgment and blame is constrictive; it literally tenses us up and closes us down, preventing a full flow of energy in and through our body-mind system. This is the opposite of free. When we are holding judgment we are holding ourselves apart from the creative life force that opens us to the solutions and experiences we are seeking. Which I’ve learned not only from my training and education, but from personal experience.

I remember when I was in the corporate world, I often felt resentment toward the senior executives for making what I felt were truly dreadful decisions. From my perspective they were myopically focused on the bottom line, and the share price, to the detriment of virtually every constituent in the business. I could probably convince you that my point of view was valid; I could offer evidence of their greed and short-sightedness and preoccupation with their annual bonuses. My ego would delight in convincing you of my rightness, and together we could rail against the gross distortions that a relentless pursuit of profit has, not only on our economy, but on our planet’s very ability to sustain life. I certainly wouldn’t be the first to make that point.

But here’s the point I want to make now: railing against something doesn’t actually change it. It only changes us, making us bitter and angry and resigned. In my own experience, it wasn’t until I stopped criticizing senior management and started realizing that this is how things are, that my attention was freed to look more deeply into myself. Instead of thinking, “It shouldn’t be this way!” I could ask, “Given that things are this way right now, what is mine to do?”

In looking inward rather than outward, I rediscovered a deep desire to heal and to teach. And while I tinkered with the idea of bringing healing, in some form, to corporate America, I ultimately chose to honor my heartfelt desire to work directly with women who were struggling, as I had struggled, to find my authentic path. Another person, after giving herself permission to take a time-out from complaining and seek a deeper truth, might discover a real passion for transforming the world of work. Rather than leaving, as I did, she may find a renewed commitment to staying for the purpose of leading real, positive change.

By pausing to step back from our judgments and complaints, we create space. We open ourselves to fresh insights and deeper truths. I’m not saying that what we’re observing, which gives rise to our resentment, isn’t true at a certain level; it’s just that dwelling in resentment itself prevents us from seeing the whole of the situation, our part in it – and our path forward. Acceptance is the only way to access that path.

So where does that leave you, if you dread getting out of bed each morning and count the minutes until Friday at 5:00 p.m.? Am I suggesting that you find a way to like where you are and get over yourself, already? Not at all. But I am suggesting that, before you leave as an act of desperation or revenge – or perhaps even worse, before you resign yourself to a lifeless career devoid of soul nourishment – stop. Take a nice, deep breath. And another. And another.

Set an intention to reach a place of acceptance (not resignation) with the job as it is right now. Get out a piece of paper and write down everything you hate about it. Let yourself feel what you feel without fanning the flames of criticism and resentment. Allow your emotional reaction to wash over you like the tide. And when it recedes, rewrite what you wrote in the language of neutrality: state what is without excessive value judgments. Here are a few examples:

Original complaint: “My boss is an ego-manic!”

Neutral observation: “My boss consistently makes choices based on how they will further her career, without seeming to consider their impact on others.”

Original complaint: “My boss micro-manages everything and it’s driving me crazy. She doesn’t trust me to do things right.”

Neutral observation: “My boss involves herself in virtually everything I do, giving me detailed instructions. She rarely accepts my ideas for doing things differently.”

Original complaint: “This company treats its employees like children!”

Neutral observation: “This company has policies and procedures for so many things, there is almost no room for creativity.”

I think you get the idea. Do your best to strip away character judgments and assumptions about the other person’s intentions; focus on what you can observe. And yes, your observations may include valid intuitive perceptions about underlying motivations – especially those that don’t align with your values. But suspend any tendency to make other people “wrong” or “bad” for acting in what you consider such a misguided way. Be as truthful as you can; don’t exaggerate the company’s ineptitude or your own angelic qualities.

When you’re finished, pause. Let things settle. Then ask yourself, “Given that this is so, what is mine to do?” Don’t rush to find an immediate answer. Give yourself time to meditate, to contemplate , to journal. Ask yourself, “How has this job served me? What qualities is it helping me cultivate? What is it showing me about myself that I most need to see and understand?” Again, don’t answer these questions the way you would check items off your to-do list. Really go deep within yourself, to your heart of hearts, and listen for the answers.

If you do this with sincerity, something will shift within you. It may not be huge, but it will be an opening into which new life can breathe. And then expand. Keep holding the intention for acceptance, until you can say with peaceful certainty, “Now is the time to leave,” or “I choose to stay here for now.”

And just notice how free you feel inside.

Reworking the "Money Equals Security" Equation

Have you ever opened a bank statement and, observing a diminished balance in your savings account from the previous month, felt a pang of fear? (Or maybe even, depending on how low the balance had become, felt assaulted by a full-on, frontal fear attack?) I suspect it’s fairly common during these tumultuous economic times, and it is a distinctly unpleasant experience. At the risk of stating the obvious, that fear arises because of our belief that money equals security. So when we have less of it, we feel less secure.


I know many people might object to my use of the word belief – money does equal security…doesn’t it? It is a fact, not a belief…isn’t it? From a certain perspective it is indeed true, as anyone who has lived without the basic necessities that money can buy would attest. And yet every true spiritual tradition tells us that nothing in the material world can be secured because all form is impermanent; our security lies not in the forms themselves but in our connection to Source, which feeds our creativity in generating the forms we need to sustain and nourish us. It is in cultivating our innate creative potential that we develop the flexibility, resilience and faith that lay the foundation for a different kind of security.

Helping me to see this clearly was a client I worked with recently whom I’ll call Kathy. After devoting several years to mothering her two children full-time, Kathy courageously and creatively navigated an emotionally trying divorce and the concurrent requirement to re-enter the work force. She had to quickly dust off an outdated resume and find paying work outside the home. And she did just that, taking on with great focus and enthusiasm a sales job which was 100% commission-based. In other words, there was no predictable base salary; she was paid only after she closed sales.

During the early years of her return to the workforce she supplemented her small but growing income by pulling money from a little nest egg she had in a savings account. Finally she reached the point where the income she generated from her job covered her monthly expenses, and the withdrawals from her savings account stopped.

Shortly after her monthly income and expenses reached equilibrium – and long after she had acknowledged a secret dream to find work that would be more deeply fulfilling to her – she discovered a training program she was genuinely excited about that would qualify her for the work she wanted. The fee for the program was several thousand dollars, and she hesitated to enroll because of the cost. As we explored her deep feelings and fears about considering this investment, she shared with me that she really didn’t want to touch her nest egg because leaving it intact gave her a feeling of security.

I completely empathize with the association of a tidy sum in a bank account with a feeling of security. But like so many of us, Kathy was confusing “effect” with “cause.” She thought the nest egg gave her security, when in truth it was her inner security that gave her the nest egg. It was her confidence and focus and creativity that was exchanged in the marketplace for cash, and in continually expanding her talent, skill and productivity she expanded the cash flowing into her life.

Now she had an opportunity to invest in her true self, to expand her capacity for giving and creating from the place within her that most wanted to give and to create, and she hesitated because of a misguided belief that money provides security. She temporarily forgot that money has no inherent worth or power; it has only the power we give it, which means that the power is ours to give.

Kathy’s nest egg, while not being the source of her security, was a reflection of her power and creativity. As a form of energy it held the potential to support her ongoing learning and expansion. Yet that potential could be released only through her conscious choice. Money must be put into circulation to release its value; money sitting in a bank account, or stuffed under a mattress, provides no security if we don’t actually exchange it for what we need.

Admittedly the purity of this concept gets a little muddy when we factor in the element of time. Until we are able to instantaneously manifest our desires from the life-giving field of pure potential, as Jesus did in multiplying the loaves and the fishes, we are wise to save money for future needs rather than putting it all into circulation right now. Yet the choice to save money for our future is just that, a conscious choice we have the power to make. And as our present unfolds into our future, we choose when, and how much, to withdraw from our savings. The power is always within us – the power to choose, to direct our energy in the form of money in accordance with our highest intentions.

This may seem like a trivial point, but I see it as fundamental to the shift in perspective that is needed when we seek to live our dreams. If we view money as a source of security, we subtly disempower ourselves. Security is seen as an object outside of us rather than as an innate aspect of our inner creativity and connection to Source. And as we chase that outer symbol of security, we’re more likely to choose work that pays the most, even if it does not provide an opportunity to develop our true passion and talent; we’re also more likely to hold onto money that we’ve accumulated, as Kathy did, rather than invest it in ways that could enrich us on all levels.

So if, like so many of us, you believe that money equals security, how do you begin to shift that belief? Let me be honest – that isn’t the kind of shift that generally happens overnight. Yet the earnest effort to reach for the deeper truth about the nature of security can open us to fresh insights and a greater sense of creative freedom. Here are a few steps you can take right now:

• Be willing to see “money equals security” as a belief, and to consider the possibility that it might confusing or constraining you as you seek to live your dreams.

• In your journal or on a notepad, write “What is the real source of my security?” at the top of a page. Put the pen down, close your eyes and quiet your mind. Consciously let go of any preconceived notions of what the answer might be. Invite Source to fill you with clarity and insight. When you feel at peace, open your eyes, pick up the pen and start writing. See what shows up.

• For the next week pay attention whenever you interact with money in any way – when you purchase something, when you check online to see if your paycheck has been deposited into your checking account, when you open your 401-k statement. Notice what you’re thinking and how you feel. Take notes about what you observe at the end of each day. Then at the end of the week pull out your journal and answer the following questions:

o How would I characterize my current relationship with money?

o Am I earning and spending it in alignment with my highest intentions?

o What change(s) might I make to bring me into greater alignment with my highest intentions?

• If you don’t have a regular spiritual practice already, contemplate deeply your willingness to commit to one. It is only though an intentional connection with Source, and the deeper wisdom that issues from Source, that our deepest needs can be seen and met.

As I said, this shift in perspective doesn’t happen overnight; it takes conscious choice and effort. As does virtually everything in life that is worthwhile. Imagine how you might feel – and how you might live your life – if your inner peace didn’t fluctuate with your bank or portfolio balance. Imagine the clarity, insight and inspiration that could arise from that deep sense of peace. I say that’s a peace worth cultivating. You might even call it…security.

Can Your Soul Help You Make Good Money?

Imagine this bizarre scenario: you’re called upon to represent your cousin Barb in the salary negotiations for her new job, and naturally she wants to make good money. The negotiations are starting right now. And that’s not all: as improbable as the act of negotiating someone else’s salary with virtually no advance notice might be, what makes this scenario even stranger is that Barb is a distant cousin living halfway across the country. You’ve never met her and you don’t know anything about her. And there’s no time to call her for a crash course in Life As Barb.


Somehow you have to decide what “good money” would be for your cousin and do whatever you can think of to get it for her. You’d likely find yourself vacillating between wanting to nail a really big number – to be sure she earns enough to pay for everything she needs – but also wanting the negotiations to go smoothly, which would be easier if you didn’t ask for too much money. (After all, you don’t even know how good she is at what she does.)

A preposterous challenge, don’t you agree?

And yet, if you’ll allow me a big helping of artistic license, many people experience an eerily similar challenge in their own lives – not because they’re asked to represent a cousin whom they’ve never met in salary negotiations, but because they’re deciding what “good money” means for themselves without consulting the one person who really knows: their own best and highest self - the Wise One within, which I think of as the soul.

The soul knows quite a bit about good money – and about living a deeply fulfilled life. And, quite often, the soul’s direction is 180 degrees away from what we’ve been conditioned to believe. We’ve been taught that “good money” is the amount that maximizes what we can get; the soul knows that “good money” supports us in maximizing what we can give.

From spiritual masters to modern studies on happiness and fulfillment in the workplace, we are told that true happiness arises not from making more money than we’ve ever made before, but from serving others in a meaningful way. We experience fulfillment when we know that our contributions matter. We want, simply and deeply, to make a difference.

And of course we want a good home and clothes we enjoy wearing and maybe a really nice beach vacation every year…I’ll get to that in a moment.

Or maybe I can get to that right now.

Because the really cool, holistic and dare I say elegant thing about putting our souls in charge of our money is that our souls align our “gets” with our “gives.” The soul starts with identifying what we most long to heal, create and share – what we deeply want to give ourselves and the world that moves us toward wholeness and the realization of our highest potential – and then discerns what we need to have in order that we may give fully and generously.

I’m thinking now might be the perfect time for an example.

I read an article recently about a woman who grew up on a lake and cultivated a deep and abiding love of the water. She became a boat captain and started her own business taking people on adventurous, aquatic vacations. Over the years she’s observed a shocking amount of garbage swirling in even the remotest areas of the ocean, and has become a tireless advocate for cleaning up our precious seas. She recently started a nonprofit research and education foundation and routinely observes, measures and reports on the levels of garbage in our water, and also promotes new technologies for getting rid of it.

This woman needs a boat.

I, on the other hand, do not need a boat. At one point in my life, back when I was under the hypnotic spell of relentless messages about the “good life” and all it supposedly included, I might have been convinced that having a boat was a great way to reward myself for all the hard work I was putting into climbing the corporate ladder. (A highly unlikely scenario, I’ll be the first to admit, since I can’t even swim. Still, I can distinctly remember being lulled into thinking that having high-status, expensive things equated to having “made it.” Hence my unfortunate decision to buy a car at the age of 21 whose price equaled the annual salary of my first job out of college. I can assure you I never made that mistake again.) I shudder to think of the gross misallocation of time and energy I might have devoted to making the kind of money I’d need to buy a boat.

Which is exactly the point: putting our souls in charge of our money helps us allocate our time and energy wisely. When we start the “good money” conversation by asking what we most long to heal, to create and to give, we are focused in a way that helps us identify our true needs. Our energy is aligned with our highest intentions rather than scattered among countless alternatives that have no real relationship with who we are and what we’re here to give.

And that doesn’t always mean, by the way, that our true needs can or should be met with less money than our false ones. For many people, coming into right relationship with money means they need more of it in order to support their soul’s needs for healing, creating and giving. The key is to consult the inner Wise One to get the real answers.

And that, truthfully, is easier said than done, with the countless voices in our heads giving us all kinds of mixed advice and confusing us with both crippling doubt and ungrounded wishful thinking. It can seem easier just to play by the rules and aim for getting the most money we can as fast as we can, then figure out what to do with it as we go along. The problem with that is it reinforces the false notion that our happiness arises from having rather than giving, and so we increase the likelihood of being unfulfilled.

So where does that leave us? It’s not likely that we can turn around our ingrained habits of earning and spending money overnight, but we can start where we are. Get in the habit of setting aside quiet time for deep inner listening and ask yourself, with sincerity and openness and genuine curiosity, “What is it that I most long to heal, create or share in my life? And what do I need to be supported in that?” Give the exploration plenty of time and space, and feel for a deep sense of “rightness” in the responses. Write them down, and ask the Wise One what step you can take that moves you toward fulfilling those needs. Then take it.

And repeat: keep asking, keep listening, keep stepping forward. I know you’re going to want to figure it all out, already, especially the part about how you’re going to make the money your wise soul has determined you actually need. There are plenty of resources, both inner and outer, to support you in making that happen. But the foundation for that process is holding the intention to put your soul in charge, and to do that you need to actually listen to its voice.

So just start listening.