The following is a blog post written by author and teacher Lola Jones, which I'm reprinting with her permission. See more of Lola's blogs at www.divineopenings.com. Enjoy!
In the sixties and seventies we said, "Question Authority!"
Now I tell people, "Disrespect Reality!"
Why give our power away to any outer "reality," whether it's government, relationship, a job, or health condition? Just because it's physical and it's staring you in the face doesn't mean it's real-- or permanent. Don't give it so much respect.
Disrespect it.
Take your power back.
Today's reality is merely an out-picturing of your feelings and beliefs. Most people just keep re-creating yesterday's reality! Change, and tomorrow you could take delivery on a fresh reality. All you have to do is give up the old one. It's all ephemeral-- as insubstantial as mist. The trouble is that in this Age of Reason, we've bought so heavily into physical "reality" that we actually worship it, bow down to it, revere it, and fear it.
Let's take an empowering look, behind the curtain, at what beliefs really are.
They're just big boxes of evidence that you've collected, or you "bought them" from someone else. They are pre-decided experience!
Our minds "organize" our reality for us in compartments, all neatly boxed up. It's how we keep a very complicated reality under "control".... by simplifying it and OVER-simplifying it.
Oversimplified example: As a child, Sue fails at something. That's her first piece of evidence that she's defective. She becomes a magnet for more evidence of it. Soon she's collected a whole box of evidence for it, other people affirm it, and it's HER reality.
This applies to every concept you have about yourself, the world, and others.
So more evidence keeps showing up. We attract evidence that fits our beliefs. So anything we deeply believe in our unconscious seems to get more and more true by the day.
What DO you do with evidence that doesn't support your beliefs?
Your unconscious deletes it, because it doesn't fit in the box with the other contents! You think, "Oh, that's a fluke!" I often see people being completely unable to see evidence that doesn't fit in their box. What evidence? Where? It's as if for them, it's not there!
Or you can discount it, or distort it to fit, "Well, I succeeded at that, but that was too EASY. Any failure of a person could succeed at that!" or "Yes, it's working now, but it won't keep working."
Most people don't experience reality at all. They literally only experience their boxes. Sit with that for a moment! Other people are in boxes, their health and their job is seen through the filter of their box of evidence.
What they believe is possible for them in life is all boxed up and sealed. Done.
*******************************
There are two main kinds of beliefs, the kind you picked up from a personal experience like Sue's, and beliefs you absorbed by osmosis from your parents, culture, media, friends, and the giant collective unconscious. In my book it's referred to as the Ancient Mind.
The collective unconscious is a sort of "community pool" of beliefs that we swim in daily. We live by thousands of unquestioned assumptions that we "absorbed" unconsciously from this collective.
One of the most damaging of these beliefs is that reality is some kind of fixed, unchangeable thing. How often do you hear, "face reality," "get real," "be realistic," or "that's impossible"?
Any reality is only one creation out of many possibilities.
Why limit yourself?
People say, "This is THE reality. It's proven, true, and real because there is evidence."
Of course you have evidence!
When you believe it, evidence for it finds you. And once you know how powerful you are, you will never again be a victim of a reality that you yourself created.
When you get conscious of your beliefs and take back your power, you're really going to like what happens.
Ask The Divine to go on a box-busting adventure with you. If you can't find the belief, ask The Divine to do the heavy lifting.
The Dive In And Be With It audios are great for this, because you don't have to know, figure out, or analyze what's holding you back. You just tune into the subject you want to address, and find the feeling. Then relax, and let the process take you.
To learn more about Diving In process, or to order, go to http://www.divineopenings.com/.
OR..... if you're already good at the diving in process, you've mastered the moving of your emotions, and surf them like a pro, here's something more advanced for you:
When you create something you don't particularly like, try this:
"Hmmm, how amazing that I created that. I sure am a powerful creator.
It's only energy in form, and I can create something else just as easily."
When you create something you love, try this:
"Ahhh, I created that.
I sure am a powerful creator.
It's only energy in form, but I sure do appreciate it."
*********************
OK!
Dig out your old hippie headband and start a revolution.
Bust some boxes!
Disrespect reality!
Love,
Lola
www.divineopenings.com
Monday, October 24, 2011
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Could Steve Jobs' Wisdom Be the Nudge You Need?
Several months ago I received a flurry of emails from friends and clients, who were forwarding me either a link to a YouTube video of Steve Jobs' 2005 commencement address to the graduating seniors of Stanford University, or a transcript of that same speech. I'm not sure why it was making the rounds then, but it doesn't matter. To say the speech was inspiring, engaging and very humanly real would be an understatement. He was definitely speaking from his heart to ours.
With Steve's recent passing, another client forwarded me a quote from that same speech. Once again I was moved by his clear, straightforward message to follow your heart - first and always. Below are two of my favorite excerpts from his commencement address, both of which speak to themes that are central to my work in helping clients create work - to create lives - they love:
"Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something - your gut, destiny, life (my emphasis), karma, whatever. This approach has never let meknow, and it has made all the difference in my life."
Clients who have worked with me know that I often use the analogy of following the breadcrumbs, or holding a flashlight that illuminates only your next step, to convey the mystery of our inner guidance. It doesn't lay out a five-year plan, and that's a good thing!
I have come to understand that our inner guidance is connected to - in some real way is an aspect of - the Divine Intelligence that guides the very expansion and evolution of the universe. It understands paradox and flow and interconnectedness in a way our linear minds simply cannot.
And because we are inherently creative beings, we are constantly creating - our future is not fixed. Step-by-step guidance reflects and respects this truth. Our own creative impulses trigger the guidance we need in that moment...and then the next, and the next. There is no set plan, just a continual unfolding. As we learn to trust this more and more - to trust in Life itself, as Steve suggests - we can follow the dots into our deeply fulfilling, heart-centered future.
"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noice of others' opinions down out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."
Again he eloquently emphasizes the absolute necessity of listening to your own inner voice, your heart and intuition. They're connected to your soul's true longings, and they do indeed know what you want to become. He also uses the word courage, which most of us on this journey find very appropriate! It can feel daunting to say "no" to the many rules, beliefs and expectations of our families and communities and culture - not to mention how difficult it is to say "no" to the naggingly persistent voice of fear and doubt within our own minds.
We literally have to learn how to think differently, how to think from that deep inner well of wisdom and creativity. We have to learn how to navigate through fear and doubt. And - this is essential - we have to learn how to cultivate a strong, resilient foundation of self-love as we commit to this journey. In the absence of that love, none of this makes sense.
Most of us need a little support and, yes, training as we shift from "having a job" to "living a life." And providing that support is my greatest passion! I know I might sound like a broken record, but hey - some messages simply bear repeating, if only because it can be so difficult to grasp their full impact the first - or fiftieth! - time around. And here's the message, in the words of someone else who has inspired me on my own path, Tama Kieves:
"You can do this. You must do this! You don't want to miss this life!"
- from her bestselling book, This Time I Dance! Creating the Work You Love
Join me this Saturday, October 15th, for my from-the-heart workshop on Creating Work You Love: Growing Into Your Dreams. For only $40 and 3 hours of your time, you could put your life on a whole new trajectory. Email jill@mysolidground.com for information and to register.
Don't wait. Now is the perfect time.
You don't want to miss this life.
With Steve's recent passing, another client forwarded me a quote from that same speech. Once again I was moved by his clear, straightforward message to follow your heart - first and always. Below are two of my favorite excerpts from his commencement address, both of which speak to themes that are central to my work in helping clients create work - to create lives - they love:
"Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something - your gut, destiny, life (my emphasis), karma, whatever. This approach has never let meknow, and it has made all the difference in my life."
Clients who have worked with me know that I often use the analogy of following the breadcrumbs, or holding a flashlight that illuminates only your next step, to convey the mystery of our inner guidance. It doesn't lay out a five-year plan, and that's a good thing!
I have come to understand that our inner guidance is connected to - in some real way is an aspect of - the Divine Intelligence that guides the very expansion and evolution of the universe. It understands paradox and flow and interconnectedness in a way our linear minds simply cannot.
And because we are inherently creative beings, we are constantly creating - our future is not fixed. Step-by-step guidance reflects and respects this truth. Our own creative impulses trigger the guidance we need in that moment...and then the next, and the next. There is no set plan, just a continual unfolding. As we learn to trust this more and more - to trust in Life itself, as Steve suggests - we can follow the dots into our deeply fulfilling, heart-centered future.
"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noice of others' opinions down out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."
Again he eloquently emphasizes the absolute necessity of listening to your own inner voice, your heart and intuition. They're connected to your soul's true longings, and they do indeed know what you want to become. He also uses the word courage, which most of us on this journey find very appropriate! It can feel daunting to say "no" to the many rules, beliefs and expectations of our families and communities and culture - not to mention how difficult it is to say "no" to the naggingly persistent voice of fear and doubt within our own minds.
We literally have to learn how to think differently, how to think from that deep inner well of wisdom and creativity. We have to learn how to navigate through fear and doubt. And - this is essential - we have to learn how to cultivate a strong, resilient foundation of self-love as we commit to this journey. In the absence of that love, none of this makes sense.
Most of us need a little support and, yes, training as we shift from "having a job" to "living a life." And providing that support is my greatest passion! I know I might sound like a broken record, but hey - some messages simply bear repeating, if only because it can be so difficult to grasp their full impact the first - or fiftieth! - time around. And here's the message, in the words of someone else who has inspired me on my own path, Tama Kieves:
"You can do this. You must do this! You don't want to miss this life!"
- from her bestselling book, This Time I Dance! Creating the Work You Love
Join me this Saturday, October 15th, for my from-the-heart workshop on Creating Work You Love: Growing Into Your Dreams. For only $40 and 3 hours of your time, you could put your life on a whole new trajectory. Email jill@mysolidground.com for information and to register.
Don't wait. Now is the perfect time.
You don't want to miss this life.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Maybe Having a Little Egg On Your Face Isn't All Bad
I want to talk about the phenomenon known, rather comically yet inexplicably, as “having egg on your face.” (Where did that come from? Why egg, particularly? Isn’t having spinach in the teeth even worse? No matter…it’s just a visual way to represent a feeling of embarrassment. And in particular, for this post, feeling embarrassed about changing your mind.) It’s an unappealing image, to be sure, which is why we try hard to avoid it. But like so many things we seek to avoid, our fear of it is usually far more crippling than the actual experience.
I’m sitting with a little egg on my face right now. And I’m daring to write a blog post even so.
Here’s what it’s all about. Depending on how frequently you read my newsletters, you may recall that, in late August and early September, I began enthusiastically promoting a new class on how to heal our relationship with money and open to greater abundance. It was going to start in October of this year, which would be…right about now.
It won’t be starting in October.
And you may also remember, if you’ve been on my mailing list for a while, that earlier this year I told you with great excitement about a program I’d be participating in that would qualify me as a certified “Calling In The One” coach, and I’d be enrolling clients in this new coaching program in the fall.
That’s not happening, either. I cancelled my registration in the training class and got my money back.
I wasn’t going to call these turnarounds to your attention. After all, why wave the flag of my fickle-mindedness right in your face? Chances are you didn’t even see those notices or, if you did, you promptly forgot them. Not that I’m thrilled with the idea of my newsletters and classes being so easily forgotten…but somehow that thought seemed preferable to the one that kept nudging me to ‘fess up and tell you the whole story.
It’s a short story, really. And here it is: I started moving forward with both of those plans, and then I changed my mind.
And here’s the rest of the story: changing my mind was liberating! In both cases the choice to pause, reconsider and then take a different direction ushered in a fresh wave of creative energy. I became acutely aware of how I had depleted myself with a stultifying commitment to “make something happen” just because I’d said I would, even though my inner voice was calling me to slow down and reconsider.
Of course, it would have been easier to change my mind if I hadn’t made public my original commitments. After all, I’d made the commitments not only to myself, but to you. I had a responsibility to follow through! Or so my smaller self would have me believe. But my Larger Self has a different view on things like commitment and responsibility. She helped me remember that my primary responsibility is to the truth as I see it and know it in each moment. And my commitment to you is one of openness, honesty and authenticity.
She also reminded me to lighten up. Clearly the world hasn’t come to an end because I’ve changed my mind. Even my own world is still going! Not to mention the fact that changing my mind has given me some juicy material for a new blog post.
So here’s the juice: it’s okay to change your mind. Really, really okay.
But let me very clear that when I say it’s okay to change your mind, I’m not saying it’s okay to whittle yourself down to a nubbin with constant second-guessing, with relentless back-and-forthing that prevents you from making any decision. It’s not about changing your mind a million times before you finally give up in exhaustion and then just take the path of least resistance. (Or sit in paralysis, not taking any path at all.)
It’s actually – paradoxically – about going ahead and making a decision and then “making it right,” as they say…again and again and again. I know, I appear to be contradicting myself here, don’t I? After all, making a decision and “making it right” seems like the very thing I did that got me in trouble: I made a decision and then stuck to it, only to discover it wasn’t quite right for me.
But let’s look a little closer. You might think that “Make a decision, then make it right” means to make a choice and then put your blinders and ear muffs on so you can’t see or hear anything that might cause you to stray from your choice. You might think it’s all about one-pointed focus and relentless inner cheerleading to keep yourself moving. And sometimes it can mean that.
Yet I’ve rediscovered, as I’ve given myself permission to change my mind about things that are really significant to my work and my business, that the “making it right” piece of that advice is really about making yourself right – or perhaps more bluntly, not making yourself wrong. It’s about not turning a changed mind into an opportunity to beat yourself up.
It’s about making yourself all right with your self, iffy choices and all.
Which is why we need the “again and again and again” piece. Life is an endless series of choices, and we can’t figure them all out in our heads before we take the first step! We have to step, choose, step, choose, pause, choose, turn left, choose, take a nap, choose, choose not to choose, choose, call a friend, choose…
Now of course, we owe it to ourselves to learn how to listen deeply to our inner guidance, so that our choices come more and more often from the place within us that always has our best interests at heart. That is the essence of good choice-making, but it’s a subject for another time. Still, let me emphasize one thing right here about listening to inner guidance: we have to keep listening, because this world, and our lives, are fluid and ever-changing. There are a lot of moving parts! Something that is right, right now, may be a little “off” a month from now. Time to listen in and choose again.
That’s why I’m a big fan of setting intentions rather than specific goals. (Not that goals can’t be helpful…another good subject for a future post!) Intentions provide what I call the “resonant frequency” we’re listening for. When I considered whether to change course with the certification program and the money class, I checked in with my intentions to stand in my genuine passion and talent as I serve my clients, and to do work I truly love. Holding those clear intentions helped me recognize that moving forward, in the exact manner and timetable I’d set for myself, would shift me out of alignment with those intentions.
So the choices were, ultimately, clear.
And I continue to listen, to choose and step and pause, then choose again. (Which includes choosing a different timetable for some things. That money class is still in the pipeline!) I’m choosing to choose, or choosing not to choose, in any given moment - and I’m practicing “making that right” each step of the way, which means I’m learning to find what’s good and right in each choice I make, even if the only “right” I can find is that I rediscovered something important for me to take to heart at a deeper level.
I’m reminding myself, as I so often remind clients, that I really can’t make a mistake; no choice is ever final. The universe is endlessly fluid and flowing with countless options. So go ahead – set your intentions, listen to your heart of hearts, then choose. And if your choice starts feeling like it doesn’t really fit…change your mind. Choose again. And congratulate yourself for having the wisdom and courage and humor to do it.
Even if it feels like you’ve got a little egg on your face.
I’m sitting with a little egg on my face right now. And I’m daring to write a blog post even so.
Here’s what it’s all about. Depending on how frequently you read my newsletters, you may recall that, in late August and early September, I began enthusiastically promoting a new class on how to heal our relationship with money and open to greater abundance. It was going to start in October of this year, which would be…right about now.
It won’t be starting in October.
And you may also remember, if you’ve been on my mailing list for a while, that earlier this year I told you with great excitement about a program I’d be participating in that would qualify me as a certified “Calling In The One” coach, and I’d be enrolling clients in this new coaching program in the fall.
That’s not happening, either. I cancelled my registration in the training class and got my money back.
I wasn’t going to call these turnarounds to your attention. After all, why wave the flag of my fickle-mindedness right in your face? Chances are you didn’t even see those notices or, if you did, you promptly forgot them. Not that I’m thrilled with the idea of my newsletters and classes being so easily forgotten…but somehow that thought seemed preferable to the one that kept nudging me to ‘fess up and tell you the whole story.
It’s a short story, really. And here it is: I started moving forward with both of those plans, and then I changed my mind.
And here’s the rest of the story: changing my mind was liberating! In both cases the choice to pause, reconsider and then take a different direction ushered in a fresh wave of creative energy. I became acutely aware of how I had depleted myself with a stultifying commitment to “make something happen” just because I’d said I would, even though my inner voice was calling me to slow down and reconsider.
Of course, it would have been easier to change my mind if I hadn’t made public my original commitments. After all, I’d made the commitments not only to myself, but to you. I had a responsibility to follow through! Or so my smaller self would have me believe. But my Larger Self has a different view on things like commitment and responsibility. She helped me remember that my primary responsibility is to the truth as I see it and know it in each moment. And my commitment to you is one of openness, honesty and authenticity.
She also reminded me to lighten up. Clearly the world hasn’t come to an end because I’ve changed my mind. Even my own world is still going! Not to mention the fact that changing my mind has given me some juicy material for a new blog post.
So here’s the juice: it’s okay to change your mind. Really, really okay.
But let me very clear that when I say it’s okay to change your mind, I’m not saying it’s okay to whittle yourself down to a nubbin with constant second-guessing, with relentless back-and-forthing that prevents you from making any decision. It’s not about changing your mind a million times before you finally give up in exhaustion and then just take the path of least resistance. (Or sit in paralysis, not taking any path at all.)
It’s actually – paradoxically – about going ahead and making a decision and then “making it right,” as they say…again and again and again. I know, I appear to be contradicting myself here, don’t I? After all, making a decision and “making it right” seems like the very thing I did that got me in trouble: I made a decision and then stuck to it, only to discover it wasn’t quite right for me.
But let’s look a little closer. You might think that “Make a decision, then make it right” means to make a choice and then put your blinders and ear muffs on so you can’t see or hear anything that might cause you to stray from your choice. You might think it’s all about one-pointed focus and relentless inner cheerleading to keep yourself moving. And sometimes it can mean that.
Yet I’ve rediscovered, as I’ve given myself permission to change my mind about things that are really significant to my work and my business, that the “making it right” piece of that advice is really about making yourself right – or perhaps more bluntly, not making yourself wrong. It’s about not turning a changed mind into an opportunity to beat yourself up.
It’s about making yourself all right with your self, iffy choices and all.
Which is why we need the “again and again and again” piece. Life is an endless series of choices, and we can’t figure them all out in our heads before we take the first step! We have to step, choose, step, choose, pause, choose, turn left, choose, take a nap, choose, choose not to choose, choose, call a friend, choose…
Now of course, we owe it to ourselves to learn how to listen deeply to our inner guidance, so that our choices come more and more often from the place within us that always has our best interests at heart. That is the essence of good choice-making, but it’s a subject for another time. Still, let me emphasize one thing right here about listening to inner guidance: we have to keep listening, because this world, and our lives, are fluid and ever-changing. There are a lot of moving parts! Something that is right, right now, may be a little “off” a month from now. Time to listen in and choose again.
That’s why I’m a big fan of setting intentions rather than specific goals. (Not that goals can’t be helpful…another good subject for a future post!) Intentions provide what I call the “resonant frequency” we’re listening for. When I considered whether to change course with the certification program and the money class, I checked in with my intentions to stand in my genuine passion and talent as I serve my clients, and to do work I truly love. Holding those clear intentions helped me recognize that moving forward, in the exact manner and timetable I’d set for myself, would shift me out of alignment with those intentions.
So the choices were, ultimately, clear.
And I continue to listen, to choose and step and pause, then choose again. (Which includes choosing a different timetable for some things. That money class is still in the pipeline!) I’m choosing to choose, or choosing not to choose, in any given moment - and I’m practicing “making that right” each step of the way, which means I’m learning to find what’s good and right in each choice I make, even if the only “right” I can find is that I rediscovered something important for me to take to heart at a deeper level.
I’m reminding myself, as I so often remind clients, that I really can’t make a mistake; no choice is ever final. The universe is endlessly fluid and flowing with countless options. So go ahead – set your intentions, listen to your heart of hearts, then choose. And if your choice starts feeling like it doesn’t really fit…change your mind. Choose again. And congratulate yourself for having the wisdom and courage and humor to do it.
Even if it feels like you’ve got a little egg on your face.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Which Do You Choose: Problems...or Possibilities?
I'd like to ask you a question. Imagine that everything you're working so hard to achieve has been accomplished: your retirement account is fully funded, a regular stream of income covers your ongoing expenses quite nicely, you're booked for the vacation of your dreams - and yes, you've finally lost those five "extra" pounds. Really, pause to close youe eyes and feel into what it might be like to be at peace, relaxed and trusting in the goodness of Life.
Okay, here's the question: Now what? What might the divinely creative aspect of your being feel ready to experience, to share, to create? What song does your soul want to sing?
And here's another question: Were you able to answer those questions?
If you're like many people, your mind may have gone blank - you've never even given yourself permission to consider such an outlandish scenario. Or maybe you got a little twinkle in your eye as you admitted to yourself the dream you have to write a screenplay or take piano lessons or get a patent for that invention you've been tinkering with - but then shut yourself down with admonishments of "impracticality." After all, your retirement account isn't fully funded, your income may not be covering all your expenses, and there isn't a vacation anywhere on your horizon. How could you possibly relax and think about letting your soul sing?
Let's get to the "how" in a minute. First I'd like to make a case for the "why" - why it is essential to let your soul sing, right here and right now. One of the creative principles of this vibrational universe we live in is that energy follows attention. Another way to say that is, what we focus on is what expands in our lives. When we keep focusing on needing to work hard to overcome obstacles, we get more obstacles we need to work hard to overcome. When we keep focusing on not having enough money, we experience ongoing lack. When we keep putting conditions on when and where we can be happy, and see those conditions as being almost impossible to meet, we can never be happy.
Thankfully, this dynamic works in both directions. When we lovingly and consistently shift our attention to what is good, what is loving, what is plentiful and what we're eager to create or experience, we start to feel good and loving and creative. We open ourselves to new levels of inspiration and insight. We get our creative juices flowing. We become happier and, frankly, a lot more fun to be around.
And when we dare to consider what our souls might want to create, we become bigger - bigger than the small, fearful self who keeps tangling us up in worry and analysis. We gain a broader perspective that helps us make sense of who we are and where we're going. We see things in terms of possibility rather than problems. The vibrational pull of our soul's song calls us to expand into our largest, wisest and most loving self. Doesn't that sound a lot better than keeping your nose to the grindstone and hoping you live long enough to have a little fun between retirement - if you ever get there, of course - and death?
Believe it or not, even in this economy, there are people who are living happy, fulfilled lives. Some have a lot more money than you do, some have far less. They're happy because they're choosing happiness, and they've learned how to get out of their own way and let it in. And that's really what it takes: a consciously declared intention, and then a letting-go of everything not in alignment with that intention. It's a process, and it does require your highest-quality attention, but it doesn't have to be "work." (In fact, if it feels like work you're heading back into obstacle-land.)
So where do you start? There are plenty of teachers and resources to help you make this shift - including yours truly! - but let me suggest a few things you can do right now:
However you choose to stay supported, just do it. And keep choosing. In the words of best-selling author Tama Kieves, "You can do this. You must do this! You don't want to miss this life."
Okay, here's the question: Now what? What might the divinely creative aspect of your being feel ready to experience, to share, to create? What song does your soul want to sing?
And here's another question: Were you able to answer those questions?
If you're like many people, your mind may have gone blank - you've never even given yourself permission to consider such an outlandish scenario. Or maybe you got a little twinkle in your eye as you admitted to yourself the dream you have to write a screenplay or take piano lessons or get a patent for that invention you've been tinkering with - but then shut yourself down with admonishments of "impracticality." After all, your retirement account isn't fully funded, your income may not be covering all your expenses, and there isn't a vacation anywhere on your horizon. How could you possibly relax and think about letting your soul sing?
Let's get to the "how" in a minute. First I'd like to make a case for the "why" - why it is essential to let your soul sing, right here and right now. One of the creative principles of this vibrational universe we live in is that energy follows attention. Another way to say that is, what we focus on is what expands in our lives. When we keep focusing on needing to work hard to overcome obstacles, we get more obstacles we need to work hard to overcome. When we keep focusing on not having enough money, we experience ongoing lack. When we keep putting conditions on when and where we can be happy, and see those conditions as being almost impossible to meet, we can never be happy.
Thankfully, this dynamic works in both directions. When we lovingly and consistently shift our attention to what is good, what is loving, what is plentiful and what we're eager to create or experience, we start to feel good and loving and creative. We open ourselves to new levels of inspiration and insight. We get our creative juices flowing. We become happier and, frankly, a lot more fun to be around.
And when we dare to consider what our souls might want to create, we become bigger - bigger than the small, fearful self who keeps tangling us up in worry and analysis. We gain a broader perspective that helps us make sense of who we are and where we're going. We see things in terms of possibility rather than problems. The vibrational pull of our soul's song calls us to expand into our largest, wisest and most loving self. Doesn't that sound a lot better than keeping your nose to the grindstone and hoping you live long enough to have a little fun between retirement - if you ever get there, of course - and death?
Believe it or not, even in this economy, there are people who are living happy, fulfilled lives. Some have a lot more money than you do, some have far less. They're happy because they're choosing happiness, and they've learned how to get out of their own way and let it in. And that's really what it takes: a consciously declared intention, and then a letting-go of everything not in alignment with that intention. It's a process, and it does require your highest-quality attention, but it doesn't have to be "work." (In fact, if it feels like work you're heading back into obstacle-land.)
So where do you start? There are plenty of teachers and resources to help you make this shift - including yours truly! - but let me suggest a few things you can do right now:
- Create a new habit of noticing and appreciating all that is good and right and delightful in your life, even the seemingly trivial things such as getting every light green on your way to work. Really pause to feel how much you appreciate these ever-flowing gifts of goodness.
- When things don't seem to be going your way, take some time to be contemplative and ask, "How might this be serving me at a deeper level? What qualities is it helping me cultivate? Is it calling me to make a desirable change in direction?"
- Practice thinking larger. Just a little. Keep expanding your ideas of what is possible. And have fun with it. Challenge yourself to think of reasons why the larger (or deeper, or more appealing) option could actually work.
However you choose to stay supported, just do it. And keep choosing. In the words of best-selling author Tama Kieves, "You can do this. You must do this! You don't want to miss this life."
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Me & Irene
The wind is picking up outside as Hurricane Irene whirls her way toward Wilmington, Delware. Right now I feel cozy and safe, having prepared as well as I can for the storm (and still enjoying my fully-functioning electricity). My laundry is on its last cycle of drying, my cats are safe and sleepy, and I just concluded a deeply satisfying session with a wonderful client. In this moment, I am at peace. And staying connected with that inner core of peace is the intention I am holding as the weekend unfolds, even with the apparent likelihood of turbulence on the surface!
This morning I was reminded of the beauty and simplicity of a practice I often give clients, as a means of helping them regain a sense of inner rhythm and harmony with the flow of life. The practice is this: for some period of time (at least several hours but ideally for an entire day), do only what you have the authentic impulse, the energy and the willingness to do. All three must be present. More often than not, clients resist this exercise, fearing that their lazy selves will jump into the driver's seat and, well, stop driving; they're afraid they'll end up doing nothing but eating cheese curls and watching bad reality TV shows.
But when they actually do the exercise with sincerity and curiosity, they find what I've found time and again: that when we give ourselves the space, depth and self-trust to recognize and honor our true rhythm, that rhythm carries us into an almost effortless flow of action and rest, one that recognizes the true needs of the present moment.
This morning I gratefully experienced that effortless flow as I gave myself over to preparations for the storm. I cancelled a meeting that had been scheduled for weeks as my authentic impulse guided me to do, to free up time for taking care of things I would normally do on Sunday that require electricity. Although a disdainful voice tried to convince me I was shirking my responsibilities and that my cancelling would inconvenience the other person - surely if I just pushed harder I could accommodate both the meeting and the storm preparations! - I trusted the authentic impulse instead. And my meeting partner, who is on the west coast and unaffected by the storm, could not have been more gracious about my request to reschedule.
I went about my tasks at a swift yet unhurried pace. Flowing from one thing to the next without analysis or timekeepking, I even caught the "now would be a good time to vaccuum" wave - which, if you knew how much I dislike vaccuuming, you'd appreciate as the small miracle that it was. And when I close the laptop I will rest in the space of an unplanned afternoon. Who knows what new impulse might arise?
Of course by the time you read this I might be exhausted from bailing water out of my basement and really, really frustrated at the great inconvenience this storm has caused. (Or perhaps despairing at the damage and suffering it might have wrought.) But in this moment I am grateful for the peace I feel, because there was a time when I would have worried myself into a pointless frenzy over the weather forecast. And instead, I now hold an intention to be in harmony with this moment, and to deepen my capacity for releasing resistance to what is.
And perhaps I can even look to Irene as a reflection of my own inner power and ability to move forward with focus and force. I'm inspired by Jean Houston's Facebook post today, which she wrote in reference to the opening weekend of her Mystery School (which is in Irene's path):
May we each listen to the voice within to guide us to safety, and be willing to be astonished by our own inner power.
This morning I was reminded of the beauty and simplicity of a practice I often give clients, as a means of helping them regain a sense of inner rhythm and harmony with the flow of life. The practice is this: for some period of time (at least several hours but ideally for an entire day), do only what you have the authentic impulse, the energy and the willingness to do. All three must be present. More often than not, clients resist this exercise, fearing that their lazy selves will jump into the driver's seat and, well, stop driving; they're afraid they'll end up doing nothing but eating cheese curls and watching bad reality TV shows.
But when they actually do the exercise with sincerity and curiosity, they find what I've found time and again: that when we give ourselves the space, depth and self-trust to recognize and honor our true rhythm, that rhythm carries us into an almost effortless flow of action and rest, one that recognizes the true needs of the present moment.
This morning I gratefully experienced that effortless flow as I gave myself over to preparations for the storm. I cancelled a meeting that had been scheduled for weeks as my authentic impulse guided me to do, to free up time for taking care of things I would normally do on Sunday that require electricity. Although a disdainful voice tried to convince me I was shirking my responsibilities and that my cancelling would inconvenience the other person - surely if I just pushed harder I could accommodate both the meeting and the storm preparations! - I trusted the authentic impulse instead. And my meeting partner, who is on the west coast and unaffected by the storm, could not have been more gracious about my request to reschedule.
I went about my tasks at a swift yet unhurried pace. Flowing from one thing to the next without analysis or timekeepking, I even caught the "now would be a good time to vaccuum" wave - which, if you knew how much I dislike vaccuuming, you'd appreciate as the small miracle that it was. And when I close the laptop I will rest in the space of an unplanned afternoon. Who knows what new impulse might arise?
Of course by the time you read this I might be exhausted from bailing water out of my basement and really, really frustrated at the great inconvenience this storm has caused. (Or perhaps despairing at the damage and suffering it might have wrought.) But in this moment I am grateful for the peace I feel, because there was a time when I would have worried myself into a pointless frenzy over the weather forecast. And instead, I now hold an intention to be in harmony with this moment, and to deepen my capacity for releasing resistance to what is.
And perhaps I can even look to Irene as a reflection of my own inner power and ability to move forward with focus and force. I'm inspired by Jean Houston's Facebook post today, which she wrote in reference to the opening weekend of her Mystery School (which is in Irene's path):
"The weather and charged atmosphere inspires flights of thought and practices and action that stun and astonish one and all."
May we each listen to the voice within to guide us to safety, and be willing to be astonished by our own inner power.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Is Your Fear Going Up As The Dow Goes Down?
The other day I was on the phone with a client and the subject of our world’s ongoing economic and financial crisis came up. She told me that a friend of hers had called her, in panic, after last Friday’s precipitous plunge in stock prices. The value of her 401-k account had dropped by a substantial amount and she was awash in fear about her future.
I suspect she was not alone.
Fear is a near-constant companion to many people these days. It’s virtually impossible to stay even remotely connected with current events and not feel a sense of frustration, foreboding or out-and-out panic. And yet, as normal a reaction as fear might be, it is remarkably unhelpful.
I’ve written about this before – in fact, it was the financial market collapse in the fall of 2008 that prompted me to pen my first book, “10 Ways to Find Peace Rather Than Panic (When the World Has Gone a Little Crazy.” But I don’t think the message can be repeated too often, since it’s one that is vitally needed and yet so difficult to embrace. And the message I’m talking about is this: fear cannot solve problems, it can only create them. Every time we allow fear to distort our minds and close our hearts, we move further and further away from the fresh insights that can yield solutions to our challenges. And we move further and further away from the peaceful minds that can create a world where fear does not rule.
And let’s be very clear that, at its core, this crisis is fueled by fear and all of its offspring – competition, greed, denial, gross materialism, the objectification and worship of money, making ourselves right and others wrong... the outgrowths of fear are many and varied. They are also deeply entrenched in our consciousness (and, apparently, in our Congress). And no wonder - our entire economic system is, in a real sense, grounded in fear: the fear of “not enough.” The allocation of scarce resources is the very definition of economics, and “scarce” is but a stone’s throw away from “not enough.” And “not enough” is scary.
Of course any given physical resource is ultimately scarce in that there is a finite amount of it currently available. Yet by focusing only on the scarcity of our material or even human resources – and by failing to perceive the great wealth of our intangible resources, and how they can often meet our true needs without resorting to pillaging our planet - we see a finite number of those resources; we see limitation. Limitation breeds fear of not getting or having enough, and so the scramble to get our share, to get more, begins. Yet in this zero-sum reality that we’ve created, more can only be had at someone else’s expense.
And this fear of “not enough” goes far deeper than our economic theories and policies. It lies at the core of our consciousness: we misperceive ourselves to be separate from each other, from nature, from God or Source or however you name the Life Principle. And that fundamental misperception of our separateness gives rise to an existential fear of aloneness and “not enough-ness.” We may not always be aware of that fear, but we’ve been conditioned by it for so long that it profoundly influences our beliefs, thoughts and actions. It shapes the world we live in.
And I think most of us would agree that the world we live in is in a bit of a shambles.
Which brings me back to the basic message that got me started: Fear got us into this mess; it certainly cannot get us out. The much-repeated Einstein quote is particularly clear on this point: We cannot solve a problem at the level of consciousness that created it. We must lift ourselves out of fear and look at ourselves, and our lives, through new eyes.
But how, exactly, are we to do that? First and foremost, I think we start by being willing to see the truth that fear is making our challenges worse, not better. In these uncertain times we have a responsibility to connect with our innate goodness and creativity and clarity of thinking, and that means we have a responsibility to navigate through fear rather than cave into it. And in the absence of being able to wave a magic wand to make the fear go away, I’d like to suggest some things that can help us on that journey. I’m not offering solutions to our economic crisis. I’m offering ways we can each get our heads above the deep waters of fear so we can breathe, see and think more clearly. So we can find solutions together.
But before I do, let me say that the ways I’m suggesting are simple, and I’m writing them with a light hand. That’s part of the method behind my seeming madness: to bring lightness into a subject that is heavy and laden with fear.
But please do not mistake lightness for inconsequentiality. Just as every choice you make to put down the fork if you’re no longer hungry, when you’re holding an intention to eat mindfully, counts – so does every choice you make to connect with love rather than fear. Every choice, small and large, counts. And with that brief reminder – here are my suggestions for navigating through fear without caving into it:
• Breathe. Deeply and often.
• Get on the floor. No, really. When panic or anxiety begins to make its presence known, it creates a real felt-sense of being ungrounded. So get grounded. And breathe while you’re down there.
• Take a look at your fears. Right in the eye. Put pen to paper (or fingertips to keypad) and write down everything you’re afraid might happen. Just start with, “I’m afraid that…” and make a list. It might include things such as, “I’ll never be able to retire.” “I’ll end up on the streets.” “I’ll get sick and won’t be able to afford health insurance.” Get it all down. (You might feel better already, getting them out of your head and onto paper.) Now challenge each and every one. Ask questions about them such as:
o Is this really true?
o Can I know for certain this will happen?
o What else might be true or possible?
o What resources do I have to deal with this uncertainty, tangible and intangible?
o Do I really want to dwell on this thought? Is it serving me in any way?
• Breathe deeply again. Notice that your heart, your creativity, your humor, your friends and family, your intelligence and resilience are far stronger than your fear. Now burn the list of fears.
• Deepen your connection with your own heart of hearts, and with whatever you know as Source or God or the Life Principle. Spend quiet time in nature, contemplating the enormity and magnificence of the Universe and Life’s insistence on living. Think of grass pushing its way through those tiny cracks in the cement. Think of the Berlin wall falling and communism crumbling in the former Soviet Union. Think of stars and babies being born, day in and day out. Think of your cat purring in your lap.
• Smile.
• Call people you love. Get together with like-minded others and brainstorm – no, heartstorm – possible ways to deal with the challenges you are facing.
• Breathe. Deeply and often.
I realized as I began writing this list that it could go on and on and on; I’ve barely scratched the surface. And that’s a very good thing. Just remembering things I’ve done that have helped me shift from fear to love made me feel lighter with each keystroke. I hope reading them has had the same effect on you. And I hope you’re inspired to create your own list of ways to navigate fear – and that you actually do them. Remember, fear cannot solve problems, it can only create them.
Let me close with a quote from Julia Cameron which, itself, has helped me during times of great fear. You might want to add it to your list:
“There is no circumstance immune to the power of love.”
I suspect she was not alone.
Fear is a near-constant companion to many people these days. It’s virtually impossible to stay even remotely connected with current events and not feel a sense of frustration, foreboding or out-and-out panic. And yet, as normal a reaction as fear might be, it is remarkably unhelpful.
I’ve written about this before – in fact, it was the financial market collapse in the fall of 2008 that prompted me to pen my first book, “10 Ways to Find Peace Rather Than Panic (When the World Has Gone a Little Crazy.” But I don’t think the message can be repeated too often, since it’s one that is vitally needed and yet so difficult to embrace. And the message I’m talking about is this: fear cannot solve problems, it can only create them. Every time we allow fear to distort our minds and close our hearts, we move further and further away from the fresh insights that can yield solutions to our challenges. And we move further and further away from the peaceful minds that can create a world where fear does not rule.
And let’s be very clear that, at its core, this crisis is fueled by fear and all of its offspring – competition, greed, denial, gross materialism, the objectification and worship of money, making ourselves right and others wrong... the outgrowths of fear are many and varied. They are also deeply entrenched in our consciousness (and, apparently, in our Congress). And no wonder - our entire economic system is, in a real sense, grounded in fear: the fear of “not enough.” The allocation of scarce resources is the very definition of economics, and “scarce” is but a stone’s throw away from “not enough.” And “not enough” is scary.
Of course any given physical resource is ultimately scarce in that there is a finite amount of it currently available. Yet by focusing only on the scarcity of our material or even human resources – and by failing to perceive the great wealth of our intangible resources, and how they can often meet our true needs without resorting to pillaging our planet - we see a finite number of those resources; we see limitation. Limitation breeds fear of not getting or having enough, and so the scramble to get our share, to get more, begins. Yet in this zero-sum reality that we’ve created, more can only be had at someone else’s expense.
And this fear of “not enough” goes far deeper than our economic theories and policies. It lies at the core of our consciousness: we misperceive ourselves to be separate from each other, from nature, from God or Source or however you name the Life Principle. And that fundamental misperception of our separateness gives rise to an existential fear of aloneness and “not enough-ness.” We may not always be aware of that fear, but we’ve been conditioned by it for so long that it profoundly influences our beliefs, thoughts and actions. It shapes the world we live in.
And I think most of us would agree that the world we live in is in a bit of a shambles.
Which brings me back to the basic message that got me started: Fear got us into this mess; it certainly cannot get us out. The much-repeated Einstein quote is particularly clear on this point: We cannot solve a problem at the level of consciousness that created it. We must lift ourselves out of fear and look at ourselves, and our lives, through new eyes.
But how, exactly, are we to do that? First and foremost, I think we start by being willing to see the truth that fear is making our challenges worse, not better. In these uncertain times we have a responsibility to connect with our innate goodness and creativity and clarity of thinking, and that means we have a responsibility to navigate through fear rather than cave into it. And in the absence of being able to wave a magic wand to make the fear go away, I’d like to suggest some things that can help us on that journey. I’m not offering solutions to our economic crisis. I’m offering ways we can each get our heads above the deep waters of fear so we can breathe, see and think more clearly. So we can find solutions together.
But before I do, let me say that the ways I’m suggesting are simple, and I’m writing them with a light hand. That’s part of the method behind my seeming madness: to bring lightness into a subject that is heavy and laden with fear.
But please do not mistake lightness for inconsequentiality. Just as every choice you make to put down the fork if you’re no longer hungry, when you’re holding an intention to eat mindfully, counts – so does every choice you make to connect with love rather than fear. Every choice, small and large, counts. And with that brief reminder – here are my suggestions for navigating through fear without caving into it:
• Breathe. Deeply and often.
• Get on the floor. No, really. When panic or anxiety begins to make its presence known, it creates a real felt-sense of being ungrounded. So get grounded. And breathe while you’re down there.
• Take a look at your fears. Right in the eye. Put pen to paper (or fingertips to keypad) and write down everything you’re afraid might happen. Just start with, “I’m afraid that…” and make a list. It might include things such as, “I’ll never be able to retire.” “I’ll end up on the streets.” “I’ll get sick and won’t be able to afford health insurance.” Get it all down. (You might feel better already, getting them out of your head and onto paper.) Now challenge each and every one. Ask questions about them such as:
o Is this really true?
o Can I know for certain this will happen?
o What else might be true or possible?
o What resources do I have to deal with this uncertainty, tangible and intangible?
o Do I really want to dwell on this thought? Is it serving me in any way?
• Breathe deeply again. Notice that your heart, your creativity, your humor, your friends and family, your intelligence and resilience are far stronger than your fear. Now burn the list of fears.
• Deepen your connection with your own heart of hearts, and with whatever you know as Source or God or the Life Principle. Spend quiet time in nature, contemplating the enormity and magnificence of the Universe and Life’s insistence on living. Think of grass pushing its way through those tiny cracks in the cement. Think of the Berlin wall falling and communism crumbling in the former Soviet Union. Think of stars and babies being born, day in and day out. Think of your cat purring in your lap.
• Smile.
• Call people you love. Get together with like-minded others and brainstorm – no, heartstorm – possible ways to deal with the challenges you are facing.
• Breathe. Deeply and often.
I realized as I began writing this list that it could go on and on and on; I’ve barely scratched the surface. And that’s a very good thing. Just remembering things I’ve done that have helped me shift from fear to love made me feel lighter with each keystroke. I hope reading them has had the same effect on you. And I hope you’re inspired to create your own list of ways to navigate fear – and that you actually do them. Remember, fear cannot solve problems, it can only create them.
Let me close with a quote from Julia Cameron which, itself, has helped me during times of great fear. You might want to add it to your list:
“There is no circumstance immune to the power of love.”
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Could Staying in a Job You Hate Be Your Path to Freedom?
Years ago a country song came out with the title, “Take This Job and Shove It!” It seemed to get a lot of airtime – no doubt because many people held a secret fantasy of saying that very thing to their bosses and then walking triumphantly out of the workplace and into their new, wide-open life. A life of freedom. Ah, wouldn’t that feel good?
So it would seem. And in fact, it might actually feel good for a while. Yet if true peace of mind and a sense of freedom are what we want, walking rebelliously away from an undesirable work situation probably won’t give us access to that. And not just because we may have burned a bridge or two by speaking rudely and failing to give proper notice. I’m not talking about the need to extend professional courtesy so that people will still like us enough to refrain from passing along bad references. I’m talking about reclaiming a deep inner sense of our freedom to choose.
Now that’s freedom.
You might be thinking something along the lines of, “But that’s what the guy in the song did – he chose to leave that crummy old job!” And yes, on the surface he did execute his right to choose: he chose to leave. He physically walked out the door. But as the saying goes, “Wherever you go, there you are.” You can change physical location without changing your internal experience of life and “how the world works.” If you walk away from something still harboring resentment toward it for making you miserable, you’re taking that resentment with you. Not to mention the tendency toward resentment, period.
Which isn’t exactly freeing.
A long time ago I heard the phrase, “You can’t really leave something until you love it.” It was just illogical and jarring enough to get my attention. Even though it didn’t make sense to my analytical mind, it somehow made sense to a deeper part of me that recognized it as true without fully understanding it. Since then I’ve had plenty of opportunity to explore it in depth. (And I expect I’ll have plenty more). Here is the crib notes version of what I’ve learned:
The “love” referred to in the phrase isn’t the gooey, sentimental love we associate with, say, Valentine’s Day. Nor is it the protective love a mother feels for her child. It isn’t even the kind regard we may have for a favorite teacher, or the preference we have for milk chocolate rather than dark chocolate. The love spoken of us here is, in a word, acceptance. You cannot leave something until you accept it. (And by the way, you don’t have to like it. You just need to release your attachment to not liking it.)
I like to think of this in terms of energy. Consider the energy of blame, judgment and resentment. Pause and really contemplate how they feel in your body and in your mind. It doesn’t take long to recognize that the energy of judgment and blame is constrictive; it literally tenses us up and closes us down, preventing a full flow of energy in and through our body-mind system. This is the opposite of free. When we are holding judgment we are holding ourselves apart from the creative life force that opens us to the solutions and experiences we are seeking. Which I’ve learned not only from my training and education, but from personal experience.
I remember when I was in the corporate world, I often felt resentment toward the senior executives for making what I felt were truly dreadful decisions. From my perspective they were myopically focused on the bottom line, and the share price, to the detriment of virtually every constituent in the business. I could probably convince you that my point of view was valid; I could offer evidence of their greed and short-sightedness and preoccupation with their annual bonuses. My ego would delight in convincing you of my rightness, and together we could rail against the gross distortions that a relentless pursuit of profit has, not only on our economy, but on our planet’s very ability to sustain life. I certainly wouldn’t be the first to make that point.
But here’s the point I want to make now: railing against something doesn’t actually change it. It only changes us, making us bitter and angry and resigned. In my own experience, it wasn’t until I stopped criticizing senior management and started realizing that this is how things are, that my attention was freed to look more deeply into myself. Instead of thinking, “It shouldn’t be this way!” I could ask, “Given that things are this way right now, what is mine to do?”
In looking inward rather than outward, I rediscovered a deep desire to heal and to teach. And while I tinkered with the idea of bringing healing, in some form, to corporate America, I ultimately chose to honor my heartfelt desire to work directly with women who were struggling, as I had struggled, to find my authentic path. Another person, after giving herself permission to take a time-out from complaining and seek a deeper truth, might discover a real passion for transforming the world of work. Rather than leaving, as I did, she may find a renewed commitment to staying for the purpose of leading real, positive change.
By pausing to step back from our judgments and complaints, we create space. We open ourselves to fresh insights and deeper truths. I’m not saying that what we’re observing, which gives rise to our resentment, isn’t true at a certain level; it’s just that dwelling in resentment itself prevents us from seeing the whole of the situation, our part in it – and our path forward. Acceptance is the only way to access that path.
So where does that leave you, if you dread getting out of bed each morning and count the minutes until Friday at 5:00 p.m.? Am I suggesting that you find a way to like where you are and get over yourself, already? Not at all. But I am suggesting that, before you leave as an act of desperation or revenge – or perhaps even worse, before you resign yourself to a lifeless career devoid of soul nourishment – stop. Take a nice, deep breath. And another. And another.
Set an intention to reach a place of acceptance (not resignation) with the job as it is right now. Get out a piece of paper and write down everything you hate about it. Let yourself feel what you feel without fanning the flames of criticism and resentment. Allow your emotional reaction to wash over you like the tide. And when it recedes, rewrite what you wrote in the language of neutrality: state what is without excessive value judgments. Here are a few examples:
Original complaint: “My boss is an ego-manic!”
Neutral observation: “My boss consistently makes choices based on how they will further her career, without seeming to consider their impact on others.”
Original complaint: “My boss micro-manages everything and it’s driving me crazy. She doesn’t trust me to do things right.”
Neutral observation: “My boss involves herself in virtually everything I do, giving me detailed instructions. She rarely accepts my ideas for doing things differently.”
Original complaint: “This company treats its employees like children!”
Neutral observation: “This company has policies and procedures for so many things, there is almost no room for creativity.”
I think you get the idea. Do your best to strip away character judgments and assumptions about the other person’s intentions; focus on what you can observe. And yes, your observations may include valid intuitive perceptions about underlying motivations – especially those that don’t align with your values. But suspend any tendency to make other people “wrong” or “bad” for acting in what you consider such a misguided way. Be as truthful as you can; don’t exaggerate the company’s ineptitude or your own angelic qualities.
When you’re finished, pause. Let things settle. Then ask yourself, “Given that this is so, what is mine to do?” Don’t rush to find an immediate answer. Give yourself time to meditate, to contemplate , to journal. Ask yourself, “How has this job served me? What qualities is it helping me cultivate? What is it showing me about myself that I most need to see and understand?” Again, don’t answer these questions the way you would check items off your to-do list. Really go deep within yourself, to your heart of hearts, and listen for the answers.
If you do this with sincerity, something will shift within you. It may not be huge, but it will be an opening into which new life can breathe. And then expand. Keep holding the intention for acceptance, until you can say with peaceful certainty, “Now is the time to leave,” or “I choose to stay here for now.”
And just notice how free you feel inside.
So it would seem. And in fact, it might actually feel good for a while. Yet if true peace of mind and a sense of freedom are what we want, walking rebelliously away from an undesirable work situation probably won’t give us access to that. And not just because we may have burned a bridge or two by speaking rudely and failing to give proper notice. I’m not talking about the need to extend professional courtesy so that people will still like us enough to refrain from passing along bad references. I’m talking about reclaiming a deep inner sense of our freedom to choose.
Now that’s freedom.
You might be thinking something along the lines of, “But that’s what the guy in the song did – he chose to leave that crummy old job!” And yes, on the surface he did execute his right to choose: he chose to leave. He physically walked out the door. But as the saying goes, “Wherever you go, there you are.” You can change physical location without changing your internal experience of life and “how the world works.” If you walk away from something still harboring resentment toward it for making you miserable, you’re taking that resentment with you. Not to mention the tendency toward resentment, period.
Which isn’t exactly freeing.
A long time ago I heard the phrase, “You can’t really leave something until you love it.” It was just illogical and jarring enough to get my attention. Even though it didn’t make sense to my analytical mind, it somehow made sense to a deeper part of me that recognized it as true without fully understanding it. Since then I’ve had plenty of opportunity to explore it in depth. (And I expect I’ll have plenty more). Here is the crib notes version of what I’ve learned:
The “love” referred to in the phrase isn’t the gooey, sentimental love we associate with, say, Valentine’s Day. Nor is it the protective love a mother feels for her child. It isn’t even the kind regard we may have for a favorite teacher, or the preference we have for milk chocolate rather than dark chocolate. The love spoken of us here is, in a word, acceptance. You cannot leave something until you accept it. (And by the way, you don’t have to like it. You just need to release your attachment to not liking it.)
I like to think of this in terms of energy. Consider the energy of blame, judgment and resentment. Pause and really contemplate how they feel in your body and in your mind. It doesn’t take long to recognize that the energy of judgment and blame is constrictive; it literally tenses us up and closes us down, preventing a full flow of energy in and through our body-mind system. This is the opposite of free. When we are holding judgment we are holding ourselves apart from the creative life force that opens us to the solutions and experiences we are seeking. Which I’ve learned not only from my training and education, but from personal experience.
I remember when I was in the corporate world, I often felt resentment toward the senior executives for making what I felt were truly dreadful decisions. From my perspective they were myopically focused on the bottom line, and the share price, to the detriment of virtually every constituent in the business. I could probably convince you that my point of view was valid; I could offer evidence of their greed and short-sightedness and preoccupation with their annual bonuses. My ego would delight in convincing you of my rightness, and together we could rail against the gross distortions that a relentless pursuit of profit has, not only on our economy, but on our planet’s very ability to sustain life. I certainly wouldn’t be the first to make that point.
But here’s the point I want to make now: railing against something doesn’t actually change it. It only changes us, making us bitter and angry and resigned. In my own experience, it wasn’t until I stopped criticizing senior management and started realizing that this is how things are, that my attention was freed to look more deeply into myself. Instead of thinking, “It shouldn’t be this way!” I could ask, “Given that things are this way right now, what is mine to do?”
In looking inward rather than outward, I rediscovered a deep desire to heal and to teach. And while I tinkered with the idea of bringing healing, in some form, to corporate America, I ultimately chose to honor my heartfelt desire to work directly with women who were struggling, as I had struggled, to find my authentic path. Another person, after giving herself permission to take a time-out from complaining and seek a deeper truth, might discover a real passion for transforming the world of work. Rather than leaving, as I did, she may find a renewed commitment to staying for the purpose of leading real, positive change.
By pausing to step back from our judgments and complaints, we create space. We open ourselves to fresh insights and deeper truths. I’m not saying that what we’re observing, which gives rise to our resentment, isn’t true at a certain level; it’s just that dwelling in resentment itself prevents us from seeing the whole of the situation, our part in it – and our path forward. Acceptance is the only way to access that path.
So where does that leave you, if you dread getting out of bed each morning and count the minutes until Friday at 5:00 p.m.? Am I suggesting that you find a way to like where you are and get over yourself, already? Not at all. But I am suggesting that, before you leave as an act of desperation or revenge – or perhaps even worse, before you resign yourself to a lifeless career devoid of soul nourishment – stop. Take a nice, deep breath. And another. And another.
Set an intention to reach a place of acceptance (not resignation) with the job as it is right now. Get out a piece of paper and write down everything you hate about it. Let yourself feel what you feel without fanning the flames of criticism and resentment. Allow your emotional reaction to wash over you like the tide. And when it recedes, rewrite what you wrote in the language of neutrality: state what is without excessive value judgments. Here are a few examples:
Original complaint: “My boss is an ego-manic!”
Neutral observation: “My boss consistently makes choices based on how they will further her career, without seeming to consider their impact on others.”
Original complaint: “My boss micro-manages everything and it’s driving me crazy. She doesn’t trust me to do things right.”
Neutral observation: “My boss involves herself in virtually everything I do, giving me detailed instructions. She rarely accepts my ideas for doing things differently.”
Original complaint: “This company treats its employees like children!”
Neutral observation: “This company has policies and procedures for so many things, there is almost no room for creativity.”
I think you get the idea. Do your best to strip away character judgments and assumptions about the other person’s intentions; focus on what you can observe. And yes, your observations may include valid intuitive perceptions about underlying motivations – especially those that don’t align with your values. But suspend any tendency to make other people “wrong” or “bad” for acting in what you consider such a misguided way. Be as truthful as you can; don’t exaggerate the company’s ineptitude or your own angelic qualities.
When you’re finished, pause. Let things settle. Then ask yourself, “Given that this is so, what is mine to do?” Don’t rush to find an immediate answer. Give yourself time to meditate, to contemplate , to journal. Ask yourself, “How has this job served me? What qualities is it helping me cultivate? What is it showing me about myself that I most need to see and understand?” Again, don’t answer these questions the way you would check items off your to-do list. Really go deep within yourself, to your heart of hearts, and listen for the answers.
If you do this with sincerity, something will shift within you. It may not be huge, but it will be an opening into which new life can breathe. And then expand. Keep holding the intention for acceptance, until you can say with peaceful certainty, “Now is the time to leave,” or “I choose to stay here for now.”
And just notice how free you feel inside.
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