Ode to the Easy Button

Here I sit, staring once again at a blank screen and wondering what I can share with you that might be helpful, illuminating or uplifting. The screen stares back, mutely. I shift positions in my chair, then look out the window. It’s such a gorgeous, almost-spring day and I begin to daydream about my upcoming trip to the beach. I look back at the computer screen.


It’s still blank.

So I get up and drink a glass of water and then slather moisturizer on my hands. (I just can’t type with dry hands.) I sit back down again and cast around in my mind for inspiring or thought-provoking perspectives on the journey of creating a deeply fulfilling life. Let’s see…what are the teachings and suggestions my clients find most helpful?

My mind seems as blank as the screen.

I let my gaze drift and it lands on a small object that sits in an honored spot next to my computer: my Easy button from Staples. There it is, all bright and shiny and compact, with the word “EASY” in cheerful white letters across the top. I tap it so I can hear the words, “That was easy!” spoken with the confidence and enthusiasm I want to feel. I tap it again and can’t help but chuckle. Okay, one more time…funnier still. I love my Easy button!

And I realize this seemingly silly toy has done exactly what I wanted it to do: it’s helped me relax and remember that life isn’t really as hard and serious as my small self would have me believe. Which, it so happens, is one of the teachings I offer that my clients find most helpful. Now, isn’t that convenient?

So let me tell you about the Easy button. A friend of mine told me that a friend of hers, who lives in Texas, gives Staples Easy buttons as gifts to her students and clients, which I thought was brilliant. I immediately ordered 20 of them so I could do the same for my clients and students. And naturally, I gave one to myself. I intentionally placed it next to my computer because I do a lot of my work here and I am enthusiastically committed to my work being fun and, dare I day – easy. (Not boring or mindless, but without struggle.)

As I know so well, our intention and attention are powerfully creative: what we choose to focus on is what expands in our lives. My intention is clear: I desire an ever-greater sense of ease. The next step is to practice focusing my attention on the experience of ease in my life. That’s where the Easy button comes in.

So…any and every time I complete something quickly or easily, I hit the Easy button. Any time I get interrupted and find myself able to get right back into what I was doing, I hit the Easy button. Any time an email or call comes in with a message that inspires me or brings a needed solution to a challenge, I hit the Easy button. Every time I check something off my to-do list, I hit the Easy button. Every time I meet a deadline, I hit the Easy button.

I’ve started making a game of looking for any and every excuse to tap the Easy button and hear that cheerful voice. Sometimes I hit it when I want something to be easy. Sometimes it gets a tap when I’ve taken a really nice, deep breath that relaxes me. Sometimes I treat myself to “That was easy!” when something completely unrelated to my work goes well, such as giving my cat his insulin shot without his throwing me a dirty look.

And sometimes I tap it when I have writer’s block.

Just looking at it makes me smile, most of the time. It serves as a friendly reminder to lighten up, to relax, to laugh and have fun. That’s the special charm of the Easy button: it not only helps me focus my attention where I want to focus it – on ease - it does so in a light-hearted way. And that lightness of heart is so essential to a life of grace and flow, which is the kind of life I want to live.

The kind of life I want to live…that brings us back to intention. If you’d love to experience greater ease and flow in your life, begin by intending it. Keep your intention light – just acknowledge that ease is important and desirable and you want more of it. Then begin looking for anything and everything that feels easy or smooth or pleasurable, and let yourself pause to appreciate the ease in that moment. Take a nice deep breath. See if you can coax your mouth into a genuine smile.

Rinse and repeat. (No, wait, forget the rinse. Just keep repeating!)

You may be surprised at how quickly you begin to experience greater ease and flow in your life. Keep being willing to be surprised! See how easy you can allow things to be. Notice the new spiral you’re on: the easier it gets…the easier it gets. And you created it with your intention and your willingness to focus on ease. (Feel free to get a little assistance from the Easy button. I highly recommend it!)

And then imagine what else you can create with your intention and attention. Be creative and deliberate in your choices! Dare to name the experiences you wish to have. Imagine the most liberating, joy-filled life you can. What is it like? How do you feel in that life? What qualities are present?

Start your list: peace, passion, humor, grace, ease, inspiration, focus, respect, celebration, delight, radiance, vibrant health, joy, making a difference, having fun…the possibilities are endless. Choose what resonates deeply with you and just decide it’s important and you want more of it. Then practice focusing your attention on where it already exists, and pause to acknowledge and celebrate its appearance in your life every time. And hey, if you want to create a “Joy” or “Fun” button – go for it!

And let me know what happens. I’m always looking for inspiring things to write about.

Okay, I think I’m done here. Wow… that was easy.

This Changes Everything

If you’ve been reading my recent blog posts you may have noticed that I’ve been focusing a lot on self-love. It’s a subject that is near and dear to my heart because it’s central to my work in helping people create lives they truly love. As I often say, in order to create lives we love, we must let love lead. How could it be otherwise?


And the love that can lead each of us to fulfillment is our own love – a love that arises from the core of our being. This love recognizes our worthiness and magnificence and wants nothing more than to share it with the world in our own unique and joyful way.

Sounds good, doesn’t it?

I thought so, too. I’ve been doing this work for a while now, and I thought I understood the importance of self-love a long time ago. Yet I see now that it was more of an intellectual understanding than an actual knowing. As my life and work have evolved, the realization that self-love is central to the quality of our lived experience – and to the fulfillment of our potential – has deepened and expanded so much, it’s as if I’m having a fresh “Aha!” moment all over again. (And I love “Aha!” moments.)

I’m reminded of something a well-known physicist once said about a then-recent discovery in quantum physics. He said that if, upon learning of the discovery, your mind wasn’t completely blown away, you couldn’t possibly have grasped its implications. That’s how I feel now about understanding self-love, not as a concept but as a truth: it’s mind-blowing and life-altering.

And as luck and synchronicity would have it, I stumbled upon an awe-inspiring validation of this truth just as I was pulling together my thoughts for last Saturday’s workshop on the art and power of self-love. The title of the book is Dying to Be Me, and it is written by a woman named Anita Moorjani. Anita lived for four years with lymphoma that got progressively worse regardless of the myriad treatments she tried. By the time she was rushed to the hospital in a coma, she had multiple tumors the size of lemons from her neck all the way down to her abdomen; her body had been unable for some time to take in nourishment from food and so was eating away at itself, leaving her barely more than a skeleton; she could not walk or even breathe on her own. At the hospital it was determined that her organs were shutting down and she had only hours to live.

I’ll cut to the good part: she lived well beyond those few hours (six years and counting). But she did have what is referred to as a near death experience (NDE) so astonishing that, not only did it forever change her understanding of who we are and why we’re here in this physical realm, it completely healed her of all cancer…in days. It was a true miracle by the conventional standards of medical care.

During her NDE she was in a realm of consciousness that opened her to the greatest clarity and understanding of universal truths she had ever known; as she tells it, words can barely approximate the enormity of the experience. Yet what she writes is eloquent, electrifying, inspiring, joyful and comforting all at once. Obviously I’m not going to detail her experience here, although I hope you’ll read her book. But I am going to share with you one of her most startling revelations: it was self-love that healed her of cancer. Here is an excerpt from the book where she first offers this mind-blowing truth:

“It’s all very well for me to talk about healing after I’ve experienced it, or for me to tell you to just trust and let go, letting the flow of life take over; but when you’re going through a really low period, it’s difficult to do – or even know where to begin. However, I think the answer is simpler than it seems, and it’s one of the best-kept secrets of our time: the importance of self-love. You may frown or cringe at the thought, but I can’t stress enough how important it is to cultivate a deep love affair with yourself.

I don’t recall ever being encouraged to cherish myself – in fact, it would never even have occurred to me to do so. It’s commonly thought of as being selfish. But my NDE allowed me to realize that this was the key to my healing.” (my emphasis) - p. 138

Further in the book she talks about how essential it is to nurture our own souls, to take care of our needs and not put ourselves last all the time. It’s about learning to listen deeply to the wisdom within and treat ourselves with the utmost kindness and respect. And I love her bold assertion, quoted above, that we need to have a deep love affair with ourselves. I couldn’t agree more.

For me Anita has articulated an essential truth. After years of working with clients who come to me for support in creating lives they truly love – and after years of living with that same intention myself - I’ve recognized that creating a life we love is only possible when we genuinely love ourselves, first and always.

Without a generative, life-giving core of self-love, anything we do – whether it’s writing an impressive resume or perfecting our golf swing or taking care of an elderly parent or crafting an inviting profile for Match.com – will have what is essentially a hidden agenda. In the absence of genuine self-love, our actions are fundamentally driven by an unconscious need for proof - proof of our lovability, proof of our very worthiness. Whether we’re trying to improve ourselves to meet an external standard of perfection, or working to prove that our talents and skills have earned us the right for some kind of reward, or actively seeking approval from others, we’re looking outside of ourselves for something that already exists within us: our innate worth.

When we hold an intention for genuine self-love, we turn inward and open ourselves to see and feel and know our worthiness. And as we get to know ourselves as inherently worthy and, dare I say, magnificent, our lives begin to change. We begin living from the inside-out rather than the outside-in; we recognize the tremendous value of our unique talents and longings, not only to ourselves but to others; and we become more grounded, trusting and authentically generous since we’re giving from a sense of fullness rather than one of lack.

That is the paradox of genuine self-love. In its absence we become selfish and needy; in its presence we are loving and generous. It’s the ultimate win-win.

And the good news is, self-love is an intention we can declare and cultivate. So let’s do it. I hope you remember the Eyes of Love journal I talked about in the December issue, and the vital importance of soothing yourself I wrote about last month. If you haven’t explored them yet, now would be the perfect time. Learning to disempower our usual voices of self-doubt and self-criticism is essential to cultivating self-love, and it takes some practice – but the good news is, in this case the practice is fun because feeling good is what it’s all about!

Here’s something else you can explore as a means of aligning with your intention for self-love. Set aside some quiet time – it needn’t be a lot, but at least 15 minutes – and sit down with your journal or notebook and a pen. Take some deep, gentle breaths and invite yourself to become fully present in your body, in this moment. Then pick up your pen and write each of the following statements, very slowly. Pause after each one and take note of how you feel about it. Here they are:

I listen to myself.

I respect myself.

I trust myself.

I appreciate myself.

I honor myself.

I celebrate myself.

I cherish myself.

I have compassion for myself.

I am kind to myself.

I speak my truth.

Notice which statements you feel connected with and which you do not. See if one or two have a particular charge for you, in the sense that they seem foreign, false or even offensive. That’s where your juice is. Write down the word again (e.g., cherish,, respect, compassion, etc.)

Take a few more deep breaths and give your pen to the Wise Self within you. Ask, "How can I cultivate this particular aspect of self-love in my life?" Then just start writing, without censoring, and be willing to be surprised. Choose at least one thing you came up with that you're willing to commit to, right now.

Congratulations! You’ve just set a new intention that fortifies your intention for self-love. Get ready for your life to change. Because here is a little-known truth that Anita affirms so eloquently in her book: the kinder you are to yourself, the kinder the world is to you. Really.

I’ll say it again.

The kinder you are to yourself, the kinder the world is to you.

Try it and see what happens.

Be willing to explore this, full-out. Dare to commit to deepening your own experience of genuine self-love. It has the power to ignite your life in unimaginable ways.

Just ask Anita.

How to Be Your Own Valentine

It’s that time of year again – February, with its own special holiday to celebrate love. And whether or not you have a certain someone in your life who is your Valentine, let me suggest something a little different. This year, vow to be your own Valentine. Decide that no one is more deserving of your respect, kindness and enthusiastic support than you, and get creative about cultivating and expressing those qualities toward yourself.


In other words…love yourself. Completely, courageously and unconditionally.

If you think that sounds self-absorbed, sappy or just plain selfish, let me assure you that nothing could be further from the truth. I have had the privilege of working with countless talented, passionate, giving and highly motivated people over the years, and through that work a simple and stunning truth has been revealed to me:

Genuine self-love is the foundation of true success, generosity and fulfillment.

Take a minute to really let that sink in. Feel the truth of it in your heart of hearts, in your bones and in every cell of your body.

Genuine self-love is the foundation of true success, generosity and fulfillment.

It’s true. Yet many of us have been conditioned to view ourselves with skepticism or even suspicion. We don’t trust ourselves to make healthy choices, we fixate on our mistakes and shortcomings, and we keep striving to prove our worthiness in the workplace and in our families and communities. Self-doubt and self-criticism run rampant, often masquerading as “objectivity.” We’ve somehow come to believe that focusing on our perceived flaws and shortcomings is the adult, responsible thing to do. But if you step back and really think about it, you’ll see how utterly impossible it is to doubt or criticize yourself to success and fulfillment. It simply can’t be done.

We must learn instead to love ourselves to success and fulfillment. And contrary to popular belief, genuine self-love is neither selfish nor delusional; it is honest, expansive, kind and generous. Self-love is all about learning to recognize and celebrate our many talents, skills and passions. It is about soothing and supporting ourselves when we feel challenged. It is about daring to trust, honor and empower our deepest truths.

And the good news is, genuine self-love is an intention we can choose to consciously declare and nourish.

In the December 2011 issue of this magazine I shared with you one of my favorite practices for cultivating authentic self-love, which I call the Eyes of Love journal. This month, in celebration of Valentine’s Day, I’d like to offer another simple way to begin translating the concept of self-love into your lived experience: self-soothing.

First let me say that we are never too old to soothe ourselves. That would be like saying we’re too old for kindness. Yet, somehow, we’ve come to believe that responsible adults shouldn’t need soothing. We think we have to be tough on ourselves, to “suck it up and get the job done” and whip ourselves into shape with stern reprimands when we fail to meet our objectives. The idea of soothing ourselves seems akin to treating ourselves like babies.

Well, guess what? Treating ourselves like babies – like precious beings of life and light that require tenderness and care – works like a charm. There are a number of reasons why this is true, but the one I want to draw attention to is this: what we focus on is what expands in our lives. When we take the time to recognize, honor and empower what is alive and sweet and passionate within us, we expand our aliveness, our sweetness and our passion. We begin to flourish, just as any life form flourishes when given the proper attention and care. Being kind to ourselves is like watering a parched plant rather than yelling at it to learn how to “take” the heat of the sun.

Of course there are times we need to be lovingly firm with ourselves – that’s a subject for another time. For now let’s explore the art of self-soothing as a way to cultivate genuine self-love.

The intention of self-soothing is to release judgment and offer a fresh perspective that is loving and supportive. Self-soothing is looking for the kernels of deep truth that affirm our highest qualities while acknowledging our tender places. It is about relaxing into acceptance of what is, without resistance, while maintaining a spirit of possibility.

It is about being your own best friend, one who loves and cherishes you. Your own special Valentine.

Here’s how it works. When things aren’t going the way you wanted or planned, and your mind begins telling stories about how dire things are and how poorly equipped you are to handle them – STOP. You may have worked up quite a head of steam with this story but, as soon as you become aware that you’re making yourself feel worse rather than better…just stop. Take some nice, relaxing breaths.

Simply decide, then and there, that you will not speak to yourself that way. Wrap your actual or metaphorical arms around yourself in a loving hug, and consciously look for a deeper truth about what’s going on – and about you - that is soothing, comforting or even inspiring.

Here are a few examples that might be helpful:

Your fearful or judgmental story: “I can’t believe I ate all that junk food last night; I feel terrible this morning. I just can’t seem to get it together with my eating habits. I’d better go back on that strict diet I tried last year but gave up on too soon.”

Your soothing reminder: “It’s actually good that I don’t feel good about what I ate. That’s my body’s way of telling me that it’s time to make some shifts. This time I’m going to look for a new approach.”

Your fearful or judgmental story: “I still haven’t received payment from my client for that invoice I sent two months ago. It figures, that was the biggest single invoice I’ve ever issued. I wonder if I overcharged? It doesn’t matter. They’re probably on the verge of bankruptcy and I’ll never see a penny.”

Your soothing reminder: “I need to call the client and remind them that payment is now past due. This is good practice for me, speaking up to request payment, since I want to feel comfortable dealing with larger amounts of money. It’s helping me become very clear about the value of my services.”

Your fearful or judgmental story: “It’s been almost three years since I realized I didn’t like the work I’m doing, and here I am, still at the same company and still miserable. Why can’t I get myself unstuck? Maybe I just don’t have what it takes to live a really fabulous life. I’m not a risk-taker.”

Your soothing reminder: “It’s far better to give myself time to get comfortable with taking a big step like leaving my job, rather than forcing myself to do it and just hoping it will all work out. It’s good not to overreact and jump ship just because I don’t like something. And today is a new day. I wonder how I can get myself more comfortable with the idea of creating work I truly love?”

Notice that self-soothing is not the same thing as justifying behavior we know isn’t serving us, or blaming others for our unhappiness. In the first example, self-justifying might have sounded something like, “Well, it’s no wonder I ate so much! Mary kept piling those nachos on my plate and she wouldn’t take no for an answer!” In the second example, it would have been easy to simply wallow in blame: “They’ve been difficult to deal with all along. I’m not surprised they don’t have the professional courtesy to pay on time!” In the third example, self-justification and blame might have taken a turn like this: “They pile so much work on me, I barely have time to get the basics of life handled, much less look for a new job!”

I’m not saying that the self-justifying statements are false; at a surface level they are, perhaps, true. It’s just that they’re not helpful. True or not, those kinds of thoughts do not empower us. And how can we love ourselves fully if we don’t empower ourselves to create lives we love?

That is why soothing is not “babying.” It is empowering. It liberates us from the kind of thinking that keeps us small and stuck, paving the way for possibility and inspiration. It softens us, and in that softening we open to new ways of thinking and acting. Fundamentally it feels good, and feeling good matters. Feeling good matters because you matter.

And isn’t that what a true Valentine would remind you? Of course! But don’t wait to hear that from someone else; say it to yourself and back it up with your thoughts and actions. Practice self-soothing every chance you get, and keep writing in that Eyes of Love journal. Before you know it, your heart will open and your spirit will soar and you will be in love with Life. Your life.

Happy Valentine’s Day!



Copyright © 2012

Suzanne E. Eder

Themes, Dreams and "Just Saying No" to Resolutions

You know what I love about the New Year? I love the “New” part. I love the sense of possibility and expansion that an unfilled calendar inspires. I love the reminder to step back and look with fresh eyes at my life and how I want to live it. I love the thought of new ideas, new experiences and new avenues of creative expression. And I love knowing I have a whole year to create them.


I’ve spent a lot of time, energy and attention in my personal and professional life on the creative process. I believe it to be fundamental to our very nature and reason for being: we are creators, and the act of creating calls Life to pulse through us, enlivening and fulfilling us. Our intentions give shape and direction to the flow of Life, and our attention increases its power and velocity.

And of course, our intentions ultimately generate results or outcomes in the manifest world, which is where most of us focus our attention as a New Year rolls in: we set resolutions to achieve specific goals, thinking that the achievement of the goal will make us happy. It’s easy to lose sight of the deeper truth that happiness is a state of being. It arises not from a static achievement, but from the quality we bring to the creation of it.

Happiness, contentment, joy – they’re vibrations. The fundamental nature of this universe is vibrational: everything is energy, and energies of like frequencies resonate with each other. So as we vibrate…we attract and create. This is a modern way of saying what every great spiritual tradition has told us, which is that Being – pure vibration – is primary. Anything we think, say or do flows from our state of Being, our vibration. It cannot be otherwise.

Yet we have, for the most part, lost our sensitivity to these subtle vibrations. We’ve come to rely on the gross perceptions of our senses, and from that perspective it is the results that count because they can be seen, heard, felt, touched or tasted. And so we have become focused on generating results, believing the results to be the only thing that matters.

And of course results do matter – but what matters more is knowing how to create them in harmony with our inherent nature and design as vibrational beings. When we focus exclusively on results, we can inadvertently create measurable but temporary success while compromising, or even damaging, our ability to create.

A simple example of this is the much-overused resolution to lose weight, and specifically to reach a certain number on the scale. It is quite possible, from what I’ve read in fashion magazines, to lose weight by smoking incessantly and ingesting nothing but water and champagne. You could achieve a really low number on the scale that way, and feel smugly successful. But you would have compromised your very health and vitality in doing so.

A far better resolution would be to focus on creating vibrant health, which is a state of being. When that is your declared intention, it serves as a compass that nudges you to choose in ways that align with it. And as you become healthier – as you vibrate on the “vibrant health” frequency – those choices become easier and easier to make. And it gets even better. When you’re on that frequency, you begin synchronistically attracting new ideas and opportunities to sustain it, so you feel supported. Like attracts like.

It’s really a much more elegant system than our usual habit of setting specific goals and then beating ourselves into submission until we reach them. Using the vibrational power of our intention, and the magnifying power of our attention, we lift ourselves to the frequency that matches the kind of results we want. And without attachment to a specific result, we are open to attracting something even better than our small minds could have imagined when setting the goal.

Let me share a wonderful real-life example of this phenomenon. A friend of mine is currently separated from her husband. Their relationship is amicable yet both agreed it would be better to live apart. She could have set a goal to find an affordable place to live by a certain date. But instead, she declared an intention for freedom and joy. She made it a point to open her heart and appreciate all that was good and wonderful in her life as it was, and paid attention to the subtle inner signals that were calling her in a particular direction.

One such impulse was to apply for a one-month residency in a program for artists. She was told the program was closed, but on the strength of her intuition she applied anyway. She was not only awarded a coveted spot in the program, she was offered a full year residency which would begin after the one-month program. So instead of simply achieving a goal of finding a temporary place to live, her inner artist realized an unspoken dream to devote a full, luxurious year to her art.

How’s that for elegant and harmonious?

Now, I’ll be the first to admit that it takes a bit of practice to untangle ourselves from our old outcome-focused ways and learn to trust in the basic flow of Life. But what could be more worthwhile? Let me help you get started, or support you in fine-tuning your commitment to this way of being, with a few simple suggestions:

• Think in terms of themes or states of being rather than outcomes. You can certainly start with what you believe are desired outcomes, but take it to the next level by asking: “What is the state of being I think this outcome will generate?” Here are a few examples:

Outcome: Lose xx pounds

States of Being: Vibrant health, fluidity of movement

Outcome: Find a job I love

States of Being: Making a positive contribution, feeling respected & appreciated

Outcome: Make $$ per year

States of Being: Peaceful, safe, generous, prosperous

Or you could just go straight for the desired states of being, as my friend did, such as freedom, joy, humor, lightness, etc.

• Quiet your mind and listen to your heart of hearts as you narrow the list of desired states of being to two or three; name these as your theme(s) for the year. (And if you’re the artistic type, you may want to create something visual to capture your theme that you can display where you’ll see it often.)

• Intend to increase your awareness of these qualities wherever and whenever they show up in your life. Acknowledge and celebrate every moment or experience where your desired states of being make their presence known. (Remember, your attention magnifies and expands what you are focusing on.)

• When you have specific, conscious choices to make, ask which choice is closest to the vibrational frequency of your desired states of being.

• Pay attention to your inner energy and impulses; might they be pointing to new ideas and opportunities?

• Set aside time each day to quiet your mind and open yourself to the inner Wise One for guidance.

Relax into this as much as you can and intend for it to be easier than you could have imagined. In fact, challenge yourself to hold it lightly and have some fun with it. Heaviness and seriousness are extremely overrated; bringing a light touch to this process reduces resistance and invites a greater flow of energy. And a greater flow of energy really brings the New into your New Year.

So celebrate yet another opportunity to start fresh, lift your vibration and come into greater alignment with the flow of Life. It’s a lot more fun than recycling those tired old goal-centered resolutions.

And who knows what Life might have in store for you? You could end up fulfilling a long-held dream.



Copyright © 2011

Suzanne E. Eder

Seeing Through the Eyes of Love

Imagine that, after recognizing your spark for living a passionate life has been withering inside of you, you’ve finally given yourself permission to start something you’ve wanted to do for a long time, something that really matters to you. It’s a nudge from your soul you can no longer ignore, and you’re tingling with anticipation. Maybe the art class you’ve longed to take is being offered close to your home, or you’re fired up to start training for a half-marathon, or you’ve been harboring an idea for a new business you know in your heart of hearts will succeed.


You begin taking your first tentative steps…then you’re walloped with an avalanche of harsh criticism from everyone close to you: your partner, your mother, your women’s circle, even your best friend. They’re aghast at your naïveté, sure that you’re making a big mistake and speaking to you in no uncertain terms about the risks of your undertaking. They’re convinced you just don’t have what it takes. Every time you mention your dream, they overpower you with their alarming prophecies of failure. They’re very convincing, relying as they are on statistics and stories they’ve heard of other people’s bad experiences – maybe even their own – and the immutable logic of how your family will suffer if you take this on.

You start seeing things their way. “Good God, what was I thinking?” you mutter to yourself, incredulous that you could have entertained such a ridiculous notion. You sigh, then shove your dream into the recycling bin. And you get back to your real life, the one that’s lacking a certain zest but is at least safe and manageable.

And you wither a little more on the inside.

Time and again my clients have this soul-crushing experience. Except the naysayers are not people outside of them (although occasionally they are). It turns out that the most potent voices of criticism and negativity arise from within, and they’re every bit as damning and paralyzing as anything our nearest and dearest could say to us. We stop ourselves before we ever really get started, practiced as we are at focusing on what could go wrong and lamenting all the inner and outer resources we seem to be lacking.

We could ask ourselves why we’re so practiced at self-judgment – and the conversation could be illuminating! – yet the “why” is really outside the scope of this article. And in truth, spending a lot of time trying to figure out why we sabotage ourselves can often, itself, be another delay tactic. The important thing to recognize is that we’ve formed habits of thinking and habits of focusing our attention that are not aligned with our innate creativity, brilliance and passion.

So we need to learn new habits. And I want to tell you about one that I have found to be powerfully life-changing. I call it the Eyes of Love journal, and the very purpose of keeping this journal is to help you cultivate a loving and wise voice that supports your dreams and affirms your worthiness and talent in pursuing them.

The Eyes of Love journal is different from a gratitude journal, although expressions of gratitude are of course welcome. This journal is for recognition, acknowledgment, appreciation and celebration – of you and all of your amazing qualities. Especially the qualities that your dreams are calling you to cultivate.

Here is the basic idea. On a regular basis – ideally every day but at least weekly – sit down in a quiet space with your journal and pen. Consider the past day or week and ask your Wise and Loving Self to show you how your experiences during that time look through her eyes. Specifically ask to recognize things you can really appreciate about yourself, things you can genuinely honor and congratulate yourself for, no matter how large or small.

This is not about pumping up your ego and pointing out all the ways you are better than others. (The Eyes of Love journal is all about you, not about anyone else – except to the extent that they reflect, validate or affirm something in you that you value.) This is about intentionally connecting with the part of you who longs for a fulfilled life and knows you’re worthy of living one, and giving her a voice. It’s about cultivating a habit of thinking and focusing your attention in a way that supports your dreams rather than denying them.

If you’re like a lot of people with whom I’ve worked, you may be attracted to this idea - but speaking to and about yourself in this way is so foreign to you, you don’t quite know what to say. So here are a few ideas to get you started:

• You can write in the first or second person, whichever feels more intimate and real to you. If you write in the second person, try using the format of a letter, such as “Dear Brenda, It’s so good to connect with you! I wanted to tell you what a great job you did on…”

• Ask yourself these questions to stimulate your thinking:

• What went really well for me yesterday, and what part did I play in that?

• What are the qualities I think are important for the life I want to live (e.g., confidence, clarity, creativity, humor, focus, kindness, perseverance, self-trust, etc.)? How might I have demonstrated any of those qualities yesterday?

• What compliments, validation or expressions of appreciation did I receive from others? (Then let yourself take a minute to really feel the truth of those comments.)

• What did I accomplish that I feel really good about?

• When did I experience joy or happiness or deep contentment? How did I create that experience? (Remember that being open to receive is something to note and appreciate!)

• If the day was a challenging one, look for any new awareness or insight the challenges generated, and also see if you can name several inner or outer resources that are available to help with the challenges.

You may want to begin and end each entry with a personal affirmation that genuinely resonates with you, such as “I have what it takes to succeed” or “I am worthy of being fully supported in doing the work I love” or “I am lovingly guided to make healthy and prosperous choices.”

Again, nothing is too small or too large to be captured in the Eyes of Love journal. In fact, the more ”small” or specific you can be, the more real this becomes for you. You might write things such as, “I love the outfit I put together yesterday – I got so many compliments on it!” or “I am so pleased that I maintained my sense of humor during that difficult conversation with my son…” or “When Tom said he really wants to work with me because our businesses are successful and growing, I realized he’s seeing me the way I want to see myself.”

You get the idea. Oh, and although I think this is obvious, let me say it, anyway: this is not a journal for complaining or worrying or dissecting a difficult conversation or venting your feelings. More often than not, that type of journaling devolves into some form of negativity or judgment or perhaps feelings of righteousness or resignation – the old conditioning takes over and you’re seeing and writing about things through a lens of “what’s wrong” or “what’s missing.” The whole point of this journal is to see with fresh eyes – the eyes of love – and to condition yourself to focus in ways that strengthen and expand your capacity for joy.

Are you in? Okay, then let me give you a specific challenge: write in your Eyes of Love journal for 30 days in a row, then see how you feel. Just commit to doing it, and don’t miss a day. After the 30 days you’ll probably want to continue daily, but don’t turn this into a rigid task. (Most people find it’s something they genuinely look forward to doing.) Find your right frequency and rhythm, but find a way to keep it going after the 30 days.

And let me know what happens. I’m willing to bet that, if you take this on with genuine willingness and commitment, you will feel stronger, more confident and self-loving than you have ever felt. You will notice that your life is flowing with greater ease and joy. You will begin to feel that you really do have what it takes to follow your dreams.

And you will be right.

Reality: Some DIS-Assembly Required

The following is a blog post written by author and teacher Lola Jones, which I'm reprinting with her permission. See more of Lola's blogs at www.divineopenings.com. Enjoy!

In the sixties and seventies we said, "Question Authority!"


Now I tell people, "Disrespect Reality!"

Why give our power away to any outer "reality," whether it's government, relationship, a job, or health condition? Just because it's physical and it's staring you in the face doesn't mean it's real-- or permanent. Don't give it so much respect.

Disrespect it.

Take your power back.

Today's reality is merely an out-picturing of your feelings and beliefs. Most people just keep re-creating yesterday's reality! Change, and tomorrow you could take delivery on a fresh reality. All you have to do is give up the old one. It's all ephemeral-- as insubstantial as mist. The trouble is that in this Age of Reason, we've bought so heavily into physical "reality" that we actually worship it, bow down to it, revere it, and fear it.

Let's take an empowering look, behind the curtain, at what beliefs really are.

They're just big boxes of evidence that you've collected, or you "bought them" from someone else. They are pre-decided experience!

Our minds "organize" our reality for us in compartments, all neatly boxed up. It's how we keep a very complicated reality under "control".... by simplifying it and OVER-simplifying it.

Oversimplified example: As a child, Sue fails at something. That's her first piece of evidence that she's defective. She becomes a magnet for more evidence of it. Soon she's collected a whole box of evidence for it, other people affirm it, and it's HER reality.

This applies to every concept you have about yourself, the world, and others.

So more evidence keeps showing up. We attract evidence that fits our beliefs. So anything we deeply believe in our unconscious seems to get more and more true by the day.

What DO you do with evidence that doesn't support your beliefs?

Your unconscious deletes it, because it doesn't fit in the box with the other contents! You think, "Oh, that's a fluke!" I often see people being completely unable to see evidence that doesn't fit in their box. What evidence? Where? It's as if for them, it's not there!

Or you can discount it, or distort it to fit, "Well, I succeeded at that, but that was too EASY. Any failure of a person could succeed at that!" or "Yes, it's working now, but it won't keep working."

Most people don't experience reality at all. They literally only experience their boxes. Sit with that for a moment! Other people are in boxes, their health and their job is seen through the filter of their box of evidence.

What they believe is possible for them in life is all boxed up and sealed. Done.

*******************************

There are two main kinds of beliefs, the kind you picked up from a personal experience like Sue's, and beliefs you absorbed by osmosis from your parents, culture, media, friends, and the giant collective unconscious. In my book it's referred to as the Ancient Mind.

The collective unconscious is a sort of "community pool" of beliefs that we swim in daily. We live by thousands of unquestioned assumptions that we "absorbed" unconsciously from this collective.

One of the most damaging of these beliefs is that reality is some kind of fixed, unchangeable thing. How often do you hear, "face reality," "get real," "be realistic," or "that's impossible"?

Any reality is only one creation out of many possibilities.

Why limit yourself?

People say, "This is THE reality. It's proven, true, and real because there is evidence."

Of course you have evidence!

When you believe it, evidence for it finds you. And once you know how powerful you are, you will never again be a victim of a reality that you yourself created.

When you get conscious of your beliefs and take back your power, you're really going to like what happens.

Ask The Divine to go on a box-busting adventure with you. If you can't find the belief, ask The Divine to do the heavy lifting.

The Dive In And Be With It audios are great for this, because you don't have to know, figure out, or analyze what's holding you back. You just tune into the subject you want to address, and find the feeling. Then relax, and let the process take you.

To learn more about Diving In process, or to order, go to http://www.divineopenings.com/.
OR..... if you're already good at the diving in process, you've mastered the moving of your emotions, and surf them like a pro, here's something more advanced for you:

When you create something you don't particularly like, try this:

"Hmmm, how amazing that I created that. I sure am a powerful creator.

It's only energy in form, and I can create something else just as easily."

When you create something you love, try this:

"Ahhh, I created that.

I sure am a powerful creator.

It's only energy in form, but I sure do appreciate it."

*********************

OK!

Dig out your old hippie headband and start a revolution.

Bust some boxes!

Disrespect reality!

Love,

Lola

www.divineopenings.com

Could Steve Jobs' Wisdom Be the Nudge You Need?

Several months ago I received a flurry of emails from friends and clients, who were forwarding me either a link to a YouTube video of Steve Jobs' 2005 commencement address to the graduating seniors of Stanford University, or a transcript of that same speech. I'm not sure why it was making the rounds then, but it doesn't matter. To say the speech was inspiring, engaging and very humanly real would be an understatement. He was definitely speaking from his heart to ours.


With Steve's recent passing, another client forwarded me a quote from that same speech. Once again I was moved by his clear, straightforward message to follow your heart - first and always. Below are two of my favorite excerpts from his commencement address, both of which speak to themes that are central to my work in helping clients create work - to create lives - they love:

"Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something - your gut, destiny, life (my emphasis), karma, whatever. This approach has never let meknow, and it has made all the difference in my life."

Clients who have worked with me know that I often use the analogy of following the breadcrumbs, or holding a flashlight that illuminates only your next step, to convey the mystery of our inner guidance. It doesn't lay out a five-year plan, and that's a good thing!

I have come to understand that our inner guidance is connected to - in some real way is an aspect of - the Divine Intelligence that guides the very expansion and evolution of the universe. It understands paradox and flow and interconnectedness in a way our linear minds simply cannot.

And because we are inherently creative beings, we are constantly creating - our future is not fixed. Step-by-step guidance reflects and respects this truth. Our own creative impulses trigger the guidance we need in that moment...and then the next, and the next. There is no set plan, just a continual unfolding. As we learn to trust this more and more - to trust in Life itself, as Steve suggests - we can follow the dots into our deeply fulfilling, heart-centered future.

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noice of others' opinions down out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."

Again he eloquently emphasizes the absolute necessity of listening to your own inner voice, your heart and intuition. They're connected to your soul's true longings, and they do indeed know what you want to become. He also uses the word courage, which most of us on this journey find very appropriate! It can feel daunting to say "no" to the many rules, beliefs and expectations of our families and communities and culture - not to mention how difficult it is to say "no" to the naggingly persistent voice of fear and doubt within our own minds.

We literally have to learn how to think differently, how to think from that deep inner well of wisdom and creativity. We have to learn how to navigate through fear and doubt. And - this is essential - we have to learn how to cultivate a strong, resilient foundation of self-love as we commit to this journey. In the absence of that love, none of this makes sense.

Most of us need a little support and, yes, training as we shift from "having a job" to "living a life." And providing that support is my greatest passion! I know I might sound like a broken record, but hey - some messages simply bear repeating, if only because it can be so difficult to grasp their full impact the first - or fiftieth! - time around. And here's the message, in the words of someone else who has inspired me on my own path, Tama Kieves:

"You can do this. You must do this! You don't want to miss this life!"

- from her bestselling book, This Time I Dance! Creating the Work You Love

Join me this Saturday, October 15th, for my from-the-heart workshop on Creating Work You Love: Growing Into Your Dreams. For only $40 and 3 hours of your time, you could put your life on a whole new trajectory. Email jill@mysolidground.com for information and to register.

Don't wait. Now is the perfect time.

You don't want to miss this life.