Seeing with New Eyes

One of my favorite quotes, which is also the tagline for my monthly column in Living.Well magazine, is this one from Marcel Proust:

"The real act of discovery consists not in finding new lands, but in seeing with new eyes."

Time and again in my life, and in my work with clients, I have witnessed the profoundly transformative power of this great truth. When we change how we see things, we change what is possible. Seeing with new eyes gives us access to the kind of paradigm-shattering potential that can end racism, sexism and every other "-ism" that divides us; it reveals opportunity in the midst of struggle; it softens our hard edges and invites us into deeper and more meaningful relationships with each other and with life. Seeing with new eyes is the art and science of conscious evolution, moving us toward higher levels of harmony, beauty and truth. In the absence of our willingness to look again, to look more deeply, to look through a new lens, we remain stuck in our prejudices, our blindness and our smallness. We fail to realize our most cherished potential.

Creating and exploring new perspectives on things is something I engage in frequently with clients who are committed to personal growth and transformation. Interestingly, in our therapeutically-savvy culture, many will identify this approach as a specific technique known as reframing. But for me, the intention to look with new eyes at something is a far nobler and more enterprising undertaking than simply "reframing" it. After all, the very notion of reframing suggests that the fundamental picture hasn't changed, we're just dressing it up to look a little better. It's sort of like finding a silver lining in the cloud...helpful to be sure, but there is still a cloud.

When we seek to look with  new eyes, we're not just trying to make the cloud appear less threatening. We're holding an intention to see our experience not as a cloud at all, but as something altogether different. It's sort of like that picture you may have been shown in a "think outside the box" seminar: you see either an old hag or a sophisitcated young woman, depending on how you interpret the play of lines, light and shadow. It isn't that you're putting a pretty frame around a picture of an old woman to make her look a bit more appealing; the picture itself is seen as something completely different.

And the same is true when we hold an intention to see differently - and to be clear, I'm talking about a specific kind of  "different." I'm talking about a willingness to see through eyes of love rather than through a lens of fear, doubt and judgment.

Let me share an example from my life that I've seen reflected in the lives of many clients who are seeking to find or create more fulfilling work. Despite having graduated with top honors with a challenging double-major in accounting and economics, despite having been hired by one of the most prestigious accounting firms in the world, despite having made a successful transition into a Fortune 500 corporation, despite having been repeatedly promoted and given every opportunity to reach the highest levels of the company - I did not, in fact, reach the highest level of the company. I bailed out. I didn't really have what it takes to become CEO, or even CFO. I - dare I say it? - failed. I didn't attain the career success that the greater part of my waking adult life was centered on achieving.

If I were to merely reframe that experience, I would remind myself of all the wonderful friends I've made along the way, the great salary and benefits I enjoyed and the innumerable skills I've developed that serve me wherever I go. I might even be generous enough with myself to point out the many ways I added value to the company and improved the lives of employees there. I would pat myself on the back and feel much better about my failure.

But when I hold the intention to see my work experience with new eyes - with the eyes of wisdom, compassion and the deepest truth I can know - what I see is this: I had to "fail" at what wasn't mine to do. That was the only way I could be open and available to create and commit to what is mine to do. In fact, my failure to reach the corner office wasn't a failure at all, but the inevitable and life-affirming result of my deeper intention to find work I truly, deeply loved.

And so seeing with new eyes isn't about ignoring our true experience, or pretending things didn't happen the way they did. It is about interpreting our experience in a way that reveals our highest nature and deepest truth. And when we do that, we connect with a magnificently wise and wonderful aspect of our being that wants what is best for us, always. We gain access to the kind of wisdom, clarity and self-trust that create a firm foundation for moving forward with quiet confidence. We open ourselves to what is possible rather than locking ourselves into endlessly repeating stories of our failures and shortcomings. We keep becoming more and more of who we truly are.

This is the true power of seeing with new eyes. It is literally a creative act: we're not simply reframing something, we are rewriting it. And again, it isn't about telling exaggerated stories of our talent and bravado; it is about looking deeper and seeing the innocence, the longings, the persistence, the courage and the willingness to learn underneath the surface experience. It is about recognizing that when we fail to live our truth, no one is served. It is about acknowledging the role that fear has played in our lives, and seeing that it isn't a good master - and seeing, too, how we kept going even though we were afraid, or resigned, or doubtful. How we wanted to keep going, how we deeply yearn for the highest and best that we know lives within us.

So be willing to see the highest and best within yourself. Claim your true talents and aspirations and generosity and courage. Treat yourself with dignity and respect.

And dare to rewrite your story.